ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

cantcope

If you are really serious about stopping get a block put on yous PC. I use a child lock K9 which my dad has the password for. If you have nobody to choose a passwork Gamblock works too

Jimby509

Johntea I think anyone who has gambled compulsively has had the same experience. Last year I managed to get over £4000 from a £50 deposit on online blackjack. I could not wait to gamble more and reversed the withdrawal, I blew £4000 in under 15min.

Gambling is a multi billion pound buissness designed to make you feel like a winner when infact you are being sucked dry. Do you really think that the casino would have alowed you to win £9000 or me £4000 if they did not think they would get every penny back though re-gambling?

You have a winning streak then BAM. Many of the online casinos say they have 95%+ payout rates, though this statistic maybe tecnicaly true it is nearly impossible actulise that winning rate (which is not in the players favour anyway). The online casinos understand the psychology of gambling and know that even though you have a big win and withdraw you will probably reverse the pending withdrawal before it ever even reaches your bank account.

But well done for realising you have a problem before getting into debt. As others tell you, get a gambling block on your computer. I use http://www.plevna.f9.co.uk/block-gambling-with-txnogam.htm it has a 28 day trial.

Keep us posted, James

williamD1964

hi all, today I passed a milestone of 126 days with a bet. It is over 1/3rd of a year. There have been days when I have nearly succumbed, there has been days when I have stood outside of the bookies and looked at the people walking in and out and rejoiced that I didn't want to be like them any more. I have looked at the debt I have built and been physically sick and I have looked at my children and held them tight and swore that I will not destroy their lives any more.
Thank you all for all your past and continuing support.

"Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm".

Keep your enthusiasm people, we can beat this

cantcope

Fantastic post William. It should give some newbies a lot of inspiration that if you want it enough you can have a better life without gambling x

TheLostSheep

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2571307


This is my first post in here....


As some of you might have noticed from the thread I posted on the Debt Free Wanabee forum, I have managed to get myself into some significant financial difficulties. This has seen me rack up a debt of almost £30,000. Whilst some of this has been caused by living beyond my means, a large proportion of the debt has been caused by some incredibly reckless online gambling over the years. On Thursday of last week I eventually confessed all to my girlfriend about the extent of my problems.

I am 28 years old, degree educated, with a full time job. I’ve a lovely girlfriend but am now clinging on for dear life to this relationship due to what has come out in the past few days.

I feel devastated at what I have done – ultimately destroying any hopes and dreams that my girlfriend had for the future. We’ve been together for six years and I, like her had hoped to some day get married, buy a house and have children. Any chance of this appears to have completely gone and she is quite rightly fuming at me. I can’t believe I have hurt the most important person in my life. She knew I bet, but thought I had it under control and only used money in an account to fund some treats that we enjoyed. Obviously I have lied to myself and her.

Having given a quick summary of the situation, I guess it’s now time to speak about the problems I have created for myself. I’ll try to list what I have been doing and come up with some reasons why. This is obviously the hard part!

It’s important to me to point out my problem relating to online gambling is specific in the main to football betting. At times, I’ve obviously had a small flutter on things like: horses, golf, tennis and the like. Like many stories that I read, my problem is not these online slot machines, poker, casinos, roulette or blackjack – and I am glad of this. I’ve always thought these are complete “chance”, where with football I (Wrongly I guess) convinced myself that I had an edge over the bookmaker!



At times (and even up to the last week) I was still making a few hundred quid from betting on football. Over the years I have won competitions and cash prizes for tipping. I’ve been featured in various betting websites and even in a newspaper for some wins. Despite this “massing of my ego” it became clear to me when looking back over the past year that I have ultimately relied on gambling it to keep my head above water. This is particularly strange and perverse given that is the most significant reason for getting me into financial problems in the first place.



On average I was profiting to the tune of £3-400 a month. Some months saw that amount come out my betting account without any deposits. Some months would see a complete lack of control with deposits totalling around £1000 and withdrawals of maybe £1100. Again there was still a slight profit but was it really worth the worry or “thrill” all for just £100? Some months there were plenty deposits and no money withdrawn. Even though I had made a £100 for example over a few months - All of this was being done to service interest on credit cards caused by previously destructive behaviour. I need to realise the risk is no longer worth it.

