Grandparents or nursery

Yorkshire-Lady_3

Well feel free to ask me about it!
I can offer you advice if you like.

Y-L

LoLo

I have to say that it depends really how your parents are. I mean, my child goes to nursery and he loves it and whilst he also loves it at grandmas house, I know full well that she does not look after him how I want her to and does not really keep to things I ask. For example, if I say not to give child any sweets etc I know that my child will have had lots throughout the day as my mum gives in for 'an easy life'. I know that the nursery do as I ask with the child though.

Also the benefit of nursery is that the staff do not have to make lunch, tidy up etc and have their day dedicated to looking after and stimulating the children and also help to get them into a routine.

liney

My mom has DS for 2.5 days a week since he was 5 months old (only had 6 months maternity leave in 2004) but when he starts school he will go to Breakfast club and after school club for an hour for the 3 days. My mom was only 46 when she started having him, but i think once he got to about 2 and a half she began to find him difficult to entertain on her own. When he turned 3 he started Preschool each afternoon which took the load off a little, but she wouldn't hear of me 'taking him off her' to send him to nursery when i asked if he was getting too much for her. When he begins school she will take him each school holiday as of course we can't take all of the school holidays off work.

The pro's are obvious, especially as a baby. The cons are that whether they intend to or not, grandparents tend not to be as strict as a nursery or parent might be; i have had all sorts of 'but nanny would let me' arguments over food, the television, back chat, snacks at 4.45pm etc. over the years, but on the whole i would say my son and mother have both enjoyed their time together.

I can't say i can see anything wrong with my friends children who have both gone to nursery from 5 months old full time either though.

Becles

My Mam has looked after mine while I work part time. She enjoys it and missed my boys when they went to school and she's missing my daughter this week. She wanted a week off to chill out as my Gran (her Mam) died recently so it's been stressful.

The positives are that my Mam has a kit of stuff at her house - she has my childhood cot, high chair, and bought little things like a changing mat, plastic plates and sipper cups etc. She also keeps a supply of nappies and wipes in. Toys and books are a mix of my old stuff, duplicate presents and bits she's picked up cheap when out and about. It makes life easier as I can just take my daughter there and I'm not carting bag loads of stuff with me.

Most of the time my Mam will follow the same stuff as me as regards feeding, discipline, teaching etc. The only negatives are that occasionally she's done the "granny knows best" thing and I've had to get a bit assertive and say no, I don't want it doing like that! That's hard as she's my Mam and I'm her child so it's going against what you feel is natural. Doesn't happen often though, but it's better to nip things in the bud rather than sit seething wishing she wasn't doing things!

We have talked about my daughter mixing with other children. One of my Mam's neighbours looks after her grandchildren so my Mam is going to ask her if she can recommend any local toddler groups, and I've found one on at the school next to my house. Mam said if I've got work on and can't take her to that, she can come up here and take her, then stay here till I finish work. I'm self employed so my hours vary depending on what work I pick up.

The other downside is that I have to take holiday off work when they go on holiday. This week has been exceptional circumstances, but then they are off for a week in November, then a fortnight in January. Don't begrude them taking more holidays now they can afford it, and my work is flexible for me to have as much holiday as I want. However it might cause problems if I had a job with a fixed number of days leave per year.

mspig

depends aswell on how old grandparents are.
My mum looked after my eldest son from 6 weeks old, but then his nanna was only 48 at the time, and loved having him- i went back full-time.

But then i'm not a big lover of nurseries from my own experiance when my parents went away we placed him into the local nursery which had rave reviews for the two weeks, they were horrendous so i ended up after 2 days taking him out and taking time off work until my parents came back.

I'm not saying that all nurseries are the same, just that i like t know that someone who love my child is taking care of him, not some woman/women from the local nursey.

