Grandparents or nursery

pattycake

You say your mum cared for your baby from 4 weeks old. How much money must she have saved you over the years? Quite a bit I should imagine. I am assuming she did the caring for free as you say you HAD to go back to work at only 4 weeks which is incredibly soon. Surely that was for financial reasons. Looking after such a young baby must have been a huge burden for your mother.

What kind of major issues arose with your mother? Did you have a good relationship with her before she started the child care?

I am finding it difficult to understand the begrudging tone of your post when in my opinion you owe your mother a debt of gratitude.

traveller

JC-P wrote: »

I had to go back to work when my daughter was 4 weeks old and my mum looked after her. She did this until my LO was almost 2. She now does 3 days nursery and 2 with my mum (this is again changing over the next few weeks and building up to 5 nursery days)

Also, I lost alot of control with my mum providing so much childcare and this has caused some major issues in the past couple of years. I said it never would but it did.

When we have another, I will go with the nursery option from 4 months.

I have had similar experiences with family-so can understand where your coming from.My youngest will be going to the nursery owned by my friends mum when he's 8 months old in january.I prefer this , as we're all singing from the same hym sheet so to speak.
My mum used to look after my daughter while I was at uni for a few days a week and I am so grateful for her doing it.But, it was as though I was on a timer-I'd see her looking through the window as I approached her house as though to say'there you are,lol.This was not for my daughters benefit-she was 8 weeks old at the time.There were a whole host of other issues and personally, so long as I trusted the nursery,I'd prefer that option 5 days a week.

tequilla_slammer2002

Grannys

i work 5 day 12.30- 17.30and my DD loves going to nannys house! they cook, go to the park and do alsorts together as well as shopping and any other errands mum or dad need to do! she has learnt nursery rhymes and alsort whilst being at mums and as there are smaller children living on the same street she get to play with them to!

HTH

glenstan

We look after our grandson 2 and half days a week whilst his mummy works, we love having him , he is a delight . During this time he is taken to TallkingTots and to playgroup, to interact with other children, to be honest I enjoy the interacting as much as he. However because of the effort, plus our age, put into caring, and stimulation of our precious little man, i feel that the time the time we look after him is enough, without either being tired of the other. I suppose the crux of the matter is, we WANT to look after him whilst we are able to .

The_Teaahloic

Dont do a combination of both it will confuse the baby and that is not fair. What about a childminder?
Nurseries are very nice for older children but babies need one to one care.
How old are your parents? I am 52 and I am a chilminder. I am also a grandmother. Your parents would be much better than a nursery, the baby would feel more secure. He/she would be being cared for by people that love her/him and not just people that are doing a job.

MadDogWoman_2

Hi,

I would also go for a childminder for the home environment.

My situation is unusual though my mum was a childminder for 30 years, she retired just after I had DD. She asked to look after DD, she knows our financial situation so knew that we couldn't afford to pay for child care, we would have to pay for a full time place for part time hours as DH has rolling shifts with earlies, lates and days off because of this she gets time to herself.

Mum still goes to the groups she went to as a childminder, and DD has been going since she was 4 weeks old (I tagged along) so she interacts with other children then, I also take her swimming and to church at weekends.

But if mum said that it was getting too much for her I would look at other options.

HTH

MDW

JC-P

pattycake wrote: »

You say your mum cared for your baby from 4 weeks old. How much money must she have saved you over the years? Quite a bit I should imagine. I am assuming she did the caring for free as you say you HAD to go back to work at only 4 weeks which is incredibly soon. Surely that was for financial reasons. Looking after such a young baby must have been a huge burden for your mother.

What kind of major issues arose with your mother? Did you have a good relationship with her before she started the child care?

I am finding it difficult to understand the begrudging tone of your post when in my opinion you owe your mother a debt of gratitude.

I had to return to work as I live in a country that has no tax credits and no child support and I was alone. There was absolutely no other option.

I paid my mum exactly what I am now paying a nursery so it wasn't free childcare. I now pay a full time nursery place although she only goes 3 days and I pay my mum the same for having her for 2 days.

I had and still have a good relationship with my mum but I lost control so much with my daughter to the point where my mum would change her clothes if she wasn't happy with what she was wearing. I wasn't ever allowed to feel I was her mother.

Sorry if you think I was being harsh on my mum, of course I appreciated her having my daughter but I was trying to show that it doesn't always work for everybody.

pattycake

I can now understand your feelings a bit more JC-P. You certainly have had it tough. I can see how actions such as changing your child's clothes can be interpreted as criticism. You have clearly done the best you possible could for your child in the circumstances. I would never try to replace my daughter in my grandchild's life and I hope you now feel that you have a strong bond with your child.

I wish you all the luck in the world for the future with your little one.

hayleyc_2

I voted for grandparents but in actual fact I would say it depends on your relationship with your mum or MIL (whoever's going to be doing the childcare), your views on childcare and how many hours the baby is going to be with them. Also the grandparents age is a factor. I've just recently gone back to work part-time, and my Mum and Fiancee's mum both have a day of looking after my DS. In our case it's working really well because he's nearly 12 months (so not as dependant on me) and they only have to give up one day per week. I personally cannot imagine leaving him full-time even at this age as I think it would be too much. I think the most important thing if your baby is going to be in childcare at a very young age is that they have a very good attachment to whoever is looking after them. So in this case i would have to say first choice parents - 2nd grandparents - 3rd childminder - 4th nursery - if you know what I mean

Hayley

JC-P

pattycake wrote: »

I can now understand your feelings a bit more JC-P. You certainly have had it tough. I can see how actions such as changing your child's clothes can be interpreted as criticism. You have clearly done the best you possible could for your child in the circumstances. I would never try to replace my daughter in my grandchild's life and I hope you now feel that you have a strong bond with your child.

I wish you all the luck in the world for the future with your little one.

Thank you, I didn't word it very well in my first post.