At a personal level it’s quite hard accepting this. I completely love football as do my friends. I have a season ticket at my favourite team and on the surface I am the guy who his mates come to for tips, because in general I do well at the bookies. If I could control my urges then it would be fine. I’ve lost count of the times that I may have said to a friend, stick £20 on Team X, Y and Z. They all win. We’re out later and they think “cheers for that” – yet somehow I have managed to splurge hundreds more on the same day on things like Total number of corners or goals just for a further interest! I would guess this possibly comes across as denial does it to those reading it by me not fully accepting what I am doing?

The root problem I think is me for some reason looking for a bit of excitement or focus to get rid of boredom and giving off the impression to myself and others that I know what I am doing. It’s been the case I reckon for maybe 8 years that I’ve been doing it. Like many others it started with say £2 on 7 or 8 teams that you knew one would let you down. The stakes then got bigger and the teams reduced. This proved the right idea until I would go chasing losses which make things worse. All of this I seemed to do online. I rarely use high street bookies and if I did, I think the biggest bet I placed there was £50. I can recall the enjoyment getting REAL money back in my hand and the satisfaction from that. At times with the online betting it does not really put me up or down if I win, unless it is a really significant amount, such are my financial problems. It just seems all too easy to get credit and click a button and not accept what you are doing in a faceless transaction.

The main period I created problems for myself were around August to December 2008. My mum died in 2002 and my dad died in October 2008. Both were not even 60. Both had cancer. I don’t want to dwell too much on that as it looks like I am blaming these circumstances. On the surface I thought I coped quite well – but obviously I never as I looked for an escape from what was happening. In some instances, I bet £1000s of pounds on ANYTHING. No research or logic applied, just to get a bet on. I reckon I lost about £15,000 to £20000 in that period. This was racked up on stupidly credit cards where they increased my limit and I for some reason never even thought about how I’d ever pay it back.

All of this appear very stupid. I think it’s correct that I’ve decided to put a stop to the gambling for an indefinite period. I would guess what I should do is stop it NOW and close accounts, get bet filtering software on the go.

The amount of time I was previously spending, researching for information on prospective betting opportunities was becoming excessive. It’s now very clear to me there’s some more pressing issues in respect of my personal, financial and working life that require attention. I need to get these things sorted out and can see a clearer picture as to what is happening with my life.

It’s helped me get these thoughts down ‘on paper’. My girlfriend is telling me to go to GA. I really really don’t want to go to that. I am already at rock bottom and can’t see what good it would do me. I need to focus on other things. I like computer games (PC and Xbox), EBay selling and also Golf, Running and Cycling. There’s plenty there for me to focus on if I can. It’s probably understanding the reasons why I have done it that are maybe a bit unclear. I think reading this, if I never had such big money problems, the answer would be possibly, close the online accounts and try to stop betting with any real money. Given the problems I have, it’s becoming clear that this has to STOP altogether.

Only my g/f knows. My family and friends would go crazy at me.

Thanks for reading this.

shaun40400

sorry for the confusion

was very upset this morning and trying to explain to my 6 yrs old why i was crying and what had happened

it was dt grand daughter that passed away

cantcope

Hi CG and welcome to the thread. Brilliant first post and your right it does make you feel a bit better to get it "on paper".
I've a few questions.... Why don't you want to go to GA? Do you think you don't need it? Have you managed to stop on your own without it? I think your post will tell you you havent it you read it back.
Are you really at rock bottom? frmo what i read you are still with your girlfriend, still have a job..... that is NOT rock bottom. Rock bottom is dead.

I thought i was at rock bottom when i had lost almost 70k of savings and had 20k of debt, couldnt pay my rent, hadnt eaten for months because all my "spare" wages went on gambling. I was using toiletries that came free with magazines that had been left in the staff canteen andi was going home to a flat i couldnt afford each night after working my nuts off to no food, no heating... just my internet connection and suicidal thoughts. Anything i had of any value had been sold on ebay.

I now realise that was not rock bottom. Rock bottom would have been if i'd actually carried my thoughts out. I see people that have nowhere to live, no partner, no job all because of gambling... but they are still not at rock bottom.

i know this sounds harsh and you are no doubt feeling like crap right now but you need to realise these things before you can start building a future.

