ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

GeorgeUK

Hi Buddiebabe

Thanks for posting.
It was certain things or feelings that set me off and of course it became a habit. I gambled because that's what i usually did.

You didn't gamble for a year and a half, so you know you can do it. If you can find what triggers you, you may be able to pre-empt those times when you may be vulnerable so you are more vigilant about not gambling.

Glad your BF is supporting you. It must be hard to understand if you haven't experienced it or something similar. Just remember the money is gone and you can't change that - focus on moving forward instead of looking back. Hopefully you make it. I fell off the wagon too but had gone into panic mode.

As others have said, it's easier to just take it one day at a time.

geranium72

Thanks all for these posts

I have definitely increased my debt by online gambling but I have now cancelled all bingo sites/online casinos etc and feel so mcuh better.

Buddiebabe - your post struck a chord as I would get into that - "don't care, what's another £100 " mood too.

It's frightening how easy it is to spend so much money online

Good luck to everyone

cantcope

Welcome to the new members on the board. I too gambled online for 14 months start to finish and ended up blowing approx 80k in all. That works out to nearly 6k a month. Scary stuff. And thats without the wins! some of my wins were up to 30k but they were only short term loans before i put it all back into poker, blackjack, bingo, fuities, roulette all online.

I dont know why i did it, other than i wanted to. I try not to analyse it too much as it stresses me out to the point i might want to do it again. For me the most i miss about it is the chat which is why i now post on boards like these.
It's definitely one day at a time for me as the thought of never betting again used to seem so unreachable. I broke out once, after 6 months of not betting and believe its because i got complacent that i could now control it. I couldnt and blew 2k in 20 minutes before i stopped.

Now i accept i have no control and life is so much better for it.
It took me a long time to fill my time with other things after spending every spare minute i had gambling. Now i dont know where i would fit it in!

The ads on tv, radio, magazines used to p me off but now i see them and just feel sorry for the people that could become addicted.

My friends and I are meeting up on Sunday to celebrate my 2 years off which is really nice that they actually remembered without any prompting from me! Support is invaluable.

Hope everyone is strong today xx

buddiebabe

Thanks for the words of support.

Its been really strange i can stop myself spending money on things i need or want like new shoes for work but i would come home and spend up to £1000 on nothing!! I've needed a new fence for my garden for about 3 years now and i could never afford it. If i hadn't gambled i could have had a gold plated fence by now. I know that the money is gone and there is no way to get it back and the thought of gambling scares me so much that i dont want to do it or even think about it.

Most of my friends know about what i've done and my family too im lucky that i have the people i do to support me.

Last night i went onto quidco to see what offers i could take up to make a bit of money so i registered for the dvd trial. I told my boyfriend that i'd been looking at stuff on the internet and his first response was i thought u weren't going to do that anymore (he thought i'd been gambling) I don't blame him for thinking like that i just need to let him see i can do this!

Im not going to gamble today
Buddiebabe x

riquelme

hello to the new posters and good luck to you all.
our partners may not ever know what its like to have this problem but it helps and is reassuring to know that they are there for us and willing us on. my OH has stuck by me but im not 100% that she is fully supporting me, she hates what ive done and probably hates me for it but decided to stick by me. i dont think i will get any praise for saying things like "i wanted a bet today but didnt"

geranium- its scary to think that you can blow £1000's in minutes, which is what i did also, if it was real money then no way would i have done it

buddie - my OH is wary of my surfing habits and is constantly looking to see what im doing (fair enough) have you though about gamblock or new life (free) both are programs to stop you accessing gambling sites and also to give your OH peace of mind


cantcope - thats brilliant news, well done, so pleased for you keep up the good work

george - keep strong my friend - remember life is so much better without gambling

best wishes everyone

frankfish

Hi All

I have not read every post, but the ones I have seen tell a similar story to mine.

What I can say is that a year ago I went to my first GA meeting, which was the best thing that happened to me. I can not stress enough the support the fellowship gave me and I would urge anybody to attend if they think they have problems.

A year down the line, I have not gambled, I am focussed on paying of my debts and I feel I have a better outlook on life.

Just for today I will not gamble

TotallyBroke

Congratulations to you all for not gambling today or yesterday. Days ago, last week, last month or years ago. Congratulations.

I'm doing ok. No money has come out of my bank account due to OH gambling. He has no money but tough.

BUT... Christmas is coming and I'm scared, I'm scared that it could all go so wrong. Still it's one day at a time for me also. It's one day closer until the trust is back 100%.

OH has not been to GA for a couple of weeks now. We had visitors one week and the following I had to work late. By the time I got home he would not have got there in time. He has been told he will be there this Tuesday without fail.

Congratulations again to you all. x

lifeiswar

Hi, thanks for all the help & advice.. sorry for the late reply. I've managed to stop gambling but finding it really hard. The consequences of the gambling are hitting me hard, my planned overdraft is due to end in 2 weeks and I've got a £200 charge for going over my planned overdraft limit. It all seems like a nightmare.. and the loan repayments start at the end of November. It's real hard because I'm thinking my only way out is to gamble. On top of that I worry I may have an addictive personality because I used to do other things in an addictive manner and thinking back gambling came in when the other stopped.

GeorgeUK

Hi Lifeiswar

Are you getting any help or support for the gambling?
I you still haven't had a chance to deal with the financial aspect, you need to concentrate of this - so that once you have a strategy on how to move forward with the debt, you will at least know if you are making any progress.

I suggest you start a new thread and post up a statement of affairs (SOA). This will detail your income, expenditure and debts. Then i strongly recommend contacting one of the free debt charities such as CCCS to discuss all your debts and what your options are.

Gambling is not going to do you any favours - you need to focus on what you can do and work towards pulling yourself out of this hole. It could be a long hard struggle, but with the correct guidance all money problems have a solution. You may not like the solution much, but there will be one. You just need to take that first step and then the others should be easier to make. You need to take back control and get organised - i realise it can be very frightening to do, but once you start you'll feel better for making the effort.

https://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

(Taken from Fermi's signature)

Professional, free and impartial advice on debt problems can be obtained from several charitable and 'not for profit' organisations. They never make a penny from the advice they give, which means it will be given with only your best interests at heart. You can contact:

Your local CAB Office and ask to speak to a 'money advisor'
The Consumer Credit Counselling Service (CCCS) - Tel: 0800 138 1111
National Debtline - Tel: 0808 808 4000
Payplan - Tel: 0800 917 7823

riquelme

lifeiswar

please please please listen to george, i was in exactly the same situation 2 months back and listened to that advice.

gambling wont bring your money back or get you out of the hole youve got yourself into it will make things worse. you need to deal with your debts, like george said "have a plan" this is great advice, things will look a lot better .

just for today, i will not gamble