ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

riquelme

thanks CC, going to print that off and read it for as long as i need to, will keep it in wallet alongside photo of kids.

xx

diaboliquesaint

Hi all,
I posted this in a different board but it seems this is the better place to put it.
Basically, my partner has been using my card to gamble without my knowledge. I know he has had problems with betting in the past but not for a long time so it was a bit of a shock. Things have been difficult for him lately so I guess that it is why it has happened. I reallywant to help him get over this and try and get on with life.
Unfortunately, the site he was using allowed him to deposit funds from the bank account even when there were no funds there so I am approximately £400 overdrawn, which is not good at all at the moment.
Is there anything at all I can do without him getting into too much trouble? I mean, the betting site allowed him to use the card without entering the card holders address. My card is registered to my old address so do I have any argument in saying that they really shouldn't have accepted it in the first place? They have sent an email to him saying he couldn't deposit anymore because the card has failed security measures but shouldn't they have checked that before he spent hundreds of pounds?
I know it is his fault and he feels completely awful but life is difficult enough without all this at the moment. If there is nothing at all we can do then fair enough, we will just have to cope but if anybody has any advice at all then it would be much appreciated!

Thanks

GeorgeUK

Hi diaboliquesaint, unfortunately the only way you would be able to get any money back is if you reported him to the police. I'm guessing that this isn't something you want.

Hope you are able to get him to see sense before it becomes a bigger problem for you both. Might be worth getting him to read some of this thread - if he sees how some of us have fared he may be able to sort out his reasons for gambling and focus on more important things.

good luck

cantcope

Hi and welcome to the thread. I agree with George, probably the only way forward would be to report it as theft but from your supportive post i too guess this is not something you would want to do.
First thing to do is put a block on your computer blocking all gambling sites. This will at least stop you OH gambling at home online. I use K9 which is free. Its quick and easy to download from here http://www1.k9webprotection.com/ . You can choose the password. make sure it's something your OH will NEVER guess. If OH really wants to gamble he'll find some other way, same as me, but this will stop easy access and immediate opportunities.

Feel free to post as much as you like. We will all support and advise as much as we can xx

indierocker85

I am in £10,500 of debt with gambling, can somebody please help?

Jimby509

Hi indieroker. I am about £8000 in debt due to gambling. This is down from £12000 despite constant relapses.

First objective is to make sure you have stopped gambling now so you dont lose further money. So what is your poison? Internet casinos? horses? etc

Find a way of blocking your gambling first then tackle paying off the cash and getting debt free.

Well done, J

indierocker85

Everything really.

Lost £1190 in 3 days on online casinos
Then blew £145 of my wages in an hour on Friday
Then blew £185 in one single fruit machine yesterday
Then chasing the losses from the fruit machine, I drew out £100 and went on touch screen roulette at my local casino.

Couldn't really sleep last night, really hit rock bottom I think.
I have pleaded with work for more hours to try and get more money in to try and pay the debts off, but it just doesn't seem realistic. I have set myself a snowball target to pay off £120 a week, which is going to be a hell of a squeeze, but, if I stayed off the gambling wagon, would get me DF by December next year.

How can I resist temptation? I mean, it's all well and good excluding yourself from certain areas, but there is the gambling bug literally everywhere. I mean, theres fruit machines if your ever in a pub, bingo halls, bookies, casinos, arcades, the lottery, scratchcards. It's hard to avoid.

And there always seems to be a voice there saying "just have a little bet on this, and if that comes in you'll win this"

Please help, I feel I have really hit rock bottom

GeorgeUK

Indierocker, looks like you will need to go through a bit of cold turkey.
You need to make the concious effort to avoid the places where there is temptation.

If this means not going to the pub for a month and trying to walk a longer route to avoid going past bookmakers and casinos, then so be it.

There was a period where i couldn't walk past an amusement arcade without looking in the window. Now i don't even notice i'm going past them.

I found it helped to look at the reasons behind my gambling so i could have a stronger base to work from when dealing with the gambling. I also play more computer games - kind of replacing one addiction with another i know, but part of what i missed was the repetition of the games and how you could lose yourself in it for hours. I do that sometimes still, but at the end of the day all i've lost is a few hours and no money.

dprovan

Hi all,

came across this thread have read through many of the posts and can relate to almost all of them...

To cut a long story short I have gambled from the age of 16 at first it was fruit machines, then football, and eventually all sports online and in the bookies.... I reagrd myself as having a compulsive personality.... For long periods of my life I hold down a responsible job, fulfill the role of a responsible father of three and husband and most people who know me would have no idea that I could have this other side of my life.... My online gambling became obsessive in the extreme. I could easily spend 10 hours per day placing bet after bet... In the beginning I studied the form and read numerous forums looking for angles.... By the end I just picked a selection and placed the bet........I didn't even need to be watching the event... I seen me placing a bet of between £100 and £200 blind on a basketball match or how many runs a team would score in a cricket matchg (I hate cricket:rotfl:).

I confessed at different stages to my wife who has always been supportive but she always allowed me to control the money so the full extent of the financial impact was never clear. I spilled the beans completely in August 2009, I didn't gamble the remainder of the year but then moved my compulsive behaviours to other areas of my life I started selling compulsively on ebay and drinkming too much also.... The upshot was that I had a terrible new year. I think of it as a mini breakdown. I got to new year and reviewed my life and didn't like what I saw..... I am something of an enigma.... My life is perfect in every way beautiful family, all healthy, lovely living environemnt etc etc but my sadness came from my own destructive behaviour... So on the back of this mini breakdown I looked at the drinking and ebay selling behaviour I did well for a month and then had a golfing holiday with the lads where I had a bet with them which then lead me naively to think I could control this again....As everyone else in this thread will realise this was of course !!!!!!!!, I then had about a month where I racked up approx another 1k of debt....

So time to come clean with my wife again... She was heartbroken, I have never felt so low to see how I was affecting someone I cared for so much. I was very low...... This was about 6 weeks ago. I wasn't sure of date and had to count back using my bank statement (I can't believe it is only 6 weeks ago:eek: as it feels like 4 months or so).

So here I am I have about 34k of debt. I dont even know how much is gambling debt but one way or the other it is linked. See to ease the guilt I would have instigated expensive gifts/treats as a way of easing my guilt about how I was behaving...

When I focus on the debt I feel sick.... and can feel the low feelings returning to my stomach... I reckon it will take me between 5-6 years to clear..... and that feels like a bloody long time......However in my more balanced moments I recognise that life shouldnt be a race... I also recognise that me paying this money does not stop me enjoying the things in life that truely matter to me and I am lucky to have those, I realise that many in my situation have lost much more............

It is not easy for me to join a GA group for a number of reasons so I may hang around this forum from time to time for a bit of mutual support.

indierocker85

I think I will have to do "cold turkey" your right. Well, all I can do is take one day at a time and say to myself, right Saturday 29th of May 2010 was my last bet. And never again shall I place another one.

Hopefully, ifI can deal with the gambling problem, gradually if I stick to my plan the debt problem will get better too.

Will still be here regular though for support, if you guys don't mind?