What would you do?

lostinrates

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I'm sorry that you saw my comments as unhelpful as the opposite was intended.
......................
Your brother may not be a nice person but you'd have to be a saint to tolerate the situation at present without making any complaints.

That's exactly how I feel.

I am not unsympathetic to OP. As it happens I live in my parents house and my DH is here at weekends, so I understand more than many might. BUT, I realise I am very lucky. I feel that this should be repaid not only by our making sure our living here does not cost them money (i.e. we pay at least our share of bills and 'group' buy things, some of which we simpy don't use) but I also do by far the majority of the housework here. In fact, this house is arranged over three floors, my parents alone use the top one so I rarely go up there, but from the top of the stairs down I consider it fair that I clean. Not only am I younger and more mobile than my mother I feel that somehow DH and I make more dirt anyway . I feel there has to be more benefit in having not only a family member but the partner here too to make it worthwile for them over a paying lodger -which BTW they wouldn't have, but they would have delicious privacy and more space!, and by doing thngs like th house work I try and have an impact that improves my families life in a way that not only leaves them not out o pocket but also has a beneficial effect on quality of life that a 'standard' lodger couldn't.


It can be testing living with family, and testing for the house owner a little more than the other party I think. In order to make it sucessful the abilty to count to ten and walk away and to have a deeply compassioante attitude towards the other family memebr and the constant reminder of how they are enabling us to acheive something is essential. Its very hard not to fall back into th more familiar realtionship (in my case teenage rebellion over nothing :rolleyes: in yours I imagine sibing rivalry/ealousy) but really unhelpful if you do.

Oldernotwiser

lincsdan86 wrote: »

I'm sorry Oldernotwiser, but this subject is causing me and my partner alot of un need stress so i do tend to get a little touchy about it, but i shudnt have directed it at you,

Okay, we worked out the other day exactly the extra costs for him which are:

Council tax: approx 40 (as you say)
Gas: gone up by 10 a month
Electric: at most 25 a month
Water: 10 a month

Giving a total of: 85 which gives him a total of £165 extra cash which is about an extra pay rise of about £3000 a year for having us stay in his house where we hardly see each other - (ships in the night)

What would you suggest being a reasonable amount of money to pay?

Well as a householder of many years I think you've vastly underestimated the additional costs involved. Anyway, I would think that at a minimum you should be paying the existing £250 as rent and splitting the utilities 3 ways.This would be what you would do in all normal house/flat sharing situations. You're talking as if your brother is your parent and you're the children trying to get away with as little as you can.

I also agree with what lostinrates says about taking on more domestic responsibilities; after all, if the kitchen is messy, why shouldn't you two be the ones to clean it up? If you treat this as a normal house sharing situation between 3 adults then the whole situation becomes more viable. Leave the family thing out of the equation.

lincsdan86

These are the figures that he has given me, well the ones I have heard anyway. dont get me wrong we do do the dishwasher on the rare occasion when it is full when we get to it, often we are beaten to it and others i do admit we forget about it. Obviously we all do our washing seperate.

We will see what happens when i have a talk with em later.

Catblue

You are doing the right thing by working hard to reduce your debts, so well done on that front.

Can you sell your car and your motorbike?

lincsdan86

Catblue wrote: »

You are doing the right thing by working hard to reduce your debts, so well done on that front.

Can you sell your car and your motorbike?

Hopefully if i get the job where my partner works then we will be getting ride of the motorbike which wud give us some money for a deposit.

Catblue

You could also look into selling your current car and buying something that costs less and is cheaper to run.

If you do get this job, you could advertise for car sharing with other commuters from your town. This would help you out with petrol costs.

Have you got any other stuff to sell? Why not have a clear out and ebay all your gadgets that you won't have time to play with when the baby comes?

lincsdan86

Catblue wrote: »

You could also look into selling your current car and buying something that costs less and is cheaper to run.

If you do get this job, you could advertise for car sharing with other commuters from your town. This would help you out with petrol costs.

Have you got any other stuff to sell? Why not have a clear out and ebay all your gadgets that you won't have time to play with when the baby comes?

The KA is on a 0% finance deal and I dont think there is much point selling it atm.

Sel my gadgets? SELL MY GADGETS??????? :-0 never lol, I dont have that many anyway.

lincsdan86

Update:

Spoke to brother last night and it seems we have got it sorted out. We will do more of the things like the dishwasher etc and he will stop talking about throwing us out. Will still get him to sign a letter tho as we would like to move out if we can, and if all goes to plan we might be able to afford the deposit for a rental, or have i already said that?

Mips

Ask him nicely to knock up a letter that says he doesn't want you there with a newborn baby.. house is too small.. whatever whatever...

Explain to him that this will not give you a property instantly, it could still take 12 months.. but you are getting the ball rolling.

It's only a little white lie... but you need to stand on your own two feet and for the baby coming along, both of you need to be stable. Living unsure about your situation is not stability.

notlongnow_2

Well done OP, glad you seem to have a clearer picture with your brother. Just wondering...if baby is due in december then if you are going to rent somewhere before then you need to find somewhere pretty sharpish. ive never rented but surely it cant be just 'i like it, ill take it, ill move in tommorow'? You need to find somewhere now so you have time for references etc to go through.

If you do end up staying with your bro when you have baby then you cant just stay in one room. Babies come with LOTS of big stuff..lol(obviously you know that, im not in no way talking down to you) Is your room big? Im presuming its not as big as brothers so is it a 'normal' double room?. Where is baby going to sleep? storage for baby clothes/pram/steriliser etc etc. They are only tiny but come with A LOT of baggage..lol and its deceiving how much room they take up. Plus if the rest of the house is messy then dont forget you will be having midwives and health visitors coming around seeing you are living in one room...although maybe this will be an advantage for you and they may be able to help.

Does brother know its a possability to have you both and new babba as well?

Gosh I really feel for your situation. Maybe timing wasnt the best but I wish you the very very best of luck with everything.:beer: