ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

cantcope

How about next time your friends say you have a problem you admit it? and ask for their support in stopping? You might be surprised at the support you could receive

Hamsterwheel

I can't believe this is only my 2nd post on this site. The first was over 2 years ago and incredibly, reading it back, it echos of the same problem.

I have been too stubborn to admit that I need help in defeating this demon. Actually stubborn is probably a kind way of putting it, more honestly I'd say that I'm a coward. I was/still am too ashamed of my gambling addiction to seek any help.

A bit of background - My first bet was at 7yrs of age, my grandfather allowed me to place a 10 pence bet with him on his horse winning a point-to-point race (my father being the jockey) at odds of 5-1. A win and 60 pence in hand I unsuspectingly entered into the rollercoster ride that was gambling.

Now obviously it was a very gradual introduction into this new and exciting world but with regular attendance at the races during the national hunt seasons I was surrounded with the atmosphere and exhilaration of people winning.

It was not until my late teens that the frequency of these visits declined as I travelled off to college. Now at this stage, I would describe myself as a keen low stakes wagering individual. I'm guessing the introduction of fruit machines was almost inevitable due to my susceptable nature and it substituted nicely for the horses. The time was that outside of the actual racecourse, I wouldn't have placed a bet but then the fruit machines appeared increasingly in pubs and night clubs and ultimately any spare cash was frequently consumed.

Time went on with more and more temptation being laid down in front of me. I'm now in my mid 30s and have online accounts with several bookmakers and regularly frequent the ones in the nearby towns. Fruit machines are still played on occassion (for fun?!) but the major transition was to FOBT and roulette in general. Now here is where the curse has made its home. I feel at times I can't physically stop myself throwing a few quid on the wheel. I know the maths and probability equations etc which is the reason I've gone from fruit machines to the roulette. I'm also aware the house always has the edge but this doesn't always compute in my head when I keep upping the ante in the vain attempt of recouping my loses.

I've read many of the articles on this site over the past 9 months and was encouraged by the stories and the support being offered. I even managed to survive 39 days without a bet before getting drunk and feeding the fruit machine in the 5th pub on a stag night. The house of cards came crashing down and since then (approx 7 months) I've squandered an estimated 3 grand with £1300 being in the past 6 days :eek:

The big problem is, I was given a few warning shots at the end of last month. I was a few hundred down on 3 occassions and managed to break even again each time within a few days. I made another effort to go cold turkey but choked after day 12 and the past 6 days have been so out of control that I'm scared I wont be able to stop until I've destroyed my life and those around me.

I'm hoping that posting here will help me to discover a way of dealing with the urges that lead me to placing that first coin/note into the machine or cause me to click on the bet icon with the mouse. I'm going to install the computer software to block the gambling web sites but still have to figure out a way of walking past bookies and coping with the flashing lights of fruit machines in pubs.

I'm not going to be able to confess this to anyone I know. I've disguised any problem from those closest through guilt and shame and its the reason why I'm asking you (people I don't know but who have been through similar situations) for your help and support.

jojododd

Hi there I did not want to read and run so to speak. I also have a gambling problem. I try to stay off the sites but, sometimes the urge gets the better of me. I have an addictive nature. Im determined to stay off the sites and cigs.

I hope you can beat this. I have thought long and hard about going to ga but, I would have to go into the city ctr. I do not drive and do not feel comfortable going into town at that time in the evening. Its so easy to gamble nowadays. I have tried to stop several times and failed miserably.

I wish you luck with beating this, and am sure there will be lots more that will reply.

Jojo

Hamsterwheel

Thanks Jojo and luck 2u2, though maybe i should be hoping for inner strength and not "luck" which i feel was perhaps part of the underlying issue. Sorry starting to babble! Actually feel very positive today after putting in a response, its probably the first proactive thing i've done with this addiction and quickly followed up with purchasing gamblock. I know there are cheaper alternatives but really, if i'd spent a fraction of past 7 months losses on blocking these sites earlier...well whos to know, no point crying over spilt milk. Just make sure i don't spill a drop more!!

riquelme

hamster - well done for admitting you have a problem and its great that you're taking the 1st steps to beating it. Its going to be hard for sure, guilt, urges, questions, temptation, low points but these go with time believe me.

Take it one day at a time have a plan to get through today and try and make sure that plan means you DONT pass the bookies. Same tomorrow etc etc. When you feel up to it get yourself excluded from the bookies i did it almost immediately and felt really good about it and myself, not everyone can do this but it closes another door that has the temptation sign written on it. If it helps go with someone. Its up to you but i would consider telling someone, my close friends know now and there is no gambling talk when we're together these days and they look out for me.

Keep posting, if you're struggling come on here and post something, someone will be along to offer some support. We wont judge you, we've all been in the same boat and even though its 2 years + for me i still struggle now and again.

hello jojo, good luck also, keep posting you may get some comfort and advice from reading this thread and from sharing.

have a gamble free weekend everyone

Hamsterwheel

Thanks Riq, your not wrong. I'm feeling tense at present, bit bored and tormented. Its this time on a weekend that I find difficult - sunday early afternoon when the footballs on. I'd usually head into town for a few jars and end up betting on whatever is available. With staurdays, i'm playing sport and then working, so no free time but sunday is generally considered MY day of the week and that usually involves beer and bets.

