some advice please would be most appreciated

joflo_2

Try telling him that dinner is something he doesn't like to eat, do it for a week or so. Anyone spending that much on phone calls needs a reality check. You are probably spending at least 20 pounds a week on feeding them? I guess she is spending the food money on the phone bill.

I do hope he doesn't break anything expensive as asking her to replace it might stop her coming over although she does seem quite thick skinned.

Good luck just think of how much money you will save not feeding two extra people.

J

OrangeProse

tattoed_bum wrote: »

i did put him on the naughty step for stamping on my sons ds ,thats when he decided to rip the wall paper of my wall .he then told us my son did it when my son was in the room with us at the time

What a horrible little turd.

If the Dulux dog can control itself around household decor then surely it's not too much to expect a (presumably) human child to do the same. The thing with Naughty Steps is that they have to be used consistently - if his mother is letting him bulldoze through the walls and smear his own excrement all over the walls at home without taking any kind of action then he's probably not going to understand when you try to punish him.

tattoed_bum wrote: »

when her ds comes in the house his first words are whats for dinner ?
what can you say when a child is asking

OK, here's a few:

• Sprouts
• Fish paste on Ryvita
• Tripe 'n' onions
• Dog food

Or, you could announce that the whole family's just gone on a macrobiotic diet and you'll be on miso soup and lentil chowder for the foreseeable future.

Crikey, she's spending £80 per month texting men from the dating channel? I hope she gets a heavy user discount. I spend less than that on my gas and electricity combined every month!

paddy's_mum

So she is spending one quarter of her weekly income on a mobile phone. Another .. what - quarter? on ciggies, only goes out if you take her, is fed and her son clothed by you.

Please PM me your address so that I too can visit often and can cut my cost of living to the same degree, at your expense. I can also practically guarantee that you'll find me much less trying than your so-called friend, and at the very least, I only strip wallpaper if the homeowner asks me to!

Develop asthma and ban ciggies anywhere on your property - house, driveway, garden. I don't think she'll stick around long if you aren't funding her in all these different little ways. This woman is a leech.

Amber_Sunshine

tattoed_bum wrote: »

i guess i will have to stop helping her out ,its the thought of her son going without decent shoes or gifts for christmas both her son and mine are 5 yrs old
it,s just the way i have been brought up i suppose to always help when you can

Which is to your credit, but I agree completely with other posters, this woman is just taking the !!!! and using you. Let her be responsible for her own son. I know benefits aren't generous, but she could manage her money better and prioritise her son over texting and ciggies.

Frankly, I'd just say flat out that you're not subsidising her any more. Not that you can't, but that you won't. She'll make out you're the villain, and then you can have the pleasure of telling her to sod off. That's how I'd play it, but then it doesn't take much to unleash my inner Sharon Osbourne!

consultant31

tattoed_bum wrote: »

it,s just the way i have been brought up i suppose to always help when you can

But you're not really helping her - you're leading her to believe that she only has to turn up looking pathetic and everyone will subsidise her lifestyle!

The best way to help is to teach her to stand on her own two feet just as you will with your son as he gets older - how would you feel if he turned out like your 'friend' and her son?

Don't mean to be harsh but some people don't understand hints (or pretend that they don't)..........you need to tell her straight that it's got to stop!

Bogof_Babe

Is she very young herself, and perhaps looking for a mother substitute? Not that you should be one, but it might explain why she is always under your feet.

Does she have family of her own? If so could you suggest she spends more time with them?

paddy's_mum

You know, a few minutes ago I got into my jimjams and climbed wearily into bed after a long and busy day. As I lay there preparing to sleep and going through the events of the day, as you do, something suddenly jumped into my brain.

Your husband let it be known that he wasn't happy with this 'friend' spending too much time in his house. She took the hint but only to the extent of deriding him (to you, by god!) and making sure that the coast is clear for her to come around and ponce a little bit more.

t bum - I really do believe that you must, yourself, start defending your family against this unpleasant interloper, this disrespectful and careless destroyer of harmony. You didn't answer part of my earlier question. What part of this woman would you miss if she was no longer in your life?

