Keeping Positive's - Into the new years diary

In_Search_Of_Me

Maybe part of the issue/problem is that you are on the go ALL the time and dont actually relax much? Dont think anyone (except oh) would say that you could ever be classed as lazy!! I get exhausted just reading your schedule!! What did gp say? If its any consolation my hous really is a tip...not even washed up and didnt realise until too late when M was here that my knickers (clean) were hanging on the bannisters!! bright pink ones at that...!

Keeping_Positive

:rotfl: at the knickers ISOM.

With work I guess I dont get much complete rest time although I dont generally do anything in the evenings except cook dinner. Not even the washing up;) . Weekends were mostly being lazyish as well but then Id feel bad that there was stuff that needed doing. OH goes through phases of tidyness. I know its a thankless task but I wish he would do more but if Im not seen to be doing anything he will only do the basics.

Am really enjoying doing stuff the last couple of days. I am still resting - I promise - yesterday I didnt come downstairs until 12

I would really like to declutter and have a good clean before I go back so OH will find it easier to keep up - well thats the plan .

Believe me even when "tidied" it still has the lived in look!

chevalier

Hi there KP
It never ceases to amaze me how many diaries I miss and I am on this site regularly:rolleyes:

So I took the time to read through yours pretty much from start to finish over the last24 hours.

Your oldest DD1 is her tantrums partly hormonal?
The benefits you have in your SOA, they seem a bit low. Is that child benefits, working tax credit and DLA? I just wondered ifyou were getting everything you are entitled too.

Ref your partner. ERm I think he is getting a very easy ride. I obviously don't know what his condition is, but is there anyway he can get some part time work? I believe you can earn £80 a week without affecting DLA payments? If nothing else it would mean that he could put more into the household coffers.

Ref the DMP and charges still being added, have CCCS challenged the company about this? It might be a glitch in their system and any refund would be a plus...

Just to remind you that it is only bank charge reclaiming that is on hold. So if he is in debt due to a lot of charges on credit cards he can still claim those.

I am glad that you have been signed off work. You have had a VERY rough12 months by the sound of it. And it hasn't really let up, ie with FIL chemo and you mum having a funny turn. So well done on blitzing the house, but don't forget me time too.

Finally you really need to talk to your OH about how you feel, and keep on doing it. Yes it may lead to some confrontation, but if it moves you forward with some unity, then wouldn't it be worth it?

The very best of luck for 2009
chev

Keeping_Positive

chevalier wrote: »

Hi there KP
It never ceases to amaze me how many diaries I miss and I am on this site regularly:rolleyes:

So I took the time to read through yours pretty much from start to finish over the last24 hours. Thank you :A for taking the time and effort it is appreciated. I have answered below. Very valid points raised.

Your oldest DD1 is her tantrums partly hormonal? Good point worth considering as she is developing in fact now DD2 is showing small signs. I feel if I give her an inch she takes the mile. Another argument tonight :mad: . Will just have to perservere. Im too soft with them.
The benefits you have in your SOA, they seem a bit low. Is that child benefits, working tax credit and DLA? I just wondered ifyou were getting everything you are entitled too. The SOA is my figures only including the £100 I got from OH I need to amend it as I know should get £200-240 which will really help. We have separate finances as he doesnt like me controlling his. The benefits showing are child B for three and CTC which is likely to fall in August due to the car I have through work.

Ref your partner. ERm I think he is getting a very easy ride. (He dont think so:rotfl: )I obviously don't know what his condition is, but is there anyway he can get some part time work? I believe you can earn £80 a week without affecting DLA payments? If nothing else it would mean that he could put more into the household coffers. I have mentioned this but each time I do he argues it :mad: . Even if he didnt come out any better some work would be good for him now the kids are at school. He seems quite particular on what job he wants . Hes good at flat pack furniture although cant do it regularly and takes extra painkillers. Ive mentioned advertising in the local shop etc to dee if anyone is interested. He helped alot with my Sis when she moved. He cant do it very often becuase of his injury but once in a while would be good.

Ref the DMP and charges still being added, have CCCS challenged the company about this? It might be a glitch in their system and any refund would be a plus... TBH whilst filing I found alot of unopened old post. It doesnt seem that he has many "recent" charges since the DMP. He is set for the new low income bankruptcy coming in and TBH I think it will be easier for us because of below.

Just to remind you that it is only bank charge reclaiming that is on hold. So if he is in debt due to a lot of charges on credit cards he can still claim those. Yup told him that to but he isnt interested and doesnt want to do it himself or me to take control :mad: :mad: :mad: Im sure theres gonna be quite a bit to reclaim. Got over £900 in bank charge a few years ago.

