Depression Support Thread

Tiff_2

Hi ad!:hello:
I was very touched by your post ad. Thank you for finding the courage to post - you've been through a nightmare and I know just how hard it is to bare your soul like this. If it's any comfort to you hun, quite a few of us here, myself included, can relate to what you've been through regarding multiple traumas and I'm sure everyone here will feel supportive towards you.
I've read through your post ad and, as corny as it sounds, it's true - it really does help to break things down into little pieces and take a step at a time. So let's break this down a little...

ad wrote:

Hi, I hope you dont mind me joining your group. I have been reading this site for a while, on and off. But have only just managed to pick up the courage to post. I just wanted to say that you are all such wonderful and brave people. I dont want to write loads, If i wrote about what I have been going through and what I have suffered, It would be a book which would be never ending.

Of course we don't mind, ad - you're more than welome here. Please feel free to share just how much that you feel comfortable with hunnie.

ad wrote:

I have suffered years of depression since my early tenage years! At the time, it was not recognised for the simple fact my mother was not to bothered so I went off the scales abit resorting into drink and drugs. That went onto self harm. It was only after a friends suicide that a doctor prescribed me antid's and refered me for couselling which I found to difficult to go through. As years went by, I bottled everything up. I had no family or no kind of support but I managed to get through life by putting on a front, so people that knew me, knew nothing of what I was going through. I ended up giving up work as it got to the point I was very suicidal but somehow got through that stage to.

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship with your mum angel and for the subsequent things you went through. It's hard to comment hunnie because teenage life is so volatile anyway. Did you ever tell your mum how you were feeling? Could it be possible that mum didn't/couldn't fully understand all you were going through and maybe put it all down to the infamous 'hormones'? Again, many people can identify with such situations.
Counselling isn't the easy option, I know hun - so well done you. You did really well to seek help from your dr, angel! I'm sorry that you seem to have fallen through the hole that seems to exist between caring for poorly adolescents who grow into poorly adults. And you did exactly what thousands of us do in similar situations - you bottled it up inside. See, if people don't know, they can't talk about it, they can't judge you and then you can forget about it - right? Nope. All the time you're storing it up inside, it's earning interest as one issue piles up on top of another, and you can never truly forget all about it. It's more like you're ignoring it. It was probably the only way you could deal with it at the time hun, as so many of us have. It's a survival tool we use but it does more harm than good if used long term.

For anyone who this might help, here's a link for help with bereavement issues and also one called papyrus aimed at young people - including students - and those around them regarding suicide, depression and self-harm issues. I'm not a professional in any way so please use your own judgement guys. Your own gp is always a good starting point with the best access to many resources that are right for your situation.

CRUSE is a national bereavement charity who can offer the following help:
Day by Day Helpline [FONT=Trebuchet MS, Tahoma]0844 477 9400 [/FONT]
Open Monday to Friday 9.30am to 5pm
[FONT=Trebuchet MS, Tahoma]or email at: [EMAIL="helpline@cruse.org.uk"]helpline@cruse.org.uk[/EMAIL][/FONT]

Young Person's freephone helpline
0808 808 1677
Email: [EMAIL="info@rd4u.org.uk"]info@rd4u.org.uk[/EMAIL]
www.rd4u.org.uk

http://www.papyrus-uk.org/hln.html

ad wrote:

I tried pulling myself together and got a new job and met a guy through work, who then seemed the most amazing guy. Within months of being together he started being violent and very abusive towards me but I stayed with him out of fear and hoping he would change as he had lost his nans. Due to the violence, I had to take a lot of time off work, my company was not happy even though I had medical notes. In the end, I had to confide to my managers what was happening but even though they offered me help, I was to scared to take it as if my now ex had found out he would of killed me. He had attempted to kill me on a few occasions by trying to suffocate me with a pillow and strangling me. He made me loose all my confidence as he was also cheating on me. The final straw came when he gave me a std (chylamidia) in which i also found out I was 3 months pregnant.

