Need someone to talk to.....

Marsie

Emily, I don't post often on here, but I do read a lot. I always make a beeline for your posts, as I'm constantly stunned by your positive and innovative ways to tackle your debt - particularly when you also have the CF to deal with too.

As others have said, he sounds very much caught out and hopefully that's the reason you saw an unpleasant side to him last night. Attack is the best form of defence, as the saying goes.

Keep yourself strong and look forward to someone better coming along who will support you as you deserve.

Chin up girl! You've ensured that much worse things than him don't beat you down.

Marsie xx

Melmoneysaver

All the best Emily, you seem like a lovely person that deserves so much better than this, I hope you find your knight very soon.

Melxx

dinkytwostep

Hi Emily
Can you AFFORD to pay him back without leaving yourself short of cash. I know you're trying to pay off as much of your debt as quickly as you can - but I'm assuming he's loaned you the £400 for a reason and I'm assuming that reason is because you didn't have that amount of money and needed it.
You say you can spare £100... are you SURE... I think I would offer £50 now and £50 in a fortnight (at least you will have a chance to cover your bills, etc).
Is there any urgent reason for your BF needing the £400 straight away?

DTS

ehallett

dinkytwostep wrote: »

Hi Emily
Can you AFFORD to pay him back without leaving yourself short of cash. I know you're trying to pay off as much of your debt as quickly as you can - but I'm assuming he's loaned you the £400 for a reason and I'm assuming that reason is because you didn't have that amount of money and needed it.
You say you can spare £100... are you SURE... I think I would offer £50 now and £50 in a fortnight (at least you will have a chance to cover your bills, etc).
Is there any urgent reason for your BF needing the £400 straight away?

DTS

Thanks - he is giving me time now to pay it back. I think he feels ashamed about the way he acted yesterday.

We have agreed not to see or speak to eachother for a month so that I can work out what I want.

I know in all likelyhood he has cheated on me and I know that he acted like a prat last night - but I really do love him and I can't just give up on nearly 8 years together just like that.

We will see what happens in the next month.

Emily x

Shineyhappy

Hi Emily,

I hope you are ok.

Eight years is a very long time to be with someone and I think you are doing the right thing by trying to be as sure as possible about any decisions.

Did you try and get some reassurance from him and some clarification about the possible cheating?

I just wanted you to know that we worry about you and want to make sure that you are ok.

Big hugs
x

ehallett

This is driving me mad.

I sent him a long email today (harder to speak to him in person as I just cry all the time) trying to explain the reasons that I thought the relationship should end. Ultimately, I just don't trust him anymore.

In the end, he said that he didn't want the relationship to end but I said I couldn't see any other way around it as the trust has now gone.

He said he will collect his stuff tonight but he is still sending me messages saying that he loves me and will wait for me etc.

If I stayed with him, I would feel like such a fool. I still believe he has cheated on me and can't get that out of my head :mad: .

I'm so confused

Emily x

sandra_nz

What I don't hear you telling us is him vehemently denying that he has cheated on you. I think he's playing mind games with you - he's telling you he loves you and 'will wait for you' as if you are the one that has done something wrong. By making it about you, he's deflecting attention away from himself.

I'm only basing this on what you've written, you'd have a much better idea than me of course.

Stay strong and put yourself first.

Burlesque_Babe

ooh, Emily, I've only just seen this thread. I'm so sorry you're going through a poo time.

This is going to be hard for me to say and for it to come over right, but he's seeing you as a security blanket - someone to 'come home to' which is why he's saying he loves you etc - I'm guessing he sees the other girl as a fling and he has no intentions of having a serious relationship with her. Without you, he'll have to cope onhis own and, (sorry guys!) many blokes just aren't that good at that after they've been with someone for a long time.

If you decide to give him the money back - please ask him for some kind of receipt - in case in the future he gets pratt-ish because you don't want him and he says '£400? what £400 - you never gave it back to me'.

The best thing to do is re-read your post about your 'evidence' and pretend it's one of us saying it - what would your thoughts be as to him being faithful or not??

take care and we'll get you through this.

ehallett

sandra_nz wrote: »

What I don't hear you telling us is him vehemently denying that he has cheated on you. I think he's playing mind games with you - he's telling you he loves you and 'will wait for you' as if you are the one that has done something wrong. By making it about you, he's deflecting attention away from himself.

I'm only basing this on what you've written, you'd have a much better idea than me of course.

Stay strong and put yourself first.

He is denying that he is cheating - however his story is a bit far fetched and I just don't believe it. I have had my suspicions before, but have always overlooked them. Finding a birthday card saying 'to my boyfriend' from somebody else is hard evidence in my opinion.

Shineyhappy

I am so sorry that things still arent any better. Talking in writing sometimes helps as you can take you time and you cant get too angry or emotional.

What has he said when you accused him of cheating?