MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should you continue to send birthday presents?

collingwood21

I would certainly send a card, but whether or not I sent a gift would depend on how close I was/how often I saw the child. I think if my income was low I would go for something small, rememebring that love doesn't have to be shown by buying things.

anansi69

We have a SIMILAR, but very different situation, , that I'd really appreciate some balanced advice on...

There's me, my husband, our 5 year old son, & one baby on the way, we live within our very meagre means, & ALWAYS buy Christmas & birthday presents for my husband's (extremely well off) single, childless brother. He has always he bought my son & husband gifts, occasionally even a Christmas present for me.

This year, however he's said he's not buying ANYTHING for my husband or myself, as it stresses him out deciding what to get us (previously, it's always been well received vouchers, for which we've been VERY VERY grateful). Instead he says he'd rather give the money to charity. He hasn't mentioned us not buying him anything though.

I admit that I have 'problems' with giving to charity on behalf of someone else, at the best of times. This has just really annoyed me & I wondered if I was alone in my annoyance. My husband has been very laissez-faire about it.

I celebrate occasions (& show appreciation & love) by the giving of presents, so I'll probably STILL buy for the B-I-L. AND I don't give to receive anyway.

Surely he is being a tad selfish? He gets too 'stressed' to go to any effort of thinking, so he's not prepared to buy ANYTHING, but 'justifies' it by donating to his favourite charity.

Hmm, I could rant on, but I won't :mad: Has anyone any thoughts, or advice?

anansi69

PenguinsMadeMeDoIt wrote: »

My mum is on a very low wage, struggling, and every birthday (including her ex husband's!) she goes out of her way to buy LOADS of little things she thinks they'll like. Normally she's miles off, but I so appreciate the love she puts into it, that means everything. And every birthday/Xmas/MD I make sure I spoil her.

Your Mum sounds like a star & has this gift giving thing off to a tee!! It is the love & thought that goes into it, NOT the amount spent, that's the measure of a gift!! :T

Trudger_2

I would continue to give birthday and other presents even if the other person could not return the favour.......I have come up against this with my brother. He never even sends me a card for Christmas but I always remember him and his girlfriend at Christmas and birthdays. I have more money than him and quite frankly give presents because I want to. The 13 year old niece will appreciate the gift.

BudgetMan_2

I think you'll have to do a bit of detective work to find out why the gifts stopped coming. If it's because of money, continue to send them. If it's because they don't feel like sending gifts, stop sending gifts.

mr-tom_2

Some families are close, some are not.
With one set of nephews and nieces, my decision might be very different than with another, depending on whether we are actually part of each other's lives. I see no need to be a present machine for a child I will never see or hear from, but if I was involved, then I would continue to send because it's about the child, not the parent.

cillitbanger

DineshAdv wrote: »

I would still send gifts. Even if she and her husband aren't a great aunt and uncle doesn't mean you should be a bad aunt/uncle.

Not having a high income isn't much of an excuse.

I disagree, its a very good excuse!

Natalie6999

cillitbanger wrote: »

I disagree, its a very good excuse!

I think that often relations don't realise that our incomes differ & that sometimes we are struggling to get by. They expect us to be able to carry on buying presents for everyone at the same level that we always did.

Cotku

Actually, this is a lot closer to home than I would be comfortable with.

My Mum's cousin and his family were much better off than us when I was younger and they stopped sending gifts and cards when we reached our teens. They also stopped inviting my sister and me to the birthday parties, and they made excuses not to come to ours. My Mum put it down to bad manners but I saw it to be their snobbish behaviour. We continued to send gifts and cards for several years afterwards even though my Mum had a part-time job and was a single parent. She always reminded us of a mentor she had who said "Always do what your heart desires." A kind of 'Better to give than to receive' tenet.

We still don't have much contact with them except at Christmas or if someone is sick or has died. Oh, and they live about 3 miles away. Still, if that's what makes them happy...

It doesn't matter to me what people think or say or do. I'm not big on cards and only send them to close family and one other person who I have known since childhood. I don't send cards in work either. I'd rather the money went to a good cause otherwise I would be spending a small fortune for something that will end up in a recycling bin or landfill within a couple of weeks.

Teacher2

Send a card and an Amazon or similar voucher for a tenner.