ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

bigloser

Well, here I am again! On 5th March this year I posted on this thread about my wonderful lightbulb moment and how I would never gamble again. I'm now roughly £2000 poorer (spend my money well, Ladbrokes) but very much wiser.

On-line casinos were my weakness for several years. Compared to some, I haven't lost THAT much to casinos (probably about £4K) as I always kept to relatively low stakes; and of course sometimes I won. But it was £4K that I don't have, and the whole gambling scenario affected my relationship with money to the point that I was irrational about all my other spending too. Money just held no value to me, even though I went through the motions of shopping for bargains, switching to cheaper power suppliers etc etc. I just spent what I wanted, when I wanted - and allowed my husband and children to do the same. So, directly or indirectly, I hold gambling responsible for much of my £63K unsecured debt! Now that IS a lot of money to pay back at my age (52).

The mistake I made back in March was that I kept one gambling account open when I closed all the others. I thought it would be a safety-net, a 'respectable' site to use if I was desperate, to prevent me signing up to any dodgy sites if my urges became irresistible. That plan backfired because gradually I crept up to gambling there several times per day. Luckily for me (genuinely) I started to lose every single time I bet there. That led to a whole few weeks of stupid loss-chasing, with me being grumpy, tired and one prize cow to live with. I was either gambling or thinking about gambling permanently - even getting up secretly in the middle of the night to sign in to Laddies in the hope of winning my money back! Throughout it all, I kept seeing myself in a phrase that I have read many times on this forum, which is "can't stop if you're winning, can't stop if you're losing. Just can't stop". That phrase, coupled with being, underneath it all, quite intelligent and rational, actually brought me to my senses and I am now philosophically looking upon that last £2K as the best money I have ever spent.

On Wednesday I summoned my strength and closed the account. The weight that was lifted from my shoulders that moment was indescribable.

The last three days have been the happiest I have had in a long, long time. I feel free, liberated, energised. It's like I've been given a new start and I am absolutely 100% NOT going to mess this up. I have managed to keep my gambling a secret from my family all this time, but I lived in dread of them ever finding out. I worried about being injured or killed in an accident, and them seeing all the gambling transactions on my secret bank account!

I'm sure the long-term posters on this thread have heard this all before and will doubt my ability to succeed, and frankly I do not blame them! But I 100% guarantee that I will never gamble again. I feel so different this time to how I felt in March - I wasn't really ready to give up then, but now I am and I HAVE.

I will come back to this thread to give updates, but I promise that they will be updates of how much better life is for me now and how I am working hard at reducing my debts. Maybe one day, when I have proved myself 'clean' for a few months, other gamblers will even be able to read my story and take strength from it in the same was as they do from Can't Cope. I hope so.

A few words came into my head on Thursday which, if I ever need strength, I will keep repeating to myself - " I am finally the person my family think I am".

Strength to all xx

cantcope

Welcome back. Fantastic post. I hope people on here get a lot from it. I did as its where i dont want to be again. It doesnt matter how long since your last bet, one DAY is a massive achievement. My only advice to you now, and its up to you whether you take it or not is to put k9 on your computer, if hubby asks why tell him that you dont want to be tempted by all the offers. OR you could tell him the truth. I'm not in your relationship so can't judge. I'm lucky, my hubby never saw me when i was gambling and knows why i have the blocks on and also knows that one day i could spend all of his money. if he had any lol. He comes to my open meetings and has met some of the friends i have made through GA.
For me at the moment and more likely always it has to be like that. I dont want to risk anything screwing up the wonderful life i have with my husband and i know that if i gamble it would ruin it.

I am really glad you've come back, not because you've gambled, but because you have realised that it has to be all or nothing. you can't have just one account open. It doesnt work like that. Without K9 i would be pretty certain that i would have opened new accounts at some time over the last 5 years. I've had stressful times but had the support network to remind me that gambling would only make those times worse. Kicking the cigs was worse!

Oh Dear.... I've never heard of that sorry. Although i didnt once get a call from HSBC at 11pm on a sunday night threatening to take funds from my pension with them to pay off some of my flexi loan, i told them to go ahead at which point they said they weren't allowed

bigloser

Thanks for the reply and advice cantcope. I would prefer not to download K9 as I think it may make my husband suspicious. He doesn't suspect I've been gambling and it would break his heart if he found out. He's had enough to put up with from me over the last couple of years - irritability/sleeplessness/irrational anger - and there's only so much you can blame on menopause! However, I'm not going to get complacent and if ever I feel in danger of falling off the wagon I will install K9 in a heartbeat, even if it risks worrying him. I honestly don't think I will need it though; I've hit the depths, re-surfaced, and I'm never going back down there....

