MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should you continue to send birthday presents?

oldhaggis

I would continue to send a card and small gift or cheque until the child’s 18th birthday because I just couldn’t be that mean towards the child. Luckily, my close friends and family have always remembered my children’s birthdays and vice versa. I once forgot a teenage nephew’s birthday because of a bereavement and was mortified when I remembered. I sent an apologetic card and cheque immediately.

I have always made my children write thank you letters for gifts, as it I believe it is good manners. Most young people have written to thank me for mine with a couple of notable exceptions.

This week’s Money Moral Dilemma made me think of a letter to a newspaper, which I cut out and kept and which others may also find amusing.

“For many years we sent Christmas presents to ungrateful brats who couldn’t be bothered to acknowledge them. I finally hit upon the stratagem of enclosing an attached sheet with the present. They all replied!”

Dear……….
I am writing in haste as usual to thank you for your most generous present, which

(tick whichever of the comments below seems to you to be suitably grovelling)

a) is quite splendid.
b) will make me the envy of my mates.
c) is very useful indeed.
d) is kindly meant, I am sure.
e) is just what I’ve always wanted.
f) is my favourite colour.
g) is something I’ve been meaning to buy.
h) is what everybody else has got, but mum refused to buy for me.
i) seems jolly sensible.
j) I’m sure I’ll get to like in time.
k) is my size exactly
l) is certain to give me pleasure for years to come.

Imagine my surprise when Mum and dad gave me …. (fill in here). Apart from not having you here for Christmas, the only disappointment was … (fill in here)

Your devoted….

Nephew/niece/grandson/granddaughter/godchild (delete as appropriate)”

Primrose

One way of getting the message across about kids not saying "thank you" is to send a card with an unsigned cheque. They're bound to write back, returning the cheque saying that it. wasn't signed. Then you can reply, "Well I didn't sign the cheque because that's the only way I know you'll write and have the manners to acknowledge safe receipt !" Do it twice and they'll start to twig that the only way they get the cheque back, signed, is to say "Thank you".

ness3765

Yes you should still give gifts, its about giving unconditionally. ( pity my ex's family don't do this for my children )

minky_11

i am in a similar situation. i always send birthday cards to my family members even though i rarely receive from them. the children receive money at birthdays and christmas but this stops when they reach age 21 or before if they are working. on special birthdays they always receive money. i don't have a close relationship with my family but blood is thicker...............you know the rest.

*Louise*

I would want to know why they weren't sending a card.

Presents I can understand someone not sending, and wouldn't mind. but to not even send a card to aknowledge a young neice/nephew's birthday?

I would probably still send gifts unless we had come to a decision not to. Like other posters, we give until 18, then 'special' ages after that.

Libby.Aguero

if you have the finances to do so, you should continue to buy the kids presents.....to show them and your sister how much you love them.....you shouldnt give presents only so that you can receive!!!!! we should all do whatever is in our power to show our loved friends and family what they mean to us.......life is not about what you have, but WHO you have.

Kelsea14

I don't give to receive, I give because it's not the kids fault if their parents are either too self centred or just don't give a s--t

Tarry

I'd send a card and a small pressie. I also don't give to recieve either.

bigpat

Further to my earlier comment, am I the only one round here who thinks cards are a waste of money? I got this attitude from my mother (who raised 5 of us, practically without a pot to you-know-what.) Her opinion and mine is that you can say with words and actions anything that can be said on a card and say it better. The only cards she ever sends people are Christmas cards and that's because she sort of "HAS" to. She wont risk offending those who don't know her attitude.

My parents have never sent any of us birthday cards, and when I broke tradition and sent her one for her 70th birthday, she admonished me for being so wasteful with my money! She does send gifts for her grandchildren but absolutely cannot see the point of cards.

She still lives in Co. Tipperary where I grew up and even though I can call Ireland for 0.5p a minute thanks to Martin's CallChecker, she still writes to me once a month or so with news (that I've already heard!) and I try to write now and again, because she loves it so. That shows time and effort put in, not just grabbing a card off the shelf at Asda, scrawling my name on it and posting it.

Several years ago, my kids cottoned onto my attitude and in the runup to my birthday and Father's Day I always tell them that the best present they could give me is to show they know how to watch their pennies. And they can always get creative and MAKE a card.

Right...back down off my soapbox now!

horneybe

When I was at school, there was a huge plaque outside the headmasters office for those who had done wrong - "Always treat others how you wish to be treated yourself".

Just because your sister has little money, doesn't mean you shouldn't still send them yourself. I'm sure, once they're better off, things will continue. Perhaps you should communicate with her and ask if things are ok financially - if they're having difficulties you may find she's too embaraced to explain why the presents have stopped.:A