ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

bigloser

Wow, gambledandlost, £700 is serious money.

Cantcope and Oh Dear are the real experts here, but I will share with you my personal experience as we have things in common (both professional females, old enough to know better!).

Like you, I don't have blocking software installed, though for different reasons. If you really can over-ride it (and Oh Dear's post suggests otherwise) then there are still other ways of helping yourself.

When I finally found the strength and willpower to give up gambling, I contacted every casino and bookie where I had an account (and that was a LOT!) and instructed them to exclude me indefinitely and close my account. I used Live Chat where possible and email where there was no Live Chat. Some people on here have reported that their accounts weren't closed promptly, or that they still got tempting emails, but personally I have had a 100% success rate. That's probably because all my accounts were at 'reputable' bookies - when I gambled I was aiming to win, so even at my lowest ebb I would never chuck my money into rogue outfits.

If you can't bring yourself to close your accounts, then you need to ask yourself why. And there can only be one reason - you intend to use them again. My mistake at first was to leave just one account open as a kind of safety net. A massive mistake, I lost a small fortune there before finally closing that one three weeks ago. It has to be all or nothing.

Yes, I suppose if I really wanted to I could open new accounts at different places, but that takes time, effort and 'intent' - I can't simply give in to an immediate urge. I can't decide to have 'just one more try for that big win' after a couple of glasses of wine.

But mostly, it is about really WANTING to stop. Restricting your financial access as you have done will reduce the amount you can gamble, but every time your salary is paid will have money available.

Good luck x

cantcope

Great posts guys hopefully you will take note Gambledandlost. The calendar by the bed will not stop you gambling. it might for a while as it is fresh in your mind but trust me, it wont stop you gambling. It will be jsut a little bet here and there and by next christmas your debt will be double at least.

You need to admit defeat and realise that people on here that don't gamble are offering you this advice freely and because it works. To me you seem intent to ignore it all and do it "your" way. Unfortuntely, "your" way doesnt work as proven since you posted a few months back and took offence at my "we need to grow up" comment.

I thought I was mature, grown and knew what i was doing. I have admitted to myself i was living in la la land. I was never going to win big because when i did, and i did, i jsut gambled because i wanted more, and more.......i just can't win.

Be good to see you come back and post again to let us know how you are doing.

I now believe i am maturing (slowly) while i sit watching my husband on the floor building lego (we have no children yet!!!) lolol

twirly09

Well im heading up to 50 days free (50 days on NYE) and i have been feeling a bit weak with myself the last few days, so i have installed K9. I know the passward (well it written down i dont know it) and my mum looks after it. Ive told her i'll need it if my computer breaks, but no other reason.

Looking forward to a gamble free 2012

cantcope

Nice one Twirly great that you recognised when you were feeling weak and daelt with it the right way.
x

twirly09

thank you . I have plenty of new years resolutions but to remain gamble free is the most important

gambledandlost

cantcope wrote: »

Great posts guys hopefully you will take note Gambledandlost. The calendar by the bed will not stop you gambling. it might for a while as it is fresh in your mind but trust me, it wont stop you gambling. It will be jsut a little bet here and there and by next christmas your debt will be double at least.

You need to admit defeat and realise that people on here that don't gamble are offering you this advice freely and because it works. To me you seem intent to ignore it all and do it "your" way. Unfortuntely, "your" way doesnt work as proven since you posted a few months back and took offence at my "we need to grow up" comment.

I thought I was mature, grown and knew what i was doing. I have admitted to myself i was living in la la land. I was never going to win big because when i did, and i did, i jsut gambled because i wanted more, and more.......i just can't win.

Be good to see you come back and post again to let us know how you are doing.

I now believe i am maturing (slowly) while i sit watching my husband on the floor building lego (we have no children yet!!!) lolol

Want to win big but realise I never will - check.
Contacted the sites I use to close all accounts - check
closed all means of finance except my day to day account - check
Fill all free time with hobbies to occupy myself - check
Got help from GP - check

What else would you like me to do?

I have no close family, dependants or responsibilites so the only reason I have to give up is for myself. I realised my silly, yet achievable wishes of visiting Australia, going to Nepal, owning a house are what matters. They are not going to be achieved by winning a jackpot, but by hard work and saving, just like most people do. I am 40 years old and have decided that by not gambling for 5 years, I can pay off my debts and have money left for some of those dreams. I dont expect it to happen overnight, so I have found a means of focusing on each day and month until they roll into months and years.
I know it is not going to be easy and I expect many 'what if' moments to face me, but in the past, despite all the help and advice from doctors, therapists and 'support' groups, I felt I only had 2 choices; give up and gamble, or give up and take an overdose.
I finally can see I have a 3rd option; remove all temptation (credit cards and overdrafts), turn off the PC and pay off my debts, then save, rather than chucking money at a company I will never benefit from.

