My sons rent

bestpud

Idiophreak wrote: »

It's the "more or less equal after that" bit where it gets sticky though...

Your arrangement sounds very similar to mine with my parents...To say we're not "equal" doesn't mean they treat me with any less respect, or vice versa, doesn't mean they treat me like a child, doesn't mean they make demands on me - or vice versa...

Just means that I'm aware, at the heart of it, that I live in *their* house, not mine...As such, we can't be considered to be living there on an equal basis...

But that does not negate your financial responsibility.

Presumably, if the roof blew off, they'd be sorting out the costs and paying any excess etc?

Basically, they are taking the risks associated with keeping a home and that is why they have ultimate control.

You take less risks overall so benefit from cheaper living costs and less responsibility. Hence it is only fair they do not subsidise you to the point that you are a dependent.

bestpud

Idiophreak wrote: »

Of course it's possible...but is it fair?

As fair as ensuring you are not financially dependent on your parents at the age of 24, yes.

Idiophreak

bestpud wrote: »

But that does not negate your financial responsibility.

Presumably, if the roof blew off, they'd be sorting out the costs and paying any excess etc?

Basically, they are taking the risks associated with keeping a home and that is why they have ultimate control.

You take less risks overall so benefit from cheaper living costs and less responsibility. Hence it is only fair they do not subsidise you to the point that you are a dependent.

It doesn't negate it, but it limits it...

Most of what you're saying I agree with - my parents would cover an excess, they would suffer any other financial damage associated with the house, but they'd also get all the cash if the house was sold...

So our financial commitment shouldn't be equal as we're not living there on an equal basis. If we were just adults sharing a house, as ONW suggests (and this is what I was replying to, remember), I would expect to pay a proportion of an excess.

bestpud wrote: »

As fair as ensuring you are not financially dependent on your parents at the age of 24, yes.

This I just don't understand...Would you go into a partnership in business on the basis that you paid the same amount of bills, did the same amount of work, but got none of the profit or a share in the business? How about if your partner said "oh, you're 24 - you shouldn't be financially dependent on me"...would that make it ok?

seven-day-weekend

Our son has a lodger in our house in the UK, the rent is £250pcm for the large single room. There is no-one in the double room at the moment; when there is the rent is £300 pcm. This includes all bills except telephone and they do their own cooking and washing (and cleaning if anyone does any!).

So if these are the conditions your son is coming under, I think £300 pcm is reasonable.

Oldernotwiser

Many people buy property and then take someone in to share, paying rent and contributing equally to the bills. I doubt that the person sharing would then expect a say in decorating the communal areas. Neither would you expect to say "well, you're running the heating anyway" and expect to pay a couple of quid extra to have the radiator on in your room; you'd expect to split utilities equally between the people living there. Why should you do less for your own family than you would do to a total stranger?

Regarding getting a share in the family home (business) when you've been contributing financially, presumably as a "child" of the family you'll inherit anyway and benefit in that way. Mind you, if I had a "child" who was so reluctant to pay their way, I'd leave it all to the cats' home!

bestpud

Idiophreak wrote: »

This I just don't understand...Would you go into a partnership in business on the basis that you paid the same amount of bills, did the same amount of work, but got none of the profit or a share in the business? How about if your partner said "oh, you're 24 - you shouldn't be financially dependent on me"...would that make it ok?

Not if I also took a share of the risks, no. If I didn't, then I wouldn't be a partner; I'd be an employer and I would get a wage for my work/ holidays / days off...

I'm not sure how the two can be compared?

You pay rent and you gain a secure roof over your head for less than it would cost you otherwise. That is the gain for you.

What is the gain for your parents if you pay less than you cost them? Or if you pay them but expect washing etc to be done so they are working more hours at a time in their life when they may prefer to do their own thing?

Or is it a sin for parents to feel they have seen their children into adulthood and so do not want to keep them any more? Why is it selfish for the parent to feel this way but ok for the 'child' to feel they sould be subsidised by them? Perhaps the parent wants to sit back and support their child in other ways?

Can you see the double standards here?

The child has a lifetime of earning potential and, frankly, a lifetime to live.

The parent has invested years into that child and has vastly less earning potential ahead of them - when would you say they are entitled to think of themselves and their future rather than their grown up childs?

If they are prepared to share their house again (perhaps they'd actually like to be a couple now their child rearing days are over) then it is fair that they ask for a decent income from their working child.

Parents never stop being parents (even when they grow up and move away - it's the nature of the role) but that does not mean they have to keep their adult child nor sacrifice their own lives for them. To suggest otherwise is selfish of the child imo.

Alikay

Idiophreak wrote: »

Just means that I'm aware, at the heart of it, that I live in *their* house, not mine...As such, we can't be considered to be living there on an equal basis...

This is how I feel about our kids. It's mine and DH's house. We make the rules so they don't have an equal say, therefore it would be wrong to expect equal financial contributions. If they wished to bring back a different partner every night in a rented house, that's up to them, but not in the family home! I won't tolerate festering mountains of laundry in the house even if might want to save it all up for an annual blitz. I want to know when they're going to be back in, so I don't worry. I don't want their friends drinking in our lounge at midnight on a work night. I also expect everyone to be nice to each other, and help out with whatever needs doing.....anyone who's ever shared a house will know these things don't often happen then, even if rotas and ground rules are drawn up!

DH and I don't want to treat our almost-grown-up kids as equals in our house...they can get their own place if they want that degree of freedom and choice. But if they want cheap comfy living in a supportive environment, a contribution is sufficient (£90 a month when DD worked her gap year, DS1 doesn't pay anything as his travel expenses take a huge chunk out of his apprenticeship earnings). They save quite hard too because they know there's no handouts coming their way.

Oldernotwiser

Alikay wrote: »

But if they want cheap comfy living in a supportive environment, a contribution is sufficient (£90 a month when DD worked her gap year, DS1 doesn't pay anything as his travel expenses take a huge chunk out of his apprenticeship earnings). They save quite hard too because they know there's no handouts coming their way.

I think that you're talking about rather younger people; we've really been talking about adults in their twenties, probably back after university, and settled in decent jobs. Not quite the same thing as someone on an apprenticeship.

Alikay

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I think that you're talking about rather younger people; we've really been talking about adults in their twenties, probably back after university, and settled in decent jobs. Not quite the same thing as someone on an aprrenticeship.

Aaahh.....kinda hoping DH and I get to have the place to ourselves by that time

Oldernotwiser

Alikay wrote: »

Aaahh.....kinda hoping DH and I get to have the place to ourselves by that time

Abs - bloody - lutely!:beer: