Moving back in with parents

lostinrates

moanymoany wrote: »

I think that in my home I can make the rules - and, of course, this goes for everyone else.

I do think that if your son could not respect your home enough to stay in his own room when asked it's a poor do.

Actually, its the rule flagrancy that stood out for me in that post too. (as someone who shared a room with DH as a boyfriend when visiting my parents but all other boyfriends were separate bedrooms)

As for the bus at 26 (post by bristol pilot).....althugh I see the reasoning, its very flawed. If you know an extra year or two riding the bus will mean you can buy a car outright why go into debt sooner for a car that you'd otherwise take finance for...that if you lose your job might see the end to it...its a no brainer to me.

Chris2685

pawpurrs wrote: »

Will one of the set of parents not take the pair of you together?

That's what I'm wondering too. Won't one of your mums let you both live together in one of their houses?

GracieP

Chris2685 wrote: »

That's what I'm wondering too. Won't one of your mums let you both live together in one of their houses?

Or perhaps your mums could live together in one house and you two could have the other!:D Sorry, couldn't help it.

Seriously though, I'd be a bit worried about the affect such a move would have on my relationship. If you thought it might be possible for both of you to live together with one of your mothers, maybe on a 6 months with one 6 months with the other basis, it might be worth a go. But I'd be looking for every other possible option rather than doing this.

bristol_pilot

The thing about travelling on the bus at age 26 is not to be taken literally - Ken Livingstone still travelled by tube when he was Mayor of London. The point is that 26 is an age by which if you haven't started to make progress in life in some way you may be seen as a slow starter. Doesn't mean you have to buy a house by 26 (as someone said the average ftb is much older than that these days), but by 26 if you are still working part-time in a fast food joint, 'travelling' or generally dossing about it is no longer cool and it is time to get serious. And if you are still living with parents at 26 and are male you will likely have trouble keeping a gf for very long.

clk299

I'm 27 and live with my parents, I moved back when I qualified as a midwife so I could pay off some of my horrendous debt (from training) and save for a deposit for a house. My aim is £25k by the end of the year. My OH is also currently living with his mum, as he moved back with her due to family circumstances (he was needed to help his elderly grandparents and his parents due to ill health). It is pretty difficult and certainly not ideal! But if you look at it that it's only temporary and a means to an end then you will get through it. My sister didn't live with her OH till they got married! which is what I am intending to do if at all possible.

lethal0r

a year or two at home could set you up for life. you'd be able to save a deposit and you'd be buying at the bottom of the market by the looks of things too. and 24 is still well young!

bristol_pilot

lethal0r wrote: »

a year or two at home could set you up for life. you'd be able to save a deposit and you'd be buying at the bottom of the market by the looks of things too. and 24 is still well young!

You could achieve the same thing by living in a houseshare with other young professionals.

GDB2222

lostinrates wrote: »

Actually, its the rule flagrancy that stood out for me in that post too. (as someone who shared a room with DH as a boyfriend when visiting my parents but all other boyfriends were separate bedrooms)

We've always been bad at enforcing boundaries - not good parents, I fear. Still, a bit of love goes a long way to make up for that, or at least I hope so.

moggylover

GDB2222 wrote: »

We've always been bad at enforcing boundaries - not good parents, I fear. Still, a bit of love goes a long way to make up for that, or at least I hope so.

I would say that you were a perfectly good parent - just maybe hoping for something a touch unrealistic with the separate rooms:D .

To the OP I left home at 17 (got married:eek: ), moved back for a few months with husband to save the rest of a deposit, moved out again - came back to mums when I finally realised I wasn't cut out to be ex's punch bag for life (was 21 then) and moved out again to my own flat at 24. I then moved back in with my parents at 29 and stayed for three years whilst my current house was being re-built/renovated. I had a good relationship with my parents, and my partner down here in Wales was welcome to stay (in my bedroom) any time we so wished so it wasn't that difficult.

I think it might be okay as a short term answer to saving up the deposit you need. As to being a step backwards in your relationship, I don't think it has to be: I would see it as a breathing space, and a bit of a "test" of how strong the relationship actually is, and thus not necessarily a bad thing.

However, as others have suggested, it might be possible to both stay with one or the other parents for a while if you feel that would be better.

misscomickat

bristol_pilot wrote: »

The thing about travelling on the bus at age 26 is not to be taken literally - Ken Livingstone still travelled by tube when he was Mayor of London. The point is that 26 is an age by which if you haven't started to make progress in life in some way you may be seen as a slow starter. Doesn't mean you have to buy a house by 26 (as someone said the average ftb is much older than that these days), but by 26 if you are still working part-time in a fast food joint, 'travelling' or generally dossing about it is no longer cool and it is time to get serious. And if you are still living with parents at 26 and are male you will likely have trouble keeping a gf for very long.

I agree with the living with the parents bit, but not the rest.

Not all of us are in a hurry to settle down into the 9 to 5. I'm 26 and personally am making the most of being independent before I'm tied down to a mortgage/kids. Some of my friends of the same age as me have several kids and the whole mortgage thing. I'd rather be seen as a slow starter than have all that at 26.

To the OP - I think you're lucky to have a HA place as you're a young couple with no kids. I don't think you should give it up, although if it's totally unbearable and affecting your mental health, something needs to be done.