ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

GeorgeUK

Hi mimar

Glad you find parts of this thread helpful. Not really got much info on support for the effects of gambling but i think you should have a word with hubby and possibly attend some GA meetings with him. They may be able to offer support or advice for everyone involved.

As for having it sussed - we have a plan, a goal. We know what we need to do and what we hope to achieve. We need this to focus on so that we don't get distracted and fall back into old habits. I think communication is the key point though. If he is struggling he will need to know that he can talk to you about it so that with time gambling won't be such a problem and more of a bad memory.

Have you started your own thread here to see if we can assist with suggestions for saving or budgeting? I've recently started a diary (after i fell off the wagon) so that i can hopefully keep on track. Might be worth mentioning to your husband about the site so he can have a look around.

hope it all works out for you.
take care

Edit: Just had a read of your/hubby's other thread. The only reason i can make minimum payments right now is due to getting a 0% APR promotional offer adn min payment of £25 from 2nd month onwards (15 months). I'll post on the other thread but hopefully if he has kept things going this long, there's still some room for manouver.

riquelme

mimar - welcome to the thread, can i echho what george has said about having a plan, perhaps one day i will have it sussed and wont think about gambling again but im not there yet. its still fresh, i still want a bet on the footy at weekends, at times i think i can win the money back (but i know i cant reallY)

im lucky that my partner has stayed with me and so is your OH, i expected to be shown the door because its the 2nd time ive done it - betrayal, lies the effects it has on the family (because they dont deserve it)

im determined to do my best to pay off the debt and be able to live a normalish family life (holidays, days out, meal out occassionally) its going to be tough but ive got my priorities right now, i no longer want to be selfish, ive learnt a tough lesson you could say

my partner has hurt, i thought last night about her crying when i told her 6 weeks back, ive never heard her cry like that and that hurts me.

im trying to rebuild some trust and respect, its going to take time and im not sure i want her to trust me again because thats when it could easily happen again , ie. when im alone on the computer

george is right GA have open evenings where partners and family can go along (i havent been to one yet, not sure the OH would go) but the people that go speak highly of them.

when i 1st went i cried in front of grown men 2 weeks running, that was tough but last week i saw a 67 year cry in front of me because of the mess he is in (not looking for sympathy here) the point im trying make is that my journey has given me courage and strength from the people that i have met (including kind people on here georgeuk inc- cheers bud) and i find myself offerinmg words of support and advice to complete strangers, i get some comfort from GA and on here that there are people genuinley thinking about me when i was at my weakest.

hope your OH stays strong and best wishes to you

trancebabe

Hi Mimar,

I think you and your hubby are doing great!

The hardest thing for my ex was actually admitting that his gambling was out of control. He found it so hard that by the time he did see it - it was too late for us.

I know it's daunting now but it sounds like you're both making real positive steps to undo the mess that has been created.

Good luck to you - and keep us posted

(that goes for the rest of you too!)
:0)
x

cantcope

Hi Mimar, welcome to the thread.

Some GA meetings also have a meeting for partners/family called Gamanon.
If you look on the GA website it will show which meetings have this available.

It's purely for the non compulsive gamblers that are looking for help and advice on how to cope/help and support.

Your OH might not like what they tell you but its for his own good and in time he will come to understand that. The Gamanon have their own little book and from the people that use the one at the meeting i attend they seem much happier in the knowledge they aren't the only ones whose partners have done this and that they have the support too.

might be worth a look here: www.gamanon.org.uk unfortunately i cant view the page as it brings my gambling block up ?!!!! yet i can get onto the normal ga website... *confused* maybe they dont want me to know whats on there lol

salduck

Hi Guys does anyone know if there is a way I can block gambling sites on my computer for free?? Only ones I can find seem to be very expensive! Alternatively Can i send a standard email to all online casinost o close my accounts and exclude me?? Any help appreciated!
Sal
x

cantcope

You can call the online casinos and ban yourself. make sure you tell them its for life and not the standard 6 months. I used to use gamblock but now use a free parental control that blocks all gambling sites as an option. Obviously someone else chose the password and i dont know it. I use www.k9webprotection.com and can definitely recommend it rather than just baning yourself from the casino sites as there are new ones popping up all the time and if temptation grabs you then a ban on previous sites will be of little use.

If you can get someone to choose a password for you and make sure they just choose the gambling option.

riquelme

salduck wrote: »

Hi Guys does anyone know if there is a way I can block gambling sites on my computer for free?? Only ones I can find seem to be very expensive! Alternatively Can i send a standard email to all online casinost o close my accounts and exclude me?? Any help appreciated!
Sal
x

Hi and welcome, yes there is one that im aware of but forget the name, i will contact some people that go to GA and let you know tommorrow

cantcope

www.gamblock.com is good costs approx £30 a year. Very cheap compared to what gambling would cost.

mimar

First of all, thanks to everyone who replied to my post, it really meant a lot to know we're not alone. Compulsive gambling isn't the kind of thing you talk to anyone about, no-one can possibly understand the compulsion to bet even when you keep on losing because it is just so MAD and ILLOGICAL.
I think drug addiction or alcoholism is easier to understand - at least then you are putting a chemical in your body that causes a physical addiction. Gambling ain't like that, it is just a mad, compulsive miserable world you live in while trying to live the rest of your life at the same time.
My OH always finds weekends the hardest - I work on Sunday evenings and he gets bored and spends the evening on the laptop, or used to. He also said he can't watch football without automatically calculating bets in his head, which takes all the enjoyment out of it. I think he's just got to keep a grip and it will slowly get easier. When I was working he tried to keep himself really busy doing chores and didn't even turnthe compute ron. And Icam ehome to a nice clean house. Did anyone else have any strategies for coping with a weekend full of sport and betting opportunities?

cantcope

I tried to find other things to do. I took up netball again after years of not playing, made time to visit family i had lost touch with, offered to babysit etc.
Your OH needs to find something to fill the void. I spent so much time gambling suddenly i had nothing to do and that makes the mind wander.

How about while your at work at the weekend he goes and buys all the ingredients and cooks a lovely meal for the two of you, including dessert with the money he would have spent gambling? It will also give you time to talk and give him a sense of achievement? Might be a naff idea and might not suit your circumstances... but might be worth a try.

Does one of your nearby colleges run weekend part time courses? keeping a diary of how he feels might help him too, and you could keep one as well. It always makes you feel a bit better if you write things down. Thats why these forums are always packed!

i wish you both well and you will get continued support on these boards.