Keeping Positive's - Into the new years diary

Keeping_Positive

Morning up date/whinge

Feeling a bid fed up with OH. Not only is he secretly smoking still - deception is the upsetting bit not the smoking although not v happy about that. We now have FLEAS :eek: :eek: and they love to bite me. I am fed up with my house being a tip.

Please let me have your opinons as to

Am I being unreasonable?

My arguments: - I work all week, do all cooking and most of shopping. Arrange family outtings, deal with all mine and house hold finances inc paying for everything. I do help around the house usally washing up, bathing kids occasional blitzing of bathroom and toilet. Mow the lawn.

OH - only really pays for himself, does contribute £100 a month and pay bits towards kids trips, sweetie money and some shopping. I do end up subbing for petrol, golf, clothes etc. Doesnt work but can play golf and score between 81 - 90 which is darn good to be honest. Does most of housework inc ironing but house is cluttered. Loo and bathroom rarely looked at.

He also lies alot so in the 12+ years I have known him although I can read him better I still dont fully trust him.

For OH - He is partially disabled in constant pain and takes strong pain killers. Hes is depressed (wont admit it half the time or seek help :mad:). Low self confidence again wont admit that. Does do most of the stuff aound the house although I would like alot more done. The kids and I do make alot of the mess so I know that probably doesnt help.

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I know leaving him is probably out of the question but I just want to know am I just being selfish and need to do more around the house such as deal with the darn fleas - did I mention :eek: ?

Keeping_Positive

OD Update

£900 received I now have £927 to pay off hopefully by xmas but with 0% by April at the latest.

£150 available in the bank with £47.50 to go in and £120 to go out already. Also need to shop to last until pay day next Thurs.

GirlRacer_2

Oh KP,I've been reading your diary lately and as you hadn't mentioned a lot about OH I really thought things were starting to improve. I don't know what to say to you hun but I do know how hard it is working and trying to look after the house on your own. My ex always worked away so even though I was married it felt more like being a single-parent.

How do you feel about him, do you love him? could you live without him? I know you've been here before and always decide to stay for the sake of the kids.

It sounds to be like things are getting on top of you. With regards to the fleas, they are treatable, our old moggy (god rest her soul) was a fleabag and I was forever treating her for fleas and spraying the house, they're a bleeding nuisance aren't they? Our new kitty doesn't seem to get them, but saying that I tend to keep on top of treating her with flea treatment. As for the house, no, your not being selfish, we all need a helping hand. My mum does loads for me, every afternoon she comes to my house whilst I'm at work and does a few odd jobs, nothing major but enough to help me keep on top of it.

Don't know what to suggest with regards to OH but couldn't you gently hint that things are getting on top of you and you could do with a little help?

ltm07

Keeping_Positive wrote: »

Morning up date/whinge

Feeling a bid fed up with OH. Not only is he secretly smoking still - deception is the upsetting bit not the smoking although not v happy about that. We now have FLEAS :eek: :eek: and they love to bite me. I am fed up with my house being a tip.

Please let me have your opinons as to

Am I being unreasonable?

My arguments: - I work all week, do all cooking and most of shopping. Arrange family outtings, deal with all mine and house hold finances inc paying for everything. I do help around the house usally washing up, bathing kids occasional blitzing of bathroom and toilet. Mow the lawn.

OH - only really pays for himself, does contribute £100 a month and pay bits towards kids trips, sweetie money and some shopping. I do end up subbing for petrol, golf, clothes etc. Doesnt work but can play golf and score between 81 - 90 which is darn good to be honest. Does most of housework inc ironing but house is cluttered. Loo and bathroom rarely looked at.

He also lies alot so in the 12+ years I have known him although I can read him better I still dont fully trust him.

For OH - He is partially disabled in constant pain and takes strong pain killers. Hes is depressed (wont admit it half the time or seek help :mad:). Low self confidence again wont admit that. Does do most of the stuff aound the house although I would like alot more done. The kids and I do make alot of the mess so I know that probably doesnt help.

---

I know leaving him is probably out of the question but I just want to know am I just being selfish and need to do more around the house such as deal with the darn fleas - did I mention :eek: ?

Hi KP, most of my OH's & my arguments revolve around housework too! It does sound to me like your OH could do more but in his defence if you & the kids are making a mess then this probably gets him down & he probably thinks what's the point! I also know what you mean about him not admittng to being depressed. On the outside I am the happy go lucky guy but on the inside i sometimes feel really low & fed up. Don't think I'm depressed & I know that there's people alot worse off than me but I do go into phases where work, debts & life in general get me down. I think it's a bloke thing bottling it up & not admitting when we're down. May not work for everyone, but OH & I pool all our money together to pay everything & then split our spending money 50/50. Going back to the cleaning it's sad I know, but i once remember watching How Clean Is Your House on TV & the woman on there made a very good point about clutter, saying if you put 3 items down a day & do not put them away, then within a month that's 100 items cluttering up the house. I would say that our house is clean, but we do have alot of clutter, most of it shoved in cupboards & drawers which we are determined to sort sometime this year:o ! With me working 6 days & OH working 3-4 12 hour nightshifts a week it can be hard to keep on top of things. I was doing an extra hour a day overtime at work on top of the 6 days I work & was just too knackered to help around the house as much as I'd like to. Now I have stopped doing the extra hour at work & use this time to do housework. We are around £40-£50 a week worse off but I am alot less knackered by doing this but having a nice tidy home means we are less stressed, as they say 'A tidy home is a happy home!' Hope you sort things out together.