If your girlfriend, who you say you can't believe you've hurt so much wants you to go to GA, why wouldnt you? It's not about focusing on other things its about changing your lifestyle and your personality. You need to realise you are not the big shot you want your friends to think you are... you put this indirectly in your post. You are young enough to have a brilliant future. With or without your girlfriend.
It's about being mature, taking responsibility for your actions and doing something about it.

start by putting the blocks on your computer, not just thinking about the fact it might be time. You aren't alone in how you feel and you will get lots of advice and support on this thread. Some you wont like but if you are really serious about stopping and giving your girlfriend the future she deserves you'll listen, take it on the chin and move on.

You've done the hardest bit by telling her. Now you have to really accept you cannot gamble again. This might take a while, i know it did with me, probably a good year if i'm honest. but i realise over 3 years on that just one little flutter, on anything, COULD spell disaster for me so i just dont risk it.

TheLostSheep

Cheers Cantcope.

That's the blocking software on the machine so the destructive nature of these depositis won't be happening.

Your reply is really excellent.

GA just seems like such a big things. Maybe I am in denial - maybe I can't accept that going to that would possibly help me. I thought it was about focus. What do you mean about personality and lifestyle changes? I think I come over as quite a likeable and fun guy on the surface - is it deep down that there's the obvious personaility problems such as compulsion and escapism? Lifestyle wise I have already gone for a 4 mile run tonight as I prepare further for a half marathon.

If there's gambling urges then its Xbox time.

GeorgeUK

Shaun, hope you're doing okay

cg, dealing with a gambling problem is going to be more than just saying right, that's it - no more gambling. Even if you were totally focussed on that, it's not dealing with any underlying problems as to why you gambled in the way you did. It takes just one moment of weakness when you think you are back in charge for it all to fly apart.

When cantcope talks about personality and lifestyle changes, it's to help adjust to a life without gambling. You might keep the same personality you have right now, but part of that is an addictive personality. You need to identify what it was that made you focus so much on gambling.
Was it that you wanted to win money and get back to square one?
Was it that you wanted to impress your friends or others?
Were you bored, depressed, trying to get a feeling of achievement?

It's different for everybody and sometimes a little of everything. For me i couldn't move on to deal with the gambling problem until i had looked at the reasons behind the gambling. Gambling wasn't the problem - it was the crutch i used when other things happened. Until i identified this and put in place a better coping mechanism, i couldn't deal with my gambling problem. So yes, that could change your personality in subtle ways.

Like you intend, i didn't go to GA. I could probably come up with reasons like it was too far away and i'm strong enough to deal with it on my own - but i think the bottom line is i'm just plain embarrassed. I don't want people to know i've screwed up like this and made a mess of my life. It's fixable and well on the way to getting back on track, but i'm still cowed with guilt and shame about what has happened.

Riq, if you're out there give us a wave. We're worried about you mate. Hope you're okay.

riquelme

welcome CG, cracking post as always cantcope.

CG - GA isnt such a scary place, you will get the opportunity to share your feelings to people who know exactly what you're going through. Its time to grow up im afraid and face up to the fact that you cant gamble responsibly. Whatever happens between you and your girlfriend you need to stop gambling, with or without her if you continue you will lose everything. Gambling ruins lives, breaks up families (im proof of that) and takes lives. Take 1 day at a time, have a plan for the day, start making changes. Things will get easier over time but dont be complacent, ive just got through the world cup without a bet, its been tough but ive done it (nearly) ive spent lots of time with the kids, made sure i didnt watch too much build up or listen to the radio or buy newspapers with match odds, oh and also turn off the ads at half time.

you can deal with your debts, they will go down, they wont if you carry on gambling, you will get poorer and the bookie get richer.

good luck,

edit - george,, yeah im ok. gone through new expenditure with CCCS and i can just about afford to pay £80 per month, down from £300. hopefully the creditors will accept this or they may accept a reduced full and final in time. had a rough time a few weeks back, doing stuff i shouldnt be doing causing problems for me physically and affecting my work. ive drawn a line under it and moved on and im proud that ive done it (cant say too much on here) focussing on getting straight and dealing with things head on and looking after myself and my children.

will send you PM in a day or so.

take care