I want to say here that you did well to get a new job hun. If only pulling ourselves together was the answer to everything.
How familiar your story sounds to me, angel. I was married and when he lost his mother, I won't go into details again, but he became violent and abusive to me and aggressive to our DS. I remember clearly all the hopes that he would change, that he was going through a hard time - all the excuses in the world rather than admit to myself that it was over. And I remember the cold fear too. One morning I woke up and my first thought was literally ''It's got to be today.'' I left him and DS and I went into a shelter and we were divorced after 14 years together.
I'm so sorry that you went through these awful things ad.
I'm glad you finally told your managers hunnie - it was exactly the right thing to do. I understand why you felt you couldn't accept their help - you did what you thought was best at that time. Did you ever press charges against him for what he did?

ad wrote:

My world fell apart and against everyones wishes I kept my baby. I had a lot of bills at the time, like loans, catalogues of which were all my ex's stuff but everything was under my name as he had bad credit. To cut the story short, I finally had the strenght and went into a womans refuge for the 3rd time and pulled myself together to bring up my child. It has taken nearly 7 years to escape from him, as where ever I went he would find me. He would use the guilt trip and use my child to make me feel bad but I never got back with him in all those years but he would carry on thretening me and being abusive which my child witnessed and also affected my child. He refuses to see my child supervised and refuses to pay any maintenance as he said if i report him to the csa he will kill me. My child now who is nearly 7 has had no contact for over 6 months due to my ex verbally abusing my child. As a mother, it is my responsibilty to protect my child and care for his wellbeing. I know I am at risk from my ex. I have been court many times and had restraining orders. Now I have moved again and he does not know where we are. For the past 2 years, I have had some counselling, Im on 2 different antid's aswell as anxiety tablets. I am now waiting to have couselling again.

Hunnie, you prove here that, inspite of what you think, you are a true survivor. You had the strength to go on and have your baby in extreme circumstances. And then you found the strength somehow to finally leave your ex forever. I left my DH because it got to the point where I realised just what could happen to my son and, as you say, the final strength to leave comes from the need to protect your child.

Frankly hun, I'm amazed your ex is still out on the streets! I'm so glad he has refused supervised visits with DS - I'm sorry but in my humble opinion, I think it's the best thing for your son. My ex-husband was the same and at the time, my son (then aged 9), didn't want to see his father. No matter how much we try and protect our children in such situations, they're not stupid at this age and they have to have time to recover. Your son should not be allowed access to anyone who is threatening to kill someone!
What he's still doing sweetheart, is trying to control you and DS. I know that even though I'd left DH and was apparently safe, I was still terrified of him. I knew what he was capable of doing. This is where your ex's power lies - in the ability to cause you to feel very afraid. Fear is his weapon and gives him a hold over you still. And you are quite right not to underestimate him.

I know the authorities would deny him access to see his son if they knew how dangerous he can be. Do the authorities know about his threats regarding the CSA? In order to receive certain benefits, you usually have to inform them of your ex and his details. The exception to this is where domestic violence is concerned. However, the CSA can stop child support from his wages if necessary, without giving away your location.
Do you have any support now hun? Do you have a social worker? In extreme circumstances, they can help you to move to a different part of the country. Either way, I think it's important that you see a social worker and tell them everything. You could show them your post if it feels too daunting angel. I'd also be very keen in urging you to tell the police about the continued threats. I know it's hard to keep fighting these battles hunnie, but you need the police to get this monster out of your life. Please consider also going to CAB - they are wonderful and will be at your side as you take all the steps you need to take, including the ones to help resolve your debt issues.
I'm very proud of you for seeking medical help for yourself. Again, I know it's not an easy step to take.
Yes hunnie, your responsibility is to protect your child. But please bear in mind that in order to do that effectively, you must look after yourself too!

ad wrote:

About a month ago, I met this guy and he asked me out. I agreed and met up with him. he told me that he had to go round his place and let his cousin in, but i felt a bit awkward with this but thought it wouldnt be a problem. he offered me a drink which I had and his cousin arrived and his friend. He gave me another drink as I told him I would have to leave soon. I woke up the next day completly naked. I cannot remember anything. I know some of you will say, why was I so stupid to go out with a guy I did not know!!! But i accept I was stupid enough and there is nothing I can do to change things. As a result my depression as got the worst it can be. I try not to think suicidal as my child will always come first but i feel I am going mad. I try to block it out as im to scared in case i remember something. Today I had to go to a special clinic and have been given lots of tablets. .

