MSE Parent Club - Part 2

My_Fathers_Daughter

Bailey and elle ((HUGS)) - sorry, that's about all my brain can manage at the mo...I seem to be going backwards and getting vaguer (if that is a word) by the day.

Went to doc yesterday, the doc (who was a pig last time I went to him) was nice and reassured me that it is unlikely to be anything other than the remains of my womb lining coming away...he said the HV was right to refer me but was probably being over cautious. He also said that these days it is very unusual for them to do a scrape or take any action other than to let the bleed run its course (unless it is unusually heavy).

He did feel my tummy (nothing there) and apologetically suggested an internal - I guess it is better to be safe than sorry. He brought the nurse in to chaperone (is that normal these days?) - I used to work with her husband so we had a bit of a catch up whilst he examined me and took a swab to check for infection. He said to go back if it gets heavy.

I have my post-natal check in 3 weeks so he said to mention it again then. Am I supposed to take Benjamin with me to my 6 week check?


Anyway - Benjamin is starting to show worrying signs of only sleeping if he is being cuddled and not settling for long on his own. He used to go a good 5 1/2 - 6 hours but for the last 3 or 4 days he has prob only managed 2 hours at a time on his own at night (I feed him in bed and he falls asleep in bed with me before I put him down). He's 24 days...do I need to start being firm with him now?

SB - I remember you saying that poppy and jamie are left to 'settle themselves' - does that mean that you leave them to cry?


Apologies for all the first-timer questions (and I am sure you have gone over this ground a thousand times before) but I worry that I am making a rod for my own back already.

Becles

Hope your cousin is ok ella.

I'd love another baby too. It just feels so right now, but I don't think husband is keen. I've not mentioned to him how strong my feelings are.

MFD - all mine have been left to settle on their own. If they are just whimpering I've just left them to settle themselves, but if they are screaming their heads off, then I've picked them up and cuddled then.

nadnad

My fathers daughter - in answer to your questions:-

yep normal to have a chaperone when doctors do an internal exam.
nope baby doesnt need to be there for your 6 wk check.

re sleeping - i think he's a little to young to be left to cry - if he moans and groans i would say thats fine to leave him but outright screaming then i would comfort him and try to settle him again. if he's waking every couple of hours it could be a growth spurt. its hard to give advice on other babies sleeping habits - they are all so different and go through so many stages.

All i can say at this point is DON'T WORRY!! especially if he's needing cuddles - he's only teeny tiny and new in this big strange world and you are the only constant in his life, give him time and give yourself the freedom to comfort your baby without the guilt of possibly spoiling him with cuddles (which i think is impossible for little ones). You'll come to know what he needs and wants and you'll know when its alright to leave him to his own devices and when he really needs you.

ladybirdintheuk

MFD - Izzy will normally only go to sleep if she is feeding or in the car. I tend to let her carry on sucking for a bit after she has fallen asleep so the she is in a deeper sleep and it is easier to move her to her crib. I'm probably creating a rod for my own back, but seeing as she falls asleep on me anyway I figure it is easier to let her than to wake her up again afterwards. Once she is in her own room and not lying next to me making a fuss I think I will try putting her down awake (unless she is asleep anyway!) but will tackle it properly when she is weaned and drinking less from me. It's a battle I'm prepared to confront at a later date.

The only rule we have is not bringing her into our bed until the morning - she does sometimes come and sit between us for a morning giggle but not until after the alarm has gone off.

My_Fathers_Daughter

Thanks ladies! Sometimes a little reassurance goes a long way.

ladybird - you are exactly 2 months ahead of us so I will watch and learn when you go through it!

At the moment I am trying to encourage Benjamin to go to sleep in different situations as well as when he is suckling - I sang him to sleep yesterday! He prob just wanted to drown out the noise somehow.

