ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

cantcope

I agree with George about getting some help for yourself. Try the gamcare forums. There are quite a few "partners/parents" on there supporting each other. I'd also suggest calling Gamblers Anonymous as they can send you some literature that may give you some advice.

I really hope having your sister around will give you the courage to sort this out. You deserve better and at the end of the day you are trying to help your partner.

My story was a bit different in that nobody knew i was doing it until i cracked. So i didnt actually hurt anyone but myself until they found out. By then i was determined to get help but that didnt stop the people around me hurting.

Please dont feel lonely. There are lots of people on here to chat to and likewise with gamcare. They have live chat most evenings/afternoons with a moderator who can give you some excellent advice.

Take Care xxx

PS. Keep up the good work George x

riquelme

ames - sorry to hear about this, its tough i know.

ive put my OH through it

what made me change is the thought of losing everything, was close to suicide a month back.

i couldnt face being without my family and that spurred me into action and determined to beat it.

not sure if any of this is helping you, but thats what worked for me, my motivation was what i could lose. i'd pushed my OH as far as i could. if i have 1 slip up thats my family gone and probably my life too. i cant put anyone that i love through this.

remember you have friends on here , so moan as much as you like, you wont be judged and we will help as much as we can

xx

james32_uk

I'm one of the lucky few gambloholics who's been able to reform myself. My big problem, like many problem gamblers, was that I would not be able to resist chasing losses. I would often have a small flutter - maybe only £20-£30 and if I won then great and I would stop. But a loss would inevitably lead to another bigger bet to recover my losses. Naturally by the law of averages every now and again I would 'do my boIIocks' and a large row of losing bets could see me £100s down and my whole monthly budget down the dumper.


How did I stop? Two things worked for me:

First I really thought long and hard about the mathematics involved. Everyone probably knows that with numbers betting obviously there's going to be a house edge. The problem comes from the 'random reward' structure of the bet meaning the gambler doesnt know whether the coming bet will win or lose. To combat this I changed the way I looked at numbers betting into the long run scenario setting. In other words I forced my brain to understand that my roulette bets were automatically worth 2.7% less before I'd even hit 'spin'. This devalued the risk/reward ratio heavily to me and made the desire to bet fade. This example works even better with the Lottery. Only 50p of your £1 ticket goes towards the prize fund so every ticket you buy automatically devalues by around 50% the second you buy it. Think of that next time you feel like buying a ticket!

Second was what really clinched it for me. I beg anyone with a gambling problem to read through some of the most emotionally charged stories I've seen on the internet - those posted at gamblersanonymous.org.uk. So many stories of people who have lost absolutely everything and many many many lessons to be learnt. Put yourself in the shoes of some of these people and promise yourself that you will make that change before you end up one of them. Please set aside a few hours, click the link below and learn from others mistakes.

http://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/category/others-share-stories/2008-share-stories/


Good luck to us all....

james32_uk

After reading through my post above I feel the need to explain the first part of my message above for those of us who struggle with maths

Everyone knows that on average the 'house' will win a certain % of the total amount wagered. Roulette is an easy example to use where they pay 35/1 on a 1 in 37 chance thus the house edge is 37/36 or 2.7%. Therefore for every £100 wagered they will expect to profit by £2.70. This in itself did not make me want to stop playing as although I would expect a long term loss I would never know whether the next spin would be a win or lose.

BUT by taking a longer term view and saying that on average my £100 bet was worth only £97.30 and that I was effectively giving away cash with every spin it made me understand that EVERY spin was a losing me money in the long run.

I hope that has helped. Please feel free to ask me any questions or PM me if you wish to keep things confidential.

dack_2

@Ames
Ames you have been a real encouragement and help to me in my thread and I wish I had some words of wisdom for you here but sadly I don't.

It's easy as a new member to think that I'm the only one with troubles and all the help I receive is from people who have been there, done that, and now have everything sorted. Unfortunately it's not he case, and realising the plight you are in makes me appreciate your help even more.

I do hope you can get things sorted out for the best and will be thinking of you.

Dack

riquelme

for any would be gamblers playing roulette. here was my strategy that went belly up twice.