In_Search_Of_Me

aww hugs for you. Can you sit down and have a chat? Both of you say how youre feeling? Marriage is tough at the best of times but with two of you struggling there are bound to be tensions. Have you considered relate? May help to have a third party help sift through the issues?
Maybe for now just focus on a day at a time and maybe take some time as a family to declutter the house? Have been doing that of late and it feels great to get rid of stuff I'll never use plus will make some money at the car boot...quite good fun too me thinks?
Hugs for you too GR...not a failure taking anti -d's but can certainly understand why you feel that - pm if you want to disuss off boards..thinking of you...

Keeping_Positive

Thank you all :A :A :A , I know I need to speak to him but dont want an argument. I mentioned in GRs thread I do a good Ostrich act . I will try to do more myself which usually kicks him into gear when he sees me making an effort.
Kids also have headlice so I really am itching all over now :eek: . Will treat kids and myself if needed tonight. Havent cleaned bathroom today may have a bash whilst kids are in the bath. Did get to Tesco but all the odds and sods added up to £61 :eek: . Lost track of budget but guessing £260 oops. Doctors wasnt open so kinda off a wasted trip into town. I did back the chq and spend £33 of my £40 birthday giftcard. I was good and didnt by any extras just three things I needed. Was a bit naughty on ebay and have spent £20-25 on body shop bits. A couple I will use but mostly as samples for my new bodyshop at home project. The goods from shop worth £130 ish.

Aim tomorrow is to:

• Get OH to buy flea stuff in town if chemist open (apparently they do a large can so should be chepaer than tesco stuff).
• [STRIKE]Bathroom if not done tonight[/STRIKE].
• Quick tidy - a good hoover and spray upstairs where fleas appear to be concentrated. Will have to do the rest of house over the next few days.
• Chase and catch cat (second thought just feed her then grab :rotfl: )to check / re treat her.
• Mow lawn
• Pack pool away or at least put trampoline over it.
• Pack final bit of tent away that is still on the stairs .
• [STRIKE]Meet Bodyshop at home consultant 3 pm for info on Xmas selling stuff[/STRIKE].

[STRIKE]
Watch NCIS and the last episode of Dexter before passing out.
[/STRIKE]

dizzy_lizzie

Hi Wendy...hope you're ok today as you didn't post today.
I can relate to some of what you're saying. My house is a clutter zone, I have terrible problems getting rid of things, even though I know I should. For instance, and just to make you feel better, I'm sat at the computer and here's what's in front of me, 3 cups, all mine, a glass, not mine, 3 ebay items that need putting away, 2 pens, a comb, a chocolate wrapper, a tape measure, camera, notepad and a newspaper advert!!!!
I bought a book from the charity shop called 'How to de junk your life' The series was on tv. Was something about life laundry were the 'clutterbugs' had to lay all their life clutter on their lawns and get rid, and/or store. Anyhow, it looks good so maybe It'll motivate me. Or be just one more piece of clutter to add to all the other
Ah Wendy, what do we do. Really sorry yourself and OH are having words again. I have to say, as I've said before, I don't know how you manage to do what you do, to be honest. You always seem to have so much energy and do masses in the week.
Hope Monday is the start of a better week for you. I'm still on with my challenge, though it's like swimming against the tide at the moment.
Hopefully catch you tomorrow.
Luvz Dizzy x

Keeping_Positive

Hello

Im ok a bit embarrased as I didnt do much at the weekend but nevermind. OH going to get my perscription and the flea stuff so we can tackle that later. Need to as my legs and feet are constantly being attacked . Bathroom much better though.

Longish week coming up. Need to get some party bookings because I went an signed up for the full thing. I have been wanting to do it for a while. I dont think I ll lose out and hopefully make some extra spending money. Have two reports to finish today and a meeting. Tomorrow in London so need to leave house at 6.30 and wont be back to 7.30ish. Out somewhere Wednesday and then Doctors at 7. Thurs and Fri quieter thankfully, well Im in the office at least.

Keep going with ebay Dizzy all the little bits will add up in the end and hopefully the more time spent the less time to spend.
I remeber the life laundry programme. Would be a good idea for this house. Just need to break it down into rooms really but like I know not to eat too much especially sugary stuff, spend too much, excercise more its easier said than done .

I think overdrafts are really hard to get rid off which is why I have done the balance transfer. Hope that will be a fixed figure to clear.

dizzy_lizzie

Hi Wendy. Too right about the overdraft. It's so hard because I do use it and getting it down means spending less, and spending less to me means I usually spend more!! Nevermind at least we're having a go.
Catch you later
Luvz Dizzy x

mum2one

dizzy_lizzie wrote: »

Hi Wendy...hope you're ok today as you didn't post today.
I can relate to some of what you're saying. My house is a clutter zone, I have terrible problems getting rid of things, even though I know I should. For instance, and just to make you feel better, I'm sat at the computer and here's what's in front of me, 3 cups, all mine, a glass, not mine, 3 ebay items that need putting away, 2 pens, a comb, a chocolate wrapper, a tape measure, camera, notepad and a newspaper advert!!!!
I bought a book from the charity shop called 'How to de junk your life' The series was on tv. Was something about life laundry were the 'clutterbugs' had to lay all their life clutter on their lawns and get rid, and/or store. Anyhow, it looks good so maybe It'll motivate me. Or be just one more piece of clutter to add to all the other
Ah Wendy, what do we do. Really sorry yourself and OH are having words again. I have to say, as I've said before, I don't know how you manage to do what you do, to be honest. You always seem to have so much energy and do masses in the week.
Hope Monday is the start of a better week for you. I'm still on with my challenge, though it's like swimming against the tide at the moment.
Hopefully catch you tomorrow.
Luvz Dizzy x

Remeber the series the life laundry, the results it got was amazing, it declutters your life as well as your mind, I remember one programe this woman had photos and she would take 10 pics of the same thing (b4 digital), and they got herjust to keep 1 of each.
The woman who did the programe she had a winny voice.
But gd luck with the book. xx