Moving back in with parents

CHARDONNAY_3

We have been living in a 2 bed HA flat for 2 years now but have grown to despise it - not enough space, rough area, across road from pub, teenagers smoking/drinking/doing drugs in car-park.

We have looked into just about every option -

1) shutting up and putting up with it (not much of an option living there is starting to effect my health!)

2) Private rentals but they are expensive for what you get and wouldn't be able to save for deposit.

3) Ownhome scheme but was turned down for co-op mortgage

4) other hair-brained government schemes but ruled these out as I have enough savvy to realise they only serve to keep prices artificially high.

Which lead us to the final option - moving back in with our respective mums!

With the circumstances in mind, does this seem like best option?

We both have good relationships with our mums, could live with them cheaply and save for a healthy deposit ( buying a place is our long-term aim!)

My only concern is that we got engaged 6 months ago, so it feels like a step backwards and I worry it might effect our relationship.

However we really want to own our own house by the time we get married (planned for summer 2010) so this seems like the best option.

Anyone have any thoughts/similar experiences?

Thanks

moanymoany

How old are you?

Gorgeous_George

Yup, that's how it used to work before the 'I want everything now' era.

You lived at home with your parents until you get married. Then, a big car took (white dressed) bride to church. After a honeymoon, you moved in together into a house that you had bought a few months before the wedding and decorated together ready for the big day.

Nowadays, you are just as likely to marry another woman.

GG

CHARDONNAY_3

We are both 24.

I know it's not ideal to move back in with mums at this age esp after being independent but because of current economic conditions and our personal circs it seems like best option.

Plus a couple of our mates have done it at similar ages, so wouldn't feel like total losers and it would only be short term (12 - 18 months max if it goes according to plan - not that it does all that often, though!)

lostinrates

I agree your age is relevant here. I also think your employment/income and curent arrangements are. TBH if you have a LA place I'd be very reluctnt to give it up but rather see if you can persevere with addressing the problems.

I live with my mother and DH lodges in London through the week. It can be very difficult for all concerned. Everyone has lost their privacy, all though most of our stuff is in storage some inevitably came home and takes up room. Our ways of living, its fair to say, are very different. BUT a you say, it allows us to save. There are benefits, (living with my parents as an adult has made me more secure in where our paths remain the same and where they diverge, for example) but in the main it is not something I would choose in pretty much any other corcumstance!

Gorgeous_George

What does mum really think? She will say it's ok of course but maybe she enjoys her freedom.

If you pay a fair sum of money for board and lodgings and help with all the chores I don't see it being a problem. The hardest part is working out what mum really wants.

I left home at 16 and couldn't imagine going back to my parents' house to live. But, for 18 months and with a goal at the end, it isn't the worst idea that I've ever heard.

GG

poppysarah

You're in a HA place so ask them to move you.

Get letter from your doc.

lostinrates

CHARDONNAY wrote: »

Plus a couple of our mates have done it at similar ages, so wouldn't feel like total losers quote]

VERY IMPORTANT! do not compare yourself to your peers when making life decisions. Your life has many a subtle difference I'm guessing and to feel inferior because of different choices, circumstances or priorities is counter productive.

Are you in a big town or city....might a house share work if so?

CHARDONNAY_3

my dad died 6 months ago and in that time my mum has learnt to be on her own and likes her freedom, but I know she really wouldn't mind me being back home. I stayed for the 6 weeks after my dad died, when emotions were fraught, but we got on just fine.

We have tried everything to make situation bearable in the flat and have phoned HA numerous times bout anti-social behaviour etc but nothing gets done.

It's at the point now where I dread coming home and I feel intimidated if it's late at night. I really don't want to be like that much longer!

poppysarah

Find out who your local councillor is. Ring them and let them know about the problems.

Be prepared to keep a nuisance diary and ring the police everytime something happens.

moanymoany

Gorgeous_George wrote: »

What does mum really think? She will say it's ok of course but maybe she enjoys her freedom.

If you pay a fair sum of money for board and lodgings and help with all the chores I don't see it being a problem. The hardest part is working out what mum really wants.

I left home at 16 and couldn't imagine going back to my parents' house to live. But, for 18 months and with a goal at the end, it isn't the worst idea that I've ever heard.

GG

I agree GG, I also left home at 16. Not especially meaning the op, but the 'I want it all'ers are going to come severly unstuck. I know people who have lived together for years and their parents won't let them share a room - even in these days.

When people stayed at home until after the wedding they were used to the homes rules and regs. To go back home after independence I can imagine would be murder for both parent and child.

I would not welcome my grown up children back.