ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

cantcope

Hi Ames. PLease please dont give him YOUR money. Why should you? When has he ever given you any of his?? Why should he have a holiday with your study money? maybe by missing out he'll learn a lesson about what gambling does.

He should have thought about the holiday when he was gambling his own money away. This is not your responsibility.

Be strong xx

Ames

I'm still being strong and saying no.

cantcope

good for you. i think he has a cheek to even ask for it.

Ames

Just after I posted last night he said 'so you're giving me the money yeah' er, no. I'm just worried that if I say no he'll take it anyway, I'm keeping my card with me at all times but I might order a new one so that there isn't one for the few days he's got to book it in.

riquelme

my OH manages all the cards now, all my money goes into her account, minus the debt management plan money.

this means that i can no longer waste money and i have to account for virtually everything i spend. seems a bit harsh i know but if that gets her trust back then great. ive actually been spending less so thats a good thing. this hasnt stopped me enjoying myself though. i went to London for a night out with some mates 2 weeks back. the difference is that was our money. i wouldnt have entertained asking her for her money so that I could enjoy myself to the detriment of her. if i did then she would think i was taking the mick.

sounds like hes ate his cake and wants to eat some more (yours)

TotallyBroke

Hi everyone I have something that is niggling me and although I think I know the truth I cannot be 100% sure because it could be that paranoia is over riding the trust. What would you all think?

OH spent a fortune on a mobile phone contract that he used but is in my name. It is therefore now cut off for that reason until the debt is paid off. Therefore whenever his 1st child's mother needed to get in touch she text me and he would reply on my phone.
I kicked OH out of the house in September and have agreed for him to come home this month with a few rules like he has to attend GA meetings. His wages are being paid into his bank account and then this Saturday we will be transfering everything into my account to pay bills and debts. Except maintenance for 1st child, last months which is late (because I wouldn't bail him out) and the money he will need to give at the end of this month. Plus the odd pounds and pence.
Now OH went to GA meeting on Tuesday and didn't come home until 1.25am. Apparantly one of the members invited them all back to his home because he was celebrating 30years of attending meetings.
I got a text message from 1st child's mum yesterday asking when the money was being put into her account. Then another came through saying she was sorry she didn't realise we had split up and she won't bother me again.
I rang him at work yesterday to ask what he had said to her for her to mention we had split up. We are back together after all.
He said he had told her this because he didn't want her keep pestering me for the money. She has since text me today saying that he is not sending any money at all. I explained that he would probably do it Saturday because banks are shut by the time he finishes work (8am-5.30pm). I spoke to him and asked if he had the money. He said she has got the wrong end of the stick and yes he has the money. She has now text me saying No she will be getting nothing as he has gambled it away.

I think he has not told me the full truth with regard to Tuesday. I think he gambled and has spent the maintenance money. I guess I will find out on Saturday when we go to the bank as I will want my money. We will then see if he is able to withdraw the maintenance money as well and pay that into a different bank.

Is paranoia setting in and over riding the trust or am I right to doubt and he has taken me for a ride again by telling lies and gambling.

Thanks sorry for the ramble

Ames

Ohh that's a horrible feeling isn't it. It's happened many times to me on a much smaller scale - bf is supposed to put money in my account to cover bills and when I go to the bank it's not there.

For my part I always worry that's it's gambling, even when it's not. He should understand if it's not gambling that you're bound to think of that first.

Is there any way you can check the balance before Saturday, go to a cash point or online banking? It's really not fair for you to have to worry about this for another two days.

riquelme

TB - thats a tough one, only time will tell really. to put your mind at rest one way or another check your account before saturday. you will know wahts what then and know if hes been lying to you.

you are right to be suspicious, my OH is, when im a bit down, she asks me if im gambling again, its only natural that you and she thinks like that

as for staying out late, he may well have gone back to someones house to celebrate 30 years, but as my OH says its easy to make a phone call to let you know what hes doing.

think about yourself when you make decisions, whats going to be right for you in the long run. another breach of trust is going to be tough for you to deal

but remember we are all here, whinge and moan as much as you like
xx

TotallyBroke

Unfortunately it's his account not mine to check. We could no longer have his wages paid into my account as his new job pays by cheque so we had to open an account for him.
So all I can do is take him to the bank so he can hand his card and passport over and ask them to transfer £xx from his account and into mine. Then he will need to withdraw the maintenance money to put into 1st child's account.
Due to having his phone cut off and having no money he wouldn't be able to ring me and I would go mad if he reversed the charges I'm sick of him running up more debt lol.
He has been getting a lift there and I'm guessing that they left before he wanted to. I'll guess then that he had to withdraw money to catch the bus and stopped to have a gamble, realised what he had done and probably panicked and tried to play catch up which is how the 2months maintenance money has gone.
I just pray he has not touched the living and debt money. If he has then home I go alone and that will be that.
Of course I could be totally wrong and if I am I will apologise on here.

cantcope

You have every right to be suspicious. Dont feel bad about it. After all, you are trying to support him. I hope he hasnt gambled it but if he has, stay strong and dont let him back.

thinking of you xx