I have woken up and have decided that one reason I started gambling is due to depression - I feel like by taking firm action, I am for once taking control and have a clear way through this.

Thanks for the 'support', but I would have had more supportive comments from a brick wall.

Oh_Dear

Gambledandlost, I dont subscribe to the "oh dear never mind, try harder its ok you have a problem" kind of support.

Its strikes me that you dont recognise that people here are trying to help you. Not people that have studied psychology or social workand are paraphrasing what they have read in some text book or other, but people that have lived their lives as seriousley addicted gamblers.

You posted a few weeks ago; "But I absolutely respect the experiences of other users of this board, and if I find my resolve disappearing I will download K9 immediately, even if it risks my husband finding out". Two days ago you posted; " I cant use gamblocks because I am a computer expert and can bypass them in a heartbeat"...

On Dec 22nd you wrote; "I'm still confident that it's a rest-of-my-life thing. When I look back at my life over the past few months I was so unhappy. The days of me actually enjoying my gambling were long-gone; I was gambling simply because I had to. My body and brain could not stop,"

Yet two days later you deposit £700 from a credit card.!!!!

I know its a hard addiction, 30 years I gambled and in that time I've been a barrage of contradictions just like you appear to be. I know it feels like you just cant stop. There are things that will help you. K9 is one. Gamblers anonymous is another. To stop being so defensive and arrogant and admit that you are powerless to overcome this problem on your own is another.

There is so much more to life than gambling

You want to win, but realise you never will. It's wrong...why do you want to win? In order to win you must gamble, if you still want to gamble you still have a problem.

I am really sorry that you, and many others have this awful addiction. I wish you well in your quest for recovery, if that is what you really do want.

I know what changed me after a long life of gambling misery, I'm just trying to share the benefits of my experience with you. But you go and get your constructive support from a brick wall. When you've hit rock bottom I'm sure we'll all still be here.

twirly09

Oh_Dear wrote: »

Gambledandlost, I dont subscribe to the "oh dear never mind, try harder its ok you have a problem" kind of support.

Its strikes me that you dont recognise that people here are trying to help you. Not people that have studied psychology or social workand are paraphrasing what they have read in some text book or other, but people that have lived their lives as seriousley addicted gamblers.

You posted a few weeks ago; "But I absolutely respect the experiences of other users of this board, and if I find my resolve disappearing I will download K9 immediately, even if it risks my husband finding out". Two days ago you posted; " I cant use gamblocks because I am a computer expert and can bypass them in a heartbeat"...

On Dec 22nd you wrote; "I'm still confident that it's a rest-of-my-life thing. When I look back at my life over the past few months I was so unhappy. The days of me actually enjoying my gambling were long-gone; I was gambling simply because I had to. My body and brain could not stop,"

Yet two days later you deposit £700 from a credit card.!!!!

I know its a hard addiction, 30 years I gambled and in that time I've been a barrage of contradictions just like you appear to be. I know it feels like you just cant stop. There are things that will help you. K9 is one. Gamblers anonymous is another. To stop being so defensive and arrogant and admit that you are powerless to overcome this problem on your own is another.

There is so much more to life than gambling

You want to win, but realise you never will. It's wrong...why do you want to win? In order to win you must gamble, if you still want to gamble you still have a problem.

I am really sorry that you, and many others have this awful addiction. I wish you well in your quest for recovery, if that is what you really do want.

I know what changed me after a long life of gambling misery, I'm just trying to share the benefits of my experience with you. But you go and get your constructive support from a brick wall. When you've hit rock bottom I'm sure we'll all still be here.

What a post (Y)! Thumbs up from me, ive been sat here trying to word my own reply and you've said everything i wanted too.

bigloser

Hi everyone, just had a catch-up on the recent posts. Twirly - really well done and congratulations on your success so far.

Oh Dear, I agree entirely with everything you said in your last post, but should point out that two of the quotes you attributed to Gambledandlost were actually from my posts, not hers -

'But I absolutely respect the experiences of other users of this board, and if I find my resolve disappearing I will download K9 immediately, even if it risks my husband finding out' and 'I'm still confident that it's a rest-of-my-life thing. When I look back at my life over the past few months I was so unhappy. The days of me actually enjoying my gambling were long-gone; I was gambling simply because I had to. My body and brain could not stop' were both written by me. Just thought I should say that before Gambledandlost does!

Today is three full weeks of not gambling for me, and it still IS a rest-of-my-life thing. My only external support is from this board. Reading about other people's successes here inspires me, and reading about other peoples struggles helps keep me from slipping back. But the main thing that keeps me clean is my own experiences. I think about my life when gambling and compare it with my life today and feel no urge whatsoever to gamble again. If I ever do get that urge, K9 will be my first step.