While this thread has, in part, almost become joking and at times very amusing - are you going to be just as amused if your husband suddenly tells you that you either get rid of the friend and stop using 'his' hard earned money on supporting a waste of space or he will be leaving you tomorrow?!

Further, it occurs to me that if she can afford to spend something approaching one half? or at least well over 25% of her disposable income on totally unecessary tripe, she can afford to get a bus into town, visit the library, scour the charity shops, go to the park, make another friend or two, take her boy to things like Fire Station Open Days, needlework classes ... but you get my drift, I am sure.

OP - it has only now occurred to me to recognise the danger that this 'friend' represents. Tell me .. if next week, you get a monumental and totally unexpected bill which you MUST pay - is your friend going to offer you the contents of her larder, her freezer? Is she going to bend over backwards to give you everything she can lay hands on? No .. ?

It seems to me that you can no longer afford this so-called friendship so get rid of it!!!

nerdycatlover

Err, with friends like her, you don`t need enemies!!!!
Why don`t you ask her who she sponged off before she met you?
No, honestly....... make a joke out of it, but tell her how you feel. Real friends don`t carry on like that.Try and make other friends who will be round at yours when she turns up.
Oh, and don`t feel guilty because you don`t feel like subsidising her.It sounds like you`ve done enough for her already.

Doom_and_Gloom

With a person like this I would just tell them what I think of them. I'm rather forward with my approach mind and will tell a person just what I think if I feel they are taking the p**s.
She may be a single mother on benifits but I have a friend that is single mother with a little girl and she manages just fine with working, looking after her daughter, doing a course, paying bills etc. My friend would have MUCH less money than your friend mainly because her accomadation is not paid for! She puts her daughter first quite rightly and I can not remember the last time she smoked or went out let alone drink in her own house with friends etc! Your friend should do the same with her son.

If your friends son is asking "what is for dinner" and ovbiously expecting to get fed I would be stating that it is rude to be so assumptious in another persons house. Also that his mum will feed him when they get home as that is what mums do. Yes I do realise this is harsh but 2 extra mouths 5 days a week now that has got to be at least £20 a week. That is over 1k a year :eek:. How can she expect you to pay for this . She gets her accomidation paid for and as you said £80/wk ontop of this to basically pay for what you are paying for :mad: ontop of paying for your family. £20/wk to text a dating service is more important than putting food on the table for her son as you are doing that :mad: . I do not believe she is buying that much food if she insists on staying at yours for most if not all the day.

The thing is you have a disabled son and that can cost ALOT. I would state this to your friend. It may on the surface look like you have alot of money but after all the household bills etc and the cost of your son ontop of this that there is little left if you need it due to something that is unseen. Your rainy day money seems to go on this person. I am sure she knows what you are doing and is banking on that you will just take it as she is a poor single mum :rolleyes: . There are MANY single mums out there that will NEVER think of doing what she actually is.

Your husband is right and you need to get shot of her or make her realise that you are not in a possition to do this. Either way you will have the money you will need. Think of your sons future. The money going to the woman and her son you could give to your own son later on in life to help him out as disabled people can have very exspencive needs and not all are covered by DLA etc.

tattoed_bum

thank you all for your advice ,seeing it from others point of view it does seem pretty clear that she is taking the p!!s,

for the last 2 days i have made myself very busy and have told her i would not be in ,and i hate to be horrid but it has been bliss ,no arguments between dh and i and my ds seems to be a lot more settled and definately more polite .

yes admittedly i will probably miss the company when my ds returns to school,but think of all the money i am saving ,:j

she doesnt do anything with her son i think thats what i feel bad about the most ,
kids need to be out and about
she has no family of her own her parents died and her siblings live all over the place .
she isnt a young mum 37yrs old
like everyone has said my own family need to come first .

you have all been very kind with your advice thank you