Family and presents.

suki1964

1tisme wrote: »

I feel like that a bit too. I keep thinking that if this was a situation with friends that I never saw, would I give presents to their children? I dont think I would, but I still feel like I SHOULD with my family. So it's more about guilt and duty than anything else.

Guilt - awful emotion.

Trying changing the word SHOULD to COULD - makes life a lot easier to cope with.

frugallass

If I were you I would send a card with a £5 voucher for birthdays and £10 at Christmas. As mentioned previously, send your sibling a card with a brief update every Christmas.

DH has 5 siblings, all have children - I am useless at remembering birthdays so I (yes he leaves it to me) only send cards/money to his parents for their birthdays. At Christmas everyone gets a card, and the little ones (under 16's) get vouchers.

I have no siblings (phew) !

Don't feel guilty - you have done nothing wrong

1tisme

Debt Free Chick - About post 17, I dont think there is a reason to find for all this. They have had opportunity in the past to discuss things when I talked to them and they only say there is no problem, it's just the way it is. I agree that they are just doing life, as you put it, to suit them.

I think we have different views on what family means. I think my sibling thinks family is just a word and I think its a way of life. I think family means you have people in your life you make the effort for and who make the effort for you, otherwise they become just ordinary people you know and end up treating like passing aquaintances. . I think my sibling doesn't think the same way. As I said earlier, I have moved on, it honestly doesn't bother me now.

1tisme

Debt_Free_Chick wrote: »

Says who????

I dont type fast, I can't keep up. *smile*


Says tradition.

Says your parents who tell you family is important.

Says your conscience.

1tisme

c_l_a_i_r_e wrote: »

This is just my opinion, and you shouldn't feel bad about how you feel. Thats why i said earlier to make a decision that you are happy with. Its a sad situation that you clearly didn't want, so you shouldn't beat yourself up over it too much x

That's the problem, I do feel bad. I'm trying to work out if it's because it's just guilt or if it's a subconcious thing that's telling me I'm wrong.

God, all this over a birthday present.

frugallass

1tisme wrote: »

God, all this over a birthday present.

You said it !

1tisme

Sorry. I dont have anyone else to talk to right now.

frugallass

Don't apologise - you've got a dilemma and you've asked for opinions and advice

You seem to be a very caring sister/aunty - that's something to be proud of

Do what you feel you have to do but at the same time don't look into the situation too deeply and don't let it worry you

emma12345

It's a difficult one, if you can afford it perhaps send token presents to their children just to stay in touch for your own sake rather than theres - you sound like a caring person so you would be doing it for your own peace of mind as I doubt you would get any response from your relatives. It would also be fair not to send presents but how would that make you feel if you didn't?

I have similar relatives, my parents and sister don't care at all about my kids and I would gladly drop them all if I could. My sis never buys my kids presents but if I so much as mention in that case perhaps I won't buy a pressie for her kid then I get abuse from my parents!

It hurts. But when I think too deeply about it it usually means that there's something or someone missing in my life - and I go spend time with ppl I care about and who care about me. I also go out and try to make new friends, funny how you don't miss uncaring relies when you're too busy to care.

It may be a different situation for you and I do sympathise, you sound like a caring warm person. Make a decision either way and forget about it, you and your life's far too important to waste it on ppl who don't care.

xx

Debt_Free_Chick

1tisme wrote: »

That's the problem, I do feel bad. I'm trying to work out if it's because it's just guilt or if it's a subconcious thing that's telling me I'm wrong.

Hence my comments about the "shoulds, oughts and musts" and the "who says you have to buy presents"?

There are no rules of life -your rules of life are YOUR rules. Mine ... and everyone else's are different

And none of them are "right" - they are what we decide for ourselves.

I don't buy any presents for anyone, ever. Does that make me a bad person?