ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

tomstickland

I've just a look back in this thread. One thing I've noticed is a few posters talking about feeling grouchy, frustrated and bored at certain times. One thing is for certain - you've got to exercise. If I'm in a bad mood, or feeling low, I go and do some exercise. Even a 30 minute walk round the local area makes me feel a lot better. It's because exercise release endorphins which make you feel better. It also straightens out your thoughts.

Doing housework does the trick too.

GeorgeUK

Hi TB - hope it's not going to be bad news.
I fell off the wagon because i didn't see that any temptation was too much for me - then tried to win back, then panic etc.

How has his mood been lately? Have you noticed anything different? If he had gambled, i would have hoped he'd have been able to tell you about it. If he doesn't seem concerned about it then hopefully he's got everything under control.

Here's hoping.

Tom - thanks for that post. I don't excercise or do housework and i'm a miserable sod. Maybe there's hope for me

TotallyBroke

Morning,

I rang him while he was at work and asked him outright if he had gambled on Tuesday. He replied "Yes". I then asked the one question that I needed to know. "Do I still have my money" He replied "Yes" and the tone in his voice changed as he did. So I think I believe him. So the only thing he has gambled is the two months maintenance money.

Now this is totally unfair as his 1st child should have the money and I am angry that he has gambled it. But I'm also relieved that it doesn't affect me. I feel so horrible and selfish for feeling this way but I also feel I have to put my son and me first.

My fingers are crossed for tomorrow in the hope that he didn't lie to me twice.
I remained very calm and just asked why? He couldn't say. I asked if he had lied about everything about Tuesday. He said no he had gone back to the house but then went to the pub. I have asked him not to lie to me.

GeorgeUK

Hope it works out TB. He needs to be able to avoid situation where he will be tempted to gamble - just outright avoidance until he gets some kind of control. After a while he will not notice all the fruit machines etc quite so much and will be able to go back to places that have them.

riquelme

tough going TB. im afraid lies are what people with addictions are good at doing until they are serious about stopping then the only way forward is to lay your cards on the table and be truthful.

willpower is one thing, not everyone has it.
GA may help
taking away the ability to do could be the way forward. and that means no money for him (only what he needs £10 petrol), no access to cards, getting banned from bookmakers

it could mean no quick drink after work, taking lunch to work instead of buying it

i really hope you dont get bad news tommorrow,

as for feeling selfish - non of this is your fault, dont blame yourself. whos been selfish ? him. who hasnt tought about the family? him.

remember we're always here for you

TotallyBroke

Thanks you are both right. I think it will be sit down time and work out how we can stop this. I just don't want to be his Mum and have another child in the house. I want him to discipline himself. But if I have to take his bank card then I will.
The other bloody annoying thing is that he did this on the same night that he went to GA. With a young son I can't take him there and pick him up it doesn't start until 8pm and doesn't finish until 10pm. The first week I did take him and got family to babysit, but boy was I bored sat in a car for 2hours.
I read every free paper that was dotted around in shop doorways. (Do you know that even the antipideans (sp) have problems the same as us. lol

riquelme

TB - you are spot on unless he deals with it himself he wont change

my wife helped me out when it went belly, guess what happened 5 years later? same thing same amount of debt yet again

ive dealt with this all by myself, she refuses to do it. its helping me, finally im taking responsibility for my life, debts and family.

GA isnt for everyone, some guy goes on about being reborn and religious stuff which turns me off, i nearly walked out the 1st week. then i got to know the other lads and they are just like me and are pretty sound, i get a lot out of talking to them. it shouldnt be tokenistic or else he wont get anything from it

best wishes

cantcope

Hi TB, been thinking about you today. I hope you've had good news and you got your money. Is he really going to GA? I know you dont want to be his mum but i know a few guys from my meeting came for 2 weeks when their wives were bringing them and going into the Gamanon meeting then as soon as the women stopped the men stopped going. One of the wives turned up after a month to surprise her OH on doing a month and was devastated when he wasnt there. She found his car outside the casino.

Ga will only ever work if the person really wants to stop. It will always work for someone who puts as much effort into it as they did with their gambling. Otherwise its a waste of time. Most meetings have what they call an "open meeting" every now and again where partners/friends/family are welcome. If you can i would advise going to one with your OH. Most people find them very helpful to know a bit more about it.

My group isnt religous at all, far from it actually (very colourful language and crude jokes) so please dont be put off. The other members are "my boys" as i am usually the lone female in the group. That put me off more than anything else but i REALLY wanted to stop.

Anyway, waffling now.

Fingers crossed for you at the cashpoint xxx

TotallyBroke

Thanks everyone.

I got my money so am happy for the time being. I was stood at the counter with him and one of the security questions they asked was "When was the last time you used the ATM and how much did you withdraw?"
Well he got that wrong.. He obviously couldn't remember which order he had withdrawn the money lol.
They showed him his balance but I couldn't see the screen so i don't know what he has in there.

I am tempted to turn up it's just arranging childcare. That first time I took him I did walk around the area looking in through the windows of all the pubs in case he was there. But I didn't stray too far because I didn't know how long the meeting would take.

I'll try and get in touch with the group and see if they hold any open meetings. Thanks for that.

cantcope

You're welcome. Might seem strange coming from a compulsive gambler but at least we can tell you what we could be likely to do. Something your OH wouldnt necessarily tell you.