I really feel for you over this awful event sweetie and again, I can relate myself to being a victim of a sexual attack. I'm so glad you're getting medical help for this issue angel. Is any agency helping you?
Right hunnie, what you need to know is that no-one here will judge you or call you stupid. I want you to stop blaming yourself for what happened now, ad. What happened was not in any way your fault and you most certainly are not stupid! Leave the blame where it belongs - with the animals that did this to you. Please do not cause yourself even more heartache by blaming yourself. What you are is the victim of a terrible crime. Blaming yourself will only hamper your recovery.
Did you call the police hun? If not, I urge you to please do so. The police can help you access specialised support and they will listen sympathetically. There are specially trained police officers who will help you through this ordeal. Thankfully, the police are no longer stuck in the past where everything is the woman's fault. I know you can't even imagine it now hunnie, but they can help you through this. They will provide you with support to decide what action you might, or might not, want to take legally - but the main thing is that you will get help from them. The most important thing to do is to look after yourself. Another agency that could be of great help to you ad, is Victim Support. Here is the link to their website:
http://www.victimsupport.org.uk/vs_england_wales/index.php

ad wrote:

I dont know how im going to get through this. It will haunt me for the rest of my life. I have been through so much. I cant face the world anymore. I have one very good friend who I have told and she has been fantastic but i feel like the world has ended for me. I look at my child and I know I have done a good job as my child is happy and healthy. But im so scared about getting worse I dont know what to do. I have spoken to gp briefly but there is nothing he can do. the pain is inside me. Please help me. I havent self harmed in a while, I dont want to but in a way, i want to feel the pain to the pain inside me can go for a bit but i know it wont. How will I get over this and carry on like normal. All these years I have pretended my lifes ok but i cant pretend anymore as I dont have the strengh anymore. Sorry for the long and depressing message. I just needed to get some off my chest. Thank you.

Please don't apologise ad. And btw angel, I was pretending everything was all right and fighting alone for 34 years before I asked for and got help for all the abuse I went through, which started at age 8 - I'm now 43 (ssh!:shhh:) - so it's never too late!

Sweetheart, you are still very much in shock. Everything is raw and you are still reeling from what happened to you. This is completely natural. Of course you can't see a way forward yet angel! If you were skipping around happily, then I'd be very worried about you. You're going through what's almost a grieving phase hun and it's very important that you have professional support to express yourself. There'll be a rollercoaster of emotions and I think it's very important to have the right support to help you through it from the professionals.

You did the right thing in talking to your gp. Does he know all the facts? I'm not any kind of professional sweetie and it's just my humble opinion, but I think that you need a whole lot more than a ''brief chat'' with your gp. Your conversation with him needs to be a long and very honest one. You must be very honest with them hunnie or you won't get the right help you need. I'm very tiffed off at the gp's response - nothing he can do, indeed! Wrong answer! GPs are a gateway to many resources ad - including psychiatrists and psychologists. Have you been assessed by a mental health professional hun? Please go and visit him or another gp in the practice, ad. As I said, maybe you could show them your post or just parts of it. Would your lovely friend go with you, maybe wait in the waiting room to support you afterwards if you didn't want her to go in with you?

I hope I haven't patronised you in any way, ad. I've told you briefly of just some of the things I've been through only because I wanted to try and give you hope that there is a way forward for people who have survived multiple traumas. And I'm not the only one here either. Please know that you are not alone hunnie.
I know I can't change what's happened to me, as hard as I try and want to, but I can change what will happen to me. This is the lesson I'm learning ad and I won't lie to you and say it's easy in any way. There's no quick fix. There's no time limit to this - it takes as long as it takes and it's always a step at a time. The survivor in you is still there because you are asking for help and you're trying to keep yourself safe. Seeking professional help probably saved my life to be honest, hun and even though it can be hard going at times, it's the best thing I ever did.