He has now had 2 1/2 hours this afternoon - he keep stirring but I don't want to go to him until he is awake...I wish I could predict when he was going to have a long sleep and when he is only going to nap...I have been wasting my time on Facebook and comparethemeerkat.com :rotfl:

lwcus78

The books say to put them down awake if you can. We tried that but my LO doesn't like it. I wish he did as he's nearly 6 months and getting heavier. So, I think if you can put them down awake its best to do so. x

keelykat

Hi everyone, on the subject of sleeping.....Elliot still struggles to go to sleep alone. We've seen a big improvement in naps in the day though, i've been putting him in his car seat or on his play mat, putting his dummy in and his blankie and leaving him to it for a bit. He's eventually gone off several times now. Night time is a different matter though! But once hes in his cot, i'm not getting him out of it untill the morning!

And hes 6 1/2 months old now.

keely.

Curious_George_2

My_Fathers_Daughter wrote: »

I have been wasting my time on Facebook and comparethemeerkat.com :rotfl:

lmao! i did that recently! :rotfl:

emlou2009

i've been worrying the last couple of days if we've been doing the wrong thing, cos OH had 3 weeks off with us when seth was born so whenever he's been awake he's been cuddled which means he goes off to sleep in our arms all the time, but at night i'm so sleepy i just feed and change if needed and put him down whether he's awake or not and he rarely doesnt settle so i guess he's getting the best of both worlds! i so recommend those baby sleeping bags, we were almost swaddling him and he would wake every 1 1/2 to 2 hours having kicked off the blanket, now we switched to the bag he sleeps for 3-4!

nadnad

lwcus78 wrote: »

The books say to put them down awake if you can. We tried that but my LO doesn't like it. I wish he did as he's nearly 6 months and getting heavier. So, I think if you can put them down awake its best to do so. x

the books say a lot of things!! i bought a couple of books - "the no cry sleep solution" and "healthy sleep happy child" or something like that - and they were polar opposites,- no cry sleep solution advocates not letting the baby suckle to sleep, and making sure the baby is awake when put down and never letting baby cry. this book is written by a woman with no qualification other than being a mother (and maybe thats the most important qualification but then shes only ever dealt with her own children).

the healthy sleep book is written by a paediatrician - he basically says that the no cry book is complete nonsense and that there is nothing wrong with a baby suckling to sleep - that its perfectly natural (which i agree with) - however he also does advocate letting a child cry for an inderterminate amount of time until it sleeps (which i dont agree with).

i bought both books when i was very stressed when Oz was waking every hour from 7pm right through the night, and to be honest if they taught me anything it was that every child is different and different routines / habits whatever work at varying degrees for each child.

Don't let anyone ever tell you what is best for your child - you know best, mums know when they are starting a "bad habit" but you have to weigh that up - there are pros and cons to everything. I felt guilty when Oz slept in my bed for a month - but only because other people were telling me it was wrong, and a bad habit, at the time its what he needed and what i needed in order to get a bit of sleep - when i felt the time was right i put him back in his cot and he was grand.

I fed Oz to sleep for months - setting him in his cot awake was a disaster - he squealed for ages, and then all of a sudden he allowed himself to be put down awake - when HE was ready not when i forced it on him. Now sometimes he's sleeping and sometimes he's awake when i put him down.

Sometimes I let him cry it out because i've got to know when he's playing up, but by the same token I don't feel guilty picking him up to comfort him again.

I know this is a rambling post but really I know what it is to have a "bad sleeper", and I think a big part of the stress on the mother is down to people - relatives/friends whatever, saying "ooh he should be sleeping through by now", "you shouldn't have him in your bed", "you shouldnt feed him to sleep", "just let him cry" etc etc. At the end of the day I started to be a lot less stressed when i realised hang on a minute he's a tiny little man, and I'm going to do whatever i can to make him feel safe and secure. Sleeping through the night will come eventually and really this is a short time in mine and his life for me to sacrifice a little extra sleep time to make his life that bit happier. And with me relaxing and helping him out he's come on in leaps and bounds.

Stepping off sleepy soap box now