Slaying my debts, the second year

beanielou

I cant remember if you have been to your Dr recently~if you havent please go hun ASAP & gets things checked out & tell them how you feel.

Buffythedebtslayer

thanks Z,

Mostly she sits in the dark. or goes to bed really early without speaking to me. I try to do stuff, go out see my friends, but then she is on the phone to my sister oh yes she is out again. I don't think she means to but she does not like change, me getting a second job was a big deal cos we would have to have dinner late.

it is so hard, she devoted her life to us, always dinner on the table, holidays, presents I can't just walk away. but equally it seems I can't find a happy medium. I so need to move out but until I am better off I can't.

Buffythedebtslayer

beanielou wrote: »

I cant remember if you have been to your Dr recently~if you havent please go hun ASAP & gets things checked out & tell them how you feel.

she gave me a mild antidepressant, which if I take I fall alseep which would be great if I didn't have to work. if I take them later I can't get up.

she said I wouldn't feel better till I changed jobs.

And it is unlikely i would get a teaching job as well paid as the current one.

Buffythedebtslayer

this diary was meant to be all positive.

Sorry guys. I wish I hadn't started this now! I know exactly what the answers are.

1. Just do what I want more often instead constantly considering her. and not doing what I want at all.
2. really work hard on paying off the debts
3. look for somewhere cheap(!) to rent eventually.


3.

beanielou

Why dont you think you wont get another teaching job thats as well paid?
Would the salary scale not be the same?

mum2one

Buffy, it sounds like stress, but with u being sleepy, Id pop to the docs to ask for a blood test

Please, please do something for you, I spent my late teens, and most of my 20s trying to plz my family, trying to make up for them loseing their daughter, I felt I owed them, I missed out on a lot, I always remember my ex Ian, we were 2gether 4 2 yrs, he once said if u ever leave home one of ur parents will end up killing each other, mum winds dad up, he lashes out, Im in the middle, that was big part of my childhood, I couldnt leave, now for different reasons Im stuck here, as I need their help, but my sanity is my holidays, and without them Id end up haveing another breakdown. U are not responsible completely for your mum, it sounds like she has latched to you for dependency as ur the nearest, your sisiter needs to help out, maybe ur mum needs someone to talk to, I know u lost ur dad, and Im sorry if I sound insensitive, I promise u that is the last thing I want to do, but have u looked at cruse, mainly for ur mum, sounds like she needs to have a focus on life, and this will make ur life easier. I guess ur friends see the person who doesnt go out much, who works to much, not the truth.
Plz plz go and get checked out, maybe ask ur doc 4 a referral for councelling.

Buffythedebtslayer

beanielou wrote: »

Why dont you think you wont get another teaching job thats as well paid?
Would the salary scale not be the same?

I am at the top of the pay scale, am too expensive for most places. it is cheaper to employ an NQT and most places do, we haven't employed any thing but in our place for the last year or so, I am an outdated member of staff at 32.

xx

Buffythedebtslayer

mum2one wrote: »

Buffy, it sounds like stress, but with u being sleepy, Id pop to the docs to ask for a blood test

Please, please do something for you, I spent my late teens, and most of my 20s trying to plz my family, trying to make up for them loseing their daughter, I felt I owed them, I missed out on a lot, I always remember my ex Ian, we were 2gether 4 2 yrs, he once said if u ever leave home one of ur parents will end up killing each other, mum winds dad up, he lashes out, Im in the middle, that was big part of my childhood, I couldnt leave, now for different reasons Im stuck here, as I need their help, but my sanity is my holidays, and without them Id end up haveing another breakdown. U are not responsible completely for your mum, it sounds like she has latched to you for dependency as ur the nearest, your sisiter needs to help out, maybe ur mum needs someone to talk to, I know u lost ur dad, and Im sorry if I sound insensitive, I promise u that is the last thing I want to do, but have u looked at cruse, mainly for ur mum, sounds like she needs to have a focus on life, and this will make ur life easier. I guess ur friends see the person who doesnt go out much, who works to much, not the truth.
Plz plz go and get checked out, maybe ask ur doc 4 a referral for councelling.

Mum was offered counselling but wouldn't go, I can't get time off work to go. my sister thinks Mum is fine - cos she is when she comes round she only sits all depressed and miserble with me(!) my other sister has some idea. Part of the reason for me feeling like this is cos Mum was meant to visiting my sister next month. the doctors have said she can't go yet till her blood reaches a certain number(!) I was hanging on for that. lots needs fixing and she won't/can't do it.

I really didn't want to do this! but I do feel a little better.

Buffythedebtslayer

Z, I think part of the problem is that i have made a few changes? I don't have as many pets as I did, once all the rats passed away I didn't replace them, life is MUCH easier now without them and the monthly bills. The second job has improved my confidence massively. and I did start to feel a load better about things. I hoped Mum would too, but she doesn't its always NEGATIVE. going to work, negative, eating, negative, everything is boring and she is ALWAYS unhappy (which I understand) But once my sister is round its all laughs and smiles and cheery we have guests talk. I find that so hard to take.

wow I am really rambling tonight!

sarahb123_3

Hi Buffy:grouphug: With regards to your job, are you definitely planning to leave when you are debt free? If you are, try to work out a date for when that will be, ie if it is Dec this year, can you work there until the end of that school year, Aug 2010 to save up some money and to ensure you get paid for the summer as well, to tide you over for job hunting, and a possible drop in pay? I know you are unhappy now, but things always look easier when you can see an end to them. If you have a date in your head for when you are able to leave you will see it is not as relentless as it feels.

You feel now that it will never end but if you let yourself see the light at the end of the tunnel it won't feel so hard. Have some achievable targets in you head, eg cc card cleared by May, loan under 10k by August, write resignation when under 5k, something like that, as steps on the way to freedom, whe you pass one, regroup and see how to get to the next one. Try to just concentrate on one thing at a time. No wonder you feel as if you are spinning plates, you are placing too much pressure on yourself.

With regards to feeling poorly all the time I definitely agree with the person who advised you to get yourself checked for anaemia, you will feel loads better if you can get your energy back again and everything will stop looking so difficult. xxx