I've stayed in the house today (so far) and posting here in the hope that the feelig will wear off..... aargh!!! I've been trying to think of alternative things to do but nothing appeals. Is it deamed counter-productive placing bets without actually putting any money on it or am i just fooling myself, AGAIN!??

riquelme

hamster - i think you know the answer yourself. its hard letting go i know.

i hope it went well this afternoon and you managed to go a sunday without a bet..

keep in touch. your posts help us as well

Hamsterwheel

7 LONG days!!
I can't believe its only been a week. I have effectively shut myself in the house (except to go to and from work) and I am hating it. I dont trust myself yet to have the will power required to NOT gamble if I head into town for a few hours. You are right Riq, I did know the answer to my previous post but being such a baby, I thought in the off chance that someone might give me permission I could deflect the blame from myself.

I didn't go out on sunday and didn't try to simulate any betting and frankly had a really s**t day doing nothing and being moody.

On monday, I decided instead of just flicking to a few random pages on this forum, as previously done, to read the whole #938 posts since it started. Being a v slow reader, this in actual fact took a considerable amount of time but it certainly relieved the boredom. Hats off to all who have posted, especially to the regulars. I can personally say that it is only by reading through these, I have been able to keep away from the temptation of gambling, at least for this week.

I'm honestly finding it really difficult. I think looking back on previous attempts, I subconsciously knew that I could go back any time but would be in control because I would be strong enough to stop. This time around, I realise I don't have that ability. A real blow to my ego! Its also making it so much more difficult, the graving seems more intense. I've tried to rationalise my thoughts and attempt to find out why I depend on it so much but not having much success so far.

Bottom line, I love gambling.... yet I hate it!? I love that extra feeling of excitement to the day, watching sport, spinning roulette wheel, turn of a card and the joy of winning. The elation that you picked right and are rewarded for it. I really miss it now, even whilst I'm typing this, at stupid hrs in the morning, I'm getting flash backs to those big winning moments and the buzz that came with it. Now, the saddness that it won't happen again and MUST NOT happen again.

I feel like a long term friendship has come to an end and though it wasn't a healthy one, it is largly filled with good memories. My head doesn't want to acknowledge the fact, that in reality, those winning moments were a lie. That I actually far outweighed any win with an even bigger loss. The moments of silent agonising screaming followed by complete dejection and self hatred, as that bet failed to turn good or as the ball landed in the wrong number, are harder for me to mentally retrieve.

I hate this habit, I hate me for being so weak to actually have this habit, I hate the time I've lost to this habit. I must not let it back into my life..*&(^%^$%£

Gotta get a grip... sorry for above, I just need to put it out there. Jojo hope its going a bit easier for you than i'm finding it, also with the cigs. Theres no way i could cope with giving up alcohol (another bad habit of mine) at the same time, strength to you.

Riq, thanks for your support. I've read all your posts over the past 2 yrs and have to say i'm in awe of your achievements. It really helps to see such strength of character in an individual and gives me alot of hope for a gambling free future.

Jamesdeer001

I have to say that was a good post hamster and really sums up how exgamblers and would be ex feel. I gave up Oct'09 but have really found the last few months difficult and full of temptation. But i inflict on myself as I've been playing the free games and have made £250 in the last few months. No money deposited but damn it become tempting.
I have a +20k debt and a pregnant wife so find myself very up and down when I think about getting rid of that debt. I've just started an extra job (tutoring) which will hopefully cut by debt life by a year but that will also bring extra temptation.
A year later and I still miss that 'friend' and rarely remember the bad times, but do remember when I had my first 1k win on an online slot or first £500 on a highstreet slot. It upsets me that I can never have a friendly game of poker which I kno wwas never gambling for me (I could play with no money, was always social) as it will always be grouped into gambling. I can never to the work sweepstake etc.
It's amazing how tight you are over money, exept gambling money.
It is a horrible disease which makes absolutely no sense to a rational head.
I look at other addictions and have empathy but equally don't understand how I ever could become addicted to that, but gambling was/is completely different

riquelme

hamster - well done, after reading through the thread you will no doubt have come across posts describing the feelings that you are experiencing. Its normal to feel that way, its not nice i know. But i will say what cantcope says a lot and what i believe also. The money has gone, we're not going to win it back, we're rubbish gamblers, the time we've wasted has gone BUT from now on without gambling life will get better, slowly but surely.

James - you're right it is like a friend but proper friends dont make you feel like gambling does, please be careful when playing for free, its only a short step to losing real money again. They know that people are tempted after playing for free.

Im struggling with finances to be honest, still have a lot of debt and have reduced payments due to my new single situation ~~(renting and paying maintenance) I know the answer isnt gambling, its frustrating because there are a couple of ladies on the scene that i wouldnt mind dating just for company at 1st but my finances dont lend to a lifestyle that i could treat someone, which im a little embarrassed about. oh well.

stay strong everyone