Everything must be running round in your head hun, so you need to write your needs down. Actually make a list for yourself of who you are going to call and why and tick them off one by one as you do them. Always write down the date, the name, the time and what was said in any phone calls/meetings.;) This breaks things down for you and by having a plan to get help, you'll be regaining some control over your life and it will help you to remember the important things.

By accepting help, if you can reach the other side where you will have learned ways of dealing with your traumas and where you are in control of what happens to you, it is so worth all the tears and hard work. You must be kind to yourself sweetheart - leave all the blame where it really belongs. This is not your fault and you are a very brave soul. Go and get all the help you so truly deserve, ad - you're worth it. I hope this has helped, even if just a little bit by letting you know that people do care and that you're not alone.
Keeping you in my thoughts, hunnie.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Sugar_Coated_Owl

Katie, I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY. I hope you had a lovely day xxx

EthelBloggs

Tulip wrote: »

Its now my birthday and I will chat tomorrow to you all

Night! Night!


love and light,

Katie the Birthday Girl whos age is 21 *wink* I wish

Hope you had the best birthday ever katie.. sorry I'm late.. :bdaycake:

xxxxxxxxx :kisses3:

EthelBloggs

Tiff wrote: »

Hi guys!:hello:
Here we are - Mewsday already!

ettie b! - welcome home angel!:j:j:j I won't be believed I'm sure, but you were strongly on my mind this last 4 days - honestly. It's really lovely to see you back posting hunnie. I'm sorry you've been so poorly. I'll post a proper reply to you later I hope. It's good to see that some of the Old Guard are still around. Keeping you in my thoughts sweetheart.

Much Love,
Tiff xxx

oi oi Tiffster I'm still not as regular as I'd like to be but hopefully I'll get there soon. How are things with you girlie?

xxx

EthelBloggs

geminilady wrote: »

Ethel:j :hello: Welcome back!it is lovely to see you posting.wow 35 is a LOT of tablets,poor you ,but at least you are on the mend.Where has your son gone?to relatives or friends?.My youngest is 16 but i am not yet ready to cut the apron strings,but luckily he has a great group of friends and keeps away from the gang culture.I do understand your worries though it seems every day someones son is getting stabbed.I cannot understand what has happened to this generation,there has always been fights ect but these days so many carry knives it is frightening.How is your daughter now?.I have often wondered how you were all getting on.

it's not that easy to avoid here in London, he's gone to some friends who treat him like part of their own family so I know he's ok there, also the nasty culture that has become the norm here has not yet spread to the sticks so he's very safe which is the main thng. He came up for a visit yesterday and will be back on thursday again. He's enrolled n courses down there n stuff and starting to settle which is a relief. My daughter is doing well now too, got her own little bedsit and managing very well. Hopefully she's turned a corner too.

How are you doing Gem?

timcrips

oooh I wanna a present... boo hoo... someone send me somink

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,

thanks RBK and Ethel for the birthday wishes,I am ok,went to my parents for lunch today and then came home,I was so tired and I had a nice sleep.Had tea then had a bath and washed my hair

Casualty part 2 on tonight continues on from last night hope Tess can be found in time though.

love and light,

Katie xxx

Tiff_2

Hi tim!:hello:
Well...

Here you go hunnie - a little Tiffy gift...although you might want to turn the volume down on your pc first!

http://www.youtube.com/watchv=nTasT5h0LEg&feature=related

Take care angel.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

shazrobo

hi all, had a brilliant day today, went to blackpool pleasure beach with lads, and had a fab time on all rides,
and only one incident occured which spoilt it a little. josh had been in a mood, and thrown a chair in a cafe, and stormed off, at which point daniel comes into cafe and two police officers were about to start telling him off, i said it wasnt him, and other people in cafe accused me of being a liar, saying the lad had swapped his jacket., luckily the officer believed he had an identical twin, and went looking for him, and gave him a warning, but overall the officer was very sympathetic, as he too had ADHD and OCD, (oppositional conduct disorder)
the traffic on the way home was horrendous, down to one lane on m62, and took twice as long to get home.
am exhausted now lol, hope everyone is ok tonight
hugs all
shaz xxx

shazrobo

(((big hugs))) miro, hope the cold disappears pretty soon

am off to bed now, as its been a long day

goodnight all
shaz xxx