£5 black - lose
£10 black - lose
£20 black - lose
£40 black - lose
£80 black - lose
£160 black - lose
£320 black - lose

at this stage im thiking red has to come up soon, but when you analyse the above, i'd just wagered £320 to win £5 - crazy

£1000 black - lose
£2000 black - lose
£4000 black - lose

at this stage im in bits

can i echo what a poster has said above - the odds are in the bookies favour -

i expec ted red to come up, all you need is 1 losing run like this for everything to go wrong, and believe me it does and will

hope this helps someone

GeorgeUK

That was probably one of the reasons i didn't lose more money sooner - i started doing research and didn't gamble until i knew what the odds and variations were. There is no "value" in gambling in the long run so we should definately avoid all forms of it.

Riq - that martingale strategy of yours is from France and is the reason that casinos have limits on tables. Repetitions of the same colour 7 or 8 times in a row is not uncommon.

Unfortunately even knowing strategy, odds, value and bank management isn't going to help if you have a gambling problem. I had done all that but then played games that were pure chance and going for long odds.

With gambling, especially online, you don't notice what you are gambling with. If someone said i'll bet your computer on the toss of a coin, you'd say they were mad, but it's as easy as clicking the mouse to do so. We need to rediscover what our money is worth so that hopefully we'll think about it in actual consumer terms before risking it.

Those who have a problem with gambling are risking their future and possibly that of their family. That's not worth gambling with for any odds.

biglad

I was there and as you can see from my sig it wont be happening again

if im honest prob spent £5k on gambling which also made me miserable, i wouldnt go out with anyone incase i missed a bet, all i could think about was my next gamble

i love sports but started losing interest in my passions such as football and tennis and only gambling on them. i done some really bad things and werent till last year i realised i had a problem, nearly lost everything and it wasnt nice
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times were hard for a few months after but then got better and thanks to loving girlfriend and mates at work got through it

it is evil and prob the worst addiction anyone can have, cos it can be hidden and it effects you mentally, there are no physical signs

it nearly wrecked my life and so glad its out of my life now, as my addictions now are my lovely gitlfriend and my football team which are healthy

online gambling is the worst cos its not like real money, its just figures, and society makes it too easy to gamble, whenever i watch sports there is always gambling adds, its not good.

my problem was i could win a lot on tennis and poker, then blow it all on random things i new nothing about like ice hockey, american football even bowls i think.

now i can watch sports and enjoy the game and cheer on favourite players, instead of wishing things to happen for a bet

Ames

Thanks guys. We talked when he got in last night. He pointed out that he'd posted some ebay items for me yesterday and so me buying the food was just paying him back for that. Wish he'd mentioned it when he did it though to stop me stewing all night. He said he hasn't felt tempted to gamble from my account again and if he does he'll leave. Usually when that happens though it leaves me short for the bills so I need him to stay so I can pay them with his carer's allowance. So with the money I made on ebay last week I'm going to open another account as a slush fund in case that happens, so I can throw him out if I have to.

Whoever said does he have any other hobbies - yes, he plays trading card games. But that's a gamble too, as the packs of cards could contain one worth £100+. He does say the cards mean more to him than the gambling though.

Thanks for all the support guys.

trancebabe

Just been reading all your stories and want to ....

like Sunny, my (now ex) husband was a gambler, he loved the casinos and would be up there 7 nights a week. He too would empty our accounts without a thought for how we would pay our bills and leave me to mop up after him. He got a job that took him away from home and he stayed in a flat (which the company paid for - into his account) and I received a letter from the landlady saying that he hadn't ever paid him... so he was cheating her from money too!
He spent thousands in savings, at weekends he would wait til I went to be then take my cashpoint card from my bag and remove the top limit before midnight and wait til after midnight to make another top end withdrawal and then head off to the casino!

He'd be pumped up and brash when he won, but the next night it would all be lost again leaving him down and deflated.

He was sneaky, devious, selfish and angry (when i opened and had my salary paid into my own account, changed my PIN every week and said no to him asking for any money if he asked) because I needed to keep a roof over mine and my daughter's heads.

He once even told me that he'd lost £5000 in a card game and the people he owed knew where we lived and what car I drove, so if I didn't cough up the repayments... our lives were in danger (this was a lie - I learned later!!)

I left him! I'd had enough of living on my nerves (he had a couple of affairs into the mix too) and packed up my stuff and DD and went to a rented flat after borrowing the deposit from my Mum... and I didn't look back!

I loved him - but I hated him for what he was putting me through and took control of my life! He didn't see that he had a problem (the problem was mine apparently) and once I had severed his access to my salary it all got very nasty.

This was before internet banking and on line gambling and our DD tells me that he gambles online now. He has a new wife and i hope he respects her more than he did me. She has her own account and good for her!!

Good luck (to you all!!)