I am glad that you have been signed off work. You have had a VERY rough12 months by the sound of it. And it hasn't really let up, ie with FIL chemo and you mum having a funny turn. So well done on blitzing the house, but don't forget me time too. Thanks, Docs today not sure what she will say. Feel a fraud staying off any longer but wary of working again. Need to ring MIL to she how they are and go see Mum. Been looking at her Gas bill :eek: for her.

Finally you really need to talk to your OH about how you feel, and keep on doing it. Yes it may lead to some confrontation, but if it moves you forward with some unity, then wouldn't it be worth it? I think we need councilling really although when I mentioned it the other day he didnt seem keen. I might just go to Relate myself to clear things in my head. The arguments clear the air for a while but nothing really changes. I will still try though as it helps. I hurt him by not being physical enough. I try to show affection and that I am thinking of him but men only seen to see it one way. I do need to work on this. M21 I have been through the surgery councelling a few times over the years. They are nice but I dont feel I get anywhere just venting. I get more advice on here!

The very best of luck for 2009
chev

Thank you again Im not trying to be negative I promise its just that OH is very stubborn. He does love and care for me we just see things differently. Im sure if he was on here hed explain where he is coming from better than me.

As you can see I had an insomnia attack hence the stupid posting time. Dont panic Ill catch up later!

chevalier

ref the stupid posting hour, well you may well find me about. I am in a different time zone to you, so my afternoon is your middle of the night.....

I appreciate that you are not being defensive, but even so erm. Ref the credit card charges. I would suggest to him that if he want to have the same lifestyle he has now, not worse, then he pulls his finger out and does them or lets you do it. Reason? Because if you continue to have no major support from him ref this, and you run yourself into long term sick, then it will all be gone.

So he needs to be proactive on this, just like (sorry) he needs to be proactive on doing a job, now matter how boring. Just think of the money. I know he has restricted work prospects if he is on DLA, but when has he last asked what the prognosis is ref the injury, has there been any advances either in surgical techniques that will improve it or in pain manangement? The sad fact is KP that he can't afford to be particular about what work he does. You can not continue to shoulder this burden on your own.

So either he gets back the credit card charges or he gets a job. Even if it was doing all the survey sites, and some mystery shopping, etc that would still be a help.

Sorry if this is a bit harsh, but I feel that he has got into the 'I am never going to get better' syndrome, so 'nothing will change' so why get out of my comfort zone.

Well the answer is if he loves you he will rather than see you make yourself ill

I will pull my head in now honest

chev

In_Search_Of_Me

hello chev from accross the water!!
Well said! KP...at the end of the day it is your life, your family and your sanity...I think we should clone taxis oh and flog him...You have to decide what is right for you but I share chev's frustration that you seem to make all the effort while oh is not bothered...hope you manage to get some councelling for you to work through the issues and that gp signs you off for a bit longer...hugs for you...

Karmacat

Hi all, Hi KP

Wow, thats quite a post from chev. Some stark home truths in there. Your OH does sound stuck, as chev describes, and I know that once one person in a relationship gets stuck, then both get into a circular kind of pattern that goes nowhere. And it sounds like you're in that pattern right now, and its been bringing you down emotionally and physically - the cost is too high, it doesn't sound like it can continue, KP.

Its good that you know he loves you and he has his own reasons for acting the way he's acting ... thats a huge help, that no one's demonising the other. He doesn't sound like he's demonising you so much as not seeing your needs.

The other thing about the DDs, saying you're too soft .... how soft or not you are, thats up to you ... but I think a lot of bad stuff happens because of inconsistency - you know, I bet you do, about making a boundary you then don't keep (if you don't do your homework you can't go see your friend, and then letting her go see her friend even tho she hasn't done her homework, that sort of stuff). Wherever you decide to draw the line, thats where the line is drawn. End of. My parents drew no line at all, of course (hey, it was the sixties, to go to all night parties at age 15 was unusual but no problem) .... its just later it came back to bite me!

Not being preachy here, even tho I'm thinking of the couple counselling stuff I learned - you know I'm going through my own s**t right now, of course ....

Keeping_Positive

Really need to write things down saw the Doc almost forgot to ask for repeat perscription and completly forgot to ask about councelling :mad:. Been signed off for one more week and sie to go back Friday to be signed back on. Backe to work meeting on Monday following and hoping to start part time for a couple of weeks.

Been quiet today, a bit more decluttering and thats it really. Spoke to some colleagues which was nice. Due to do a tip run tomorrow with anything not freecycled.

Spends today are:
£7.10 perscription
£20.00 school trip and jumper

Going to make some of Mrs Cs chewy tortilla thingies for the first time and maybe some fairy cakes.

Keeping_Positive

Spot on KC about the backing down with kids. I do that too much. Just reinforced the no friends round and DD1 in mid strop upstairs oh no here she comes.....

beanielou

Do you feel ready to go back to work then?
One of my biggest problems with DS is backing down if I just cant face another argument:o