ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

bigloser

Hello everyone, I am delighted to announce that I am a full week 'clean' today! I know the mantra "Just for today, I will not gamble" is key to success for many people, but I can hand-on-heart say that I will NEVER gamble again in my life.

Well done Twirly and Georgie.

Madone, I'm twice your age but we've both been gambling for roughly the same amount of time. Very well done with putting the block on and with closing all your accounts. But PLEASE go to those bookies today while you're feeling strong and get yourself excluded. In fact ask their advice (or anyone who might know - I was on-line only so can't help) about how to get yourself excluded from EVERY bookie - us gamblers can be very determined when we get the urge! Personally, I had promised myself SOOOOO many times that I wouldn't gamble again, but whilever there was the option open to me I just could not stop. I was a victim of my own rash impulses - it was just a 30 second job to log into a casino and start gambling. Now that I have closed every single account (and I had accounts with every reputable bookie, plus a few dodgy ones) I simply can't do it impulsively.

So, how can I be so confident I won't gamble again? Well, a week ago I could see myself very close to the brink of real mental illness, and getting worse all the time. I would lose money I don't have and sit here literally slapping myself across the face, sobbing into the keyboard. Or I would win money and feel high and elated, then just keep pressing buttons waiting for an even bigger win, which always ended the same way (more face slapping and sobbing). I had reached the point where I wouldn't be able to hide it from my family any longer - I was becoming a nasty, foul-tempered person, working hard each day in a professional job, but with only debt and a bemused family to show for it.

Over the past week I have thought about gambling (it was a massive part of my life for so long), but I have genuinely not felt tempted to open a new account and start again. Now, when I picture myself sat gambling at an online casino, I see the pitiful, pathetic creature I had turned into and not in a million years am I going to be her again. I like the real me much better! I have my own mantra, which is "I am finally the person my family think I am". That really helps me, and might help you too.

I simply had to choose - I could either gamble, or I could be happy. I have chosen happiness. I hope you do too xx

cantcope

Hi BigLoser. Well done on your week great news.
Try not to think about never gambling again as it can become overwhelming after a month or so when the "high" of quitting dies down. I myself am guilty of becoming complacent now and again and have to remind myself why i dont gamble anymore. Keep up the great progress you are making. xx

Oh_Dear

Great good for you Bigloser!!

There is no need to pledge to people, they've heard it all before,.why will they believe you this time.

Its great you have such confidence and I dont doubt your sincerity. I think it impossible that I will get through my life without a bet, I know that from my own bitter experiences. What I do know for a fact is that I can get through today without a bet. And it dosn't matter what day it is I can always get through the day.

I am not saying that this is the case with you and I really hope that you will never gamble again.

As an extra precaution have you got any blocking software installed? K9 is very good and free for life, betfilter and gamblock charge after a free trial period.

Well done on having what sounds like a light bulb moment concerning your gambling.

Take care.

Geordie.

Madone13

Thanks for the replies everybody and like Oh Dear said, great post Big Loser - hope things are still going well. And thanks all for the advice, I've taken a look at the gamblingtherapy website and there seems to be some useful stuff on there but perhaps not as much as this thread!
I still need to ban myself from the local bookies - something I will do tomorrow on the way home from work.

It was gamble free weekend - but like I said I get paid on Wednesday, that's win the big test starts again.

One day at a time.

cantcope

Hi Madone. Is there anyone who could take control of your finances for you for a while? say give you just what you need for the day? It's amazing how little you actually need.

Most people at my meetings hand their cards and finances over to oh's or parents and just get "pocket money" if you like for what they need for they day/week. It seems to really help and lots of them then dont want it back as its just another form of ammunition. Just a thought.
Great news on the gamble free weekend. Dont put too much pressure on yourself. banning yourself from the bookies is fine but dont do it with money in your pocket or bank.

If you really want to bet you'll just find a different bookie x

Madone13

Hi Cantcope, thanks for the advice on getting someone to take control of my finances. I'm not sure how workable that would be and as you've said above if I really want to bet I'll find a different way of getting to my money. The issue I have is I'll always need to have cash on me at work in case I need to go for drinks after work or after football. (I know that you could construe this as an excuse but I see it as an important part of getting on at work and also as being an important part of my football team).

I have researched my nearest GA meeting and there is one quite close to me on Thursdays, if I attended would I have to speak or am I ok to turn up and listen?

Also right now I have a terrible urge to gamble, I feel that part of me thinks that I'll fail at trying to quit anyway so why bother. On the other hand I'm managing to not gamble on the grounds that If I do I'm back to square one. Do these compulsive urges die down with time or do you just have to get better with dealing with them?

cantcope

Hi madone. ask yourself this and answer honestly, using past experience..... if you gambled and won, would you walk away and not gamble again? if the answer is no then there's no point doing it in the first place because whatever you win they will get back anyway. liek a hamster on a wheel going nowhere. i cant remember the last time i felt like gambling but i've been off a while now.
You dont have to speak at a meeting although it is generally advised as there is an enormous feeling of release once you get everything off your chest. You wouldnt be forced though.
Remember, everyone in that room has been where you are, if they hadnt they wouldnt be in a GA room. I can barely remember my first few meetings i was so nervous, and the only woman! More women come now which is nice for me but i never gave up on giving up. If i put as much effort into not gambling as i did into getting money to gamble then i can't fail.

Remind yourself that you ccant stop when you're winning and you can't stop when you're losing so there is no point in gambling as you will never win. Just cause more pain and misery and debt. I had massive wins online but they were just short term loans as the bigger the win the bigger bets i placed,

I've got everything back that i lost through gambling. The only thing i can't get back is the time i wasted. Don't waste another second of your life.
Honestly, my life is so full now i dont know how i managed to spend so much time gambling!!

bigloser

Hello everyone, just popped on to say that yesterday was my second full week gamble-free!

I'm still confident that it's a rest-of-my-life thing. When I look back at my life over the past few months I was so unhappy. The days of me actually enjoying my gambling were long-gone; I was gambling simply because I had to. My body and brain could not stop, but that didn't mean I liked it. I did feel a thrill as I deposited my cash, and another high each time I 'won' (each win lasting about two minutes!) but every session ended with me crying and wanting to harm myself, and losing yet more sleep over my ever-increasing debt. Now that I have finally managed to break that cycle and see what I had become, there is NO WAY I am going back.....

But I absolutely respect the experiences of other users of this board, and if I find my resolve disappearing I will download K9 immediately, even if it risks my husband finding out.

Madone, I am worried for you because your payday was yesterday and, as far as I can see, you still had accounts open at bookies you pass every day. I hope you got through the day OK. Please let us know, I SO want you to experience the wonderful feeling I have today. I do feel that you need support of friends and family. I know that, if I had not hit absolute rock-bottom, I could not have given up without help. I know that because I tried, and failed, so many times before. Don't waste as much of your life as I did.

Strength to all xx

cantcope

Great post. Keep up the good work. It's so encouraging to hear how lovely your life is right now WITHOUT gambling

Madone, drop a line on here just to let us know how you are. either good or bad we are to support you x

Madone13

Hi Cantcope, things are going ok thanks - had a few urges but managed to resist them.Your post above about it being irrelevant whether I end up winning really hit home and has been a good source of strength for resisting any temptations, I feel that having been a week without a bet I'm a week in to giving up - which is instantly eradicated if I have a bet.

Bigloser, great post and thanks for looking out for me. Really glad things are going well for you, hope you stay strong over Christmas and that that warm feeling inside means you have a great one!

One day at a time!