ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

Sunny_Bear

Hi ames,

He sounds so mean, he said he put things on ebay for you so then you had to pay him for that? is he your boyfriend or just a carer? No offence but it doesnt sound like he respects you much.

He sounds v v selfish and if I was you I wouldnt put up with it.

I can so relate to him taking your cards etc, but since I last posted things seem to have calmed down for us and hes just doing £10 on a Saturday out of his own acct.

Im taking the biggest steps in my life ever, Im going Bankrupt. This is not down to the gambling but it really hasnt helped, we added up the transactions on my statements at the weekend and it was around £2500 for the year, still too much though. He was trying to justify it but knows that if he ever, ever gambles on my acct again then thats it, over forever.
He says he gambles as we are in so much debt, but since making the BR decision, I hope and pray it means we can move on from this and build a family together with no debt.

Anyway, regarding you getting someone else to come in and help, my mum is disabled and she gets some money from the gov. to pay fro a carer in the morning, they come every morning and get her up and washed and dressed, she then has emloyed someone to be with her all day that she also gets the money from.Dont stay with him just because your scared to be alone, you wont be and your life will be so much better xx

Take care lovie x

Ames

no, he posted the things for me and paid the postage so by buying the food I was paying him back for that.

He's more carer than boyfriend right now, but there's no one else to do the work for me.

I get DLA, but that wont cover cleaners at £20 an hour. I'm not exactly scared of being alone, I'm just scared that the depression will come back if I end up stuck in the house for weeks on end not able to get out and not seeing or speaking to anyone. If that makes sense?

And it's not me staying with him, it's my flat, so I'm letting him stay, mainly because he has nowhere else to go. He's seeing his dad (who lives abroad) in a month or two, hopefully then he'll be moving on.

And if he gambles from my account again that's it, he's gone. I suppose he's right that his carer's allowance is for him to do what he wants with, after all I use my disability benefits for things for me.

GeorgeUK

That depends on how much rent he pays and if he pays towards the food, utility bills, council tac, tv licence etc.

MSE will be here for a while yet methinks. You're not going to be alone, although can't vouch for the standard of conversation you'll get from these repribates.

riquelme

ames - perhaps its time for you to be a bit selfish and think about yourself

riquelme

sunny bear - RE your OH - ive said the same things myself and tried to justify 5er or 10er on the footy at weekends. didnt realise that my OH hated me doing this. and this small time betting led to another major blow out.

sunny - believe me, its only a second away. a weak moment thats all it takes, home alone witha card and computer - thats all it takes. a wallet full of money or simply a cc - thats all it takes

promise us that you wont let him have access to your money becasue its easily done. im saying this for you and your family

good luck with the BR

as always best wishes to everyone

trancebabe

GeorgeUK wrote: »

You're not going to be alone, although can't vouch for the standard of conversation you'll get from these repribates.

Oiiii! We heard that !!!

Sunny_Bear

Well when I am BR I wont have anything but an electron card, and he cant get any credit in his name as he has a default from ages ago, so it should be ok. My wages are going into my acct that he will have absolutly no access to. Once he gets a job weve decided he will have an allowence and then when its gone it gone.

I know what your saying and I dont want to make excuses fro him, its crap and I hate him gambling, he did say he was going to go to GA but nothing happened, and he still wants the 5 or 10 a week for the football. I cant make him stop, but I can certainly stop him using my money. He is an adult after all and he knnows what he has got to loose so the ball is in his court.

Sunny_Bear

Oh yeah, a while ago I put gamblock on the computer and all he did was reset it back to factory settings!

trancebabe

good for you Sunny... time to take control of what's yours and protect yourself.

you'll only get dragged down if you don't...

Sunny_Bear

Right, after I was on here yesterday I sent my H an email saying I was scared hed have a bad day one day and go crazy, so hes agreed to putting gamblock on and just going to the bookies for 1 bet on a Saurday. I know thats still gambling but at least I know hes not going to be up all night online gambling. Hes gona have a tenner on the football on a Saturday morning and if he wins will go and collect the cash, I think when he sees it as real money, itll make him think twice about spending it back!

I know your probably all thinking its still not good, but this is a huge step forward for us!!