ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

moneymare

riquelme wrote: »

had to get this off my chest

the past few months have been a bit tough for me (although i know others have it worse)

basically ive retired from playing football, something that ive been doing for the past 24 years every saturday. and i loved it. my OH hated me doing it as it took me away from her but never once did she put anything in my way. finally it was my decsion at 39 to call it a day.

since then over the past few months my gambling grew from simply a weekend fixed odds coupon to gambbling ridiculous amounts of money on line and losing it.

1st of all i think there could be a link between both but the fall out of all this is that i no longer gamble at all (good) and still have family (even better), now this may sound selfish, i find myself very frustrated especially at weekends , a couple of times we have been shopping (i flippin hate shopping) and see myself turning into something that i never thought i would with little opportunity to de stress. the past week i have been grumpy beyond belief and it has affected the family as we have turned into a grumpy family being grumpy and falling out with each other

now i have 2 issues with this
1. am i selfish person? the same selfish person that ultimately put his family at risk through gambling!
2. although i spend loads of times with the kids are they picking up my bad habits


theres more

ive been very critical of my parents recently and the way they brought me up...i will stop there im just typing stuff thats in my head a lot..

please ignore this post , i just had to type stuff

What about watching football - whether it be a league, or even more MSE, a non-league club - its a good way to vent your spleen. I certainly enjoy it more than shopping

riquelme

yeah, i do watch it - local league club, and went to watch local non league side sarurday with the youngest doesnt beat being in a dressing room, kicking a ball, kicking other people - getting rid of aggression and frustration -

im just having a bad week........ ignore me

TotallyBroke

Have you thought about asking the local kids team if you could help out and maybe coach. Or maybe do a bit of refereeing for one of the local teams.

I agree that there could be a link. You gave up football became bored and gambled. Now you have to break the boredom again.
If your OH is not too keen on the football as a family day out why not enquire about a local driving range. I'm absolutely crap at golf but my friends kids think it's great as they never come last that's always me. Your OH could vent some anger this way also. A bucket of balls at the local range doesn't cost much and we take it in turns.

The only time I would say you were selfish was if you gambled again. I would see it then that you put your needs before your family. The kids will only pick up your bad habits if you show them.
I think you need to find a hobby that you could all enjoy. But as a family I think you should do it and then debate what you liked/disliked about it. Don't let anyone say the word NO before actually doing it. Ohh just thought of another one that you could all do, Martial arts.

As for your parents.... OH and I went to Marriage counselling a while back and my family was brought up. I learnt to try and understand their parenting skills from their point and the lessons they had learnt from there own parents. Sometimes it's best to accept what happened but put in place actions to stop us from doing the same or doing worse by behaving in the opposite way. Concentrate on balancing your own family life and the life of your children. That's all that matters now x

GeorgeUK

Riq - it's actually quite a common problem. You should mention this at the next GA meeting.

I've become lazy over the years and do hardly any excercise so i'm not affected in quite the same way. For a long time you were occupying your time with the football, but when you stopped, you filled that with gambling. Now that the gambling's gone, you're filling your time by being with your family which is great, but you aren't able to get rid of your frustrations like you used to when you were playing football.

I think getting excercise and burning off the extra energy is one of the things i will need to do too. You need somewhere to focus your frustrations but without that right now, it seems to be affecting your family. I think this is just one of the side effects of the gambling. Have you tried taking the kids on a cycling trip or something? I think it is more the lack of activity that could be the problem here mate. Worth considering.

TotallyBroke

As I said to you in my previous post to you. I do understand what you are saying. BUT I don't have a gambling problem.
Yes I believe you when you say people are managing to do it but again they do not have gambling problems.

My OH does have a gambling problem and at the moment has put ME in £5000 worth of debt.
He could look at that sub forum and make money but the second he even clicks into that sub forum will be the second he loses his fiance, home and respect from his family. The only thing he will not totally lose is his son but only having limited access will be what that little bit of reading will do to him.

My OH will have to completely stop gambling, help me repay all the debts associated with his gambling. Then, when he has gained my trust and become more responsible it can be his choice to either stop altogether or gamble responibly.

riquelme

dave - you may be honourable in your intentions but you are speaking to the wrong people. lets say i took your word on it and gave it a go and started winning and told my wife, she wouldnt throw her arms around me she would throw me out, the result being i would lose my family and if that happens i dread to think what would happen next, and those arent just idle words i was close to it a few months back

dave this is a thread for people that have had their bottoms bitten, and want to stop andf are looking for support and get support from people that have been through it and/ are going through it. please can you respect that and cease posting such stuff on here. we arent a rude bunch here and dont wish to be rude to anyone but please understand the ethos of the forum isnt to win money - thats over for most of us

daveknows

riquelme wrote: »

dave - you may be honourable in your intentions but you are speaking to the wrong people. lets say i took your word on it and gave it a go and started winning and told my wife, she wouldnt throw her arms around me she would throw me out, the result being i would lose my family and if that happens i dread to think what would happen next, and those arent just idle words i was close to it a few months back

dave this is a thread for people that have had their bottoms bitten, and want to stop andf are looking for support and get support from people that have been through it and/ are going through it. please can you respect that and cease posting such stuff on here. we arent a rude bunch here and dont wish to be rude to anyone but please understand the ethos of the forum isnt to win money - thats over for most of us

OK well good luck with that. I was only pointing out that the problem wasnt gambling itself the problem was losing money doing it. There are two ways to stop that, A) Stop gambling and Start winning.
This thread had everyone just assuming A was the only option i was just pointing out there is option B and all the tools to do that are actually freely available and promoted on this site.

Since my other post was deleted i obviously said something wrong but i would stand by the fact it was all true i dont think anyone would say otherwise. I had not fully appreciated the whole - losing family for even touching it in any form ever again angle, your obviously correct there. I wish everyone the best of luck in not losing any more money, however you chose to do that.

cantcope

Hi Dave,

your post was removed as although true, it is not relevant on this thread. This is for people with a compulsive addiction. WE CANNOT GAMBLE normally so pointing out things that we already know is not helpful. Do you think we havent tried to do what you've suggested? We have an illness and therefore no matter how hard we try we CANNOT stop when we are winning or losing. For us there is no option B.

The problem IS gambling. Once again, we cannot stop when we are winning and we cannot stop when we are losing therefore the only way to get our lives back is to stay away from it completely

Please don't keep pointing it out to us as if we are stupid. If we were stupid we would continue to gamble knowing that we will never win.

daveknows

Ok, sorry. I never said you are stupid though. I will drop it now. Sorry if thats how it came over i didnt mean that. Bye.

riquelme

salduck wrote: »

Hi Guys does anyone know if there is a way I can block gambling sites on my computer for free?? Only ones I can find seem to be very expensive! Alternatively Can i send a standard email to all online casinost o close my accounts and exclude me?? Any help appreciated!
Sal
x

salduck - i went to GA last night and the software you need to find is called new life. im trying to find it myself after googling it. its free apparantly. will post a link if/ when i find it