I'm having such a lovely day just doing normal things like putting up the Christmas tree, playing with the dog, tidying the house. I wouldn't have had time or energy for any of that a week ago!

Thanks again cantcope, you are an inspiration with your honesty and understanding xx

cantcope

You're welcome. I think you are playing a dangerous game but understand everyone is different. Life can be amazing wihthou gambling. I am as haappy as i make up my mind to be. Today I've ben married for 5 months. Hubby is on the floor wrapping Christmas gifts while i check on here and catch up on emails. Might be dark, grey and miserable outside but its beaming sunshine in my lounge

Oh_Dear

Well I can say that this year is the first since I left school that I have all my christmas presents taken care of, in previous years i have actually taken stuff back for refunds before christmas.

Life certainley is worth living without gambling in it.

Geordie. (I left school in 1982).

Madone13

Hello everyone, after posting a few times earlier this year I'm afraid to say I'm back and its not a success story. I managed to stay off gambling for a while but gradually it built up again and since the middle of the summer it has been really bad if I'm honest.

Today the 14 December 2011 is the last time I ever have a bet.

I can't count the number of times that I've said the sentence above. But I'm 26 and I feel as though I've wasted large parts of the last 8 years being miserable and putting relationships under strain cause of this evil. I'm terrified that if this continues I'll waste the rest of my life.

To stop myself Gambling in the future I have put a block on my computer - to which my best mate has the password and have closed all of the accounts I have available to me. Good start - the next thing I need to do is ban myself from the 2 bookies at the end of my road - could be pretty embarrassing but will help.

Right now I owe in the region of £8.7k but before I start to think about getting that paid back I need to think about my spending. As Bigloser has said on the previous page, when I'm gambling I don't care about spending money on other stuff as I think "Oh well, I'm going to Gamble it away anyway" and then I spend too much and gamble to try and get it back.

I'm due to be paid next week and have budget that having bought X-mas presents and paid bills and leaving enough money for January (Which will be a massive struggle) I can get this amount down to £8k.

From then on I am hoping to clear the remaining £8k in 2012 - this will be a major major ask but I've got to start somewhere.

Finally for the first couple of months at least I'm going to make a commitment to post here at least once a week.

twirly09

Just popping by, i am 33 days into my first serious attempt ever at recovery. My debts are lowering, my confidence is rising. I want to gamble.. its silly really. I fancy a bet but i dont want to be that person i was anymore. and the fact i dont wanna be that person anymore makes me not gamble if that makes sense.

Good luck everyone and stay strong xx

Oh_Dear

Hey Madone. Mate you need help with the gambling, I am yet to meet anybody who has quit this without any support. It is futile to even think about clearing your debts unless you can get the gambling under control..ie. stop it 100%. There will be a GA meeting within a few miles of you, its a big step you will find help and support. If the thought of a GA meeting is too daunting try taking a look at www.gamblingtherapy.org.uk or google Gamcare.

A bit of my story is above, I gambled to obscene lengths for nearly 30 years. Dont go down the same road as me, dont think you can sort this without help.

And well done Twirly, are you getting any support anywhere?

Take care.

Geordie.

Geordie.

cantcope

Welcome back Madone. Now you have the block on your pc can you find someone to take control of your money? if you dont have it you cant spend it in the bookies.

As someone has said above i truly believe GA or some support is for you. Even if GA just shows you where you could be in 20 years by meeting some people that have lost their families, homes, jobs, everything because they just couldnt stop. This evil thing will never let go of you, you have to admit defeat and move on or it will come back over and over again.

Come back and post regularly.

Twirly, keep up the good work, i fancy a bet now and again but they are fleeting thoughts that are speedily squashed xx

twirly09

Oh_Dear wrote: »

Hey Madone. Mate you need help with the gambling, I am yet to meet anybody who has quit this without any support. It is futile to even think about clearing your debts unless you can get the gambling under control..ie. stop it 100%. There will be a GA meeting within a few miles of you, its a big step you will find help and support. If the thought of a GA meeting is too daunting try taking a look at www.gamblingtherapy.org.uk or google Gamcare.

A bit of my story is above, I gambled to obscene lengths for nearly 30 years. Dont go down the same road as me, dont think you can sort this without help.

And well done Twirly, are you getting any support anywhere?

Take care.

Geordie.

Geordie.

Yes I pop on Gamcare every day. also a friend is helping me loads