*Louise*

LoLo wrote: »

I have to say that it depends really how your parents are. I mean, my child goes to nursery and he loves it and whilst he also loves it at grandmas house, I know full well that she does not look after him how I want her to and does not really keep to things I ask. For example, if I say not to give child any sweets etc I know that my child will have had lots throughout the day as my mum gives in for 'an easy life'. I know that the nursery do as I ask with the child though.

That's a good point. OP - will your mum look after the baby the way you want things done?

A lot fo people think, 'well that's how I brought mine up and it hasn't done them any harm'

I know someone whose daughter is only allowed organic food, no sugar - very strict diet. But when she stays with her granny, she is allowed all sorts of sweets and rubbish cos the granny doesn't agree with all these "new fangled ideas" and if she's looking after her it'll be done her way :eek:

worried_user

I think you should consider a childminder. I was very against nurseries as my son was just over 6 months when I went back to work and didn't want to put upon the grandparents as a long term solution. My son has loved his time with the childminder, and although his permanent one has recently given up childminding (I had one 4 days and another 1 day) he has settled really quickly with a new one. You should be able to find some links of ones in your area from your local council website. If your mum is really keen to help why not ask her if she'll do 1 permanent day a week and cover any CM holidays? This way she is involved but still gets time to herself.
I have found that a CM in my experience is firstly cheaper hourly, offers more 1-1 interaction especially as your child will be so young as she will have other children that go to school and so will have time to spend with your baby to bond.
All the ones I have been through over the past 2.5 years have not charged for Bank Holidays or their own holidays, whilst a friend of mine who's child used to go to a nursery even had to pay for christmas day and boxing day if it fell on one of her nursery days even though the nursery was shut.
Also your child will be in a home environment, which from such and early age is very important in my opinion, whilst still learning and interacting with other children.
My son has been with a childminder for over 2.5 years now and is very happy and has just settled straight into pre school, which I think would have been a lot harder if he had been looked after by his grandparents. It also has meant that I have had no concerns over sending him to school as I have been sending him to someone, who originally I didn't know, from an early age.
The one thing I would say is if you decide to go to a nursery or childminder make sure you interview more than one and have a trial period with a back up plan, as not all of them will fit in with your child and you may have to make changes within the first month.
Sorry this is so long and hope it helps.

Bitsy_Beans

My mum had my son from when I went back to work 3 days a week. Now I am on maternity leave again she's missing having my son on those days!! I am glad that my son has been looked after my mum. She's invested a great deal of time and effort into him (as well as us parents!!!) and I am lucky she was in a position to help out. Just bear in mind if your parents want to go away on holiday you will have to make alternative arrangements (which means making sure you can have time off if necessary), whereas with a nursery that's less of an issue. On the plus side though if my son was ill my mum would still have him whereas a nursery wouldn't.
I would go for 2 days nursery and 3 days with granny.
Oh and if your OH decides to go back to work at 3 months that's her perogative - some people either want to or just don't have the choice.

sarah1980

Our baby is due in Feb and DH is a teacher (Public school, so looooooong holidays!). I have my own business so cannot take any time off, and we will consider a chilldminder for the first year at least. We went to see a local nursery which had rave reviews, but the major downside was that you had to pay for the entire year, regardless of whether the child attended every week. So it wouldn't fit in with the school hols when hubby could be at home with the little'un.

DH's family all live in Bristol, my mum is a single Mum and works F/T (kids are aged 13 +14) but even if this weren't the case I would feel quite uncomfortable about leaving the child with either grandparent for more than 1 day a week. I kind of feel like they had their time of looking after kids and this is the long-awaited time in the life when they can put themselves first, have a social life, do new activities they perhaps couldn't do when working etc.

Childminder seems the best option because of the home environment. If we could afford it I would have preferred a nanny for the first 6 months or so, so that baby could stay in our home and have undivided attention but it would just work out too costly at the mo :-(

Errata

On a freezing cold winter's morning when baby is a a bit off colour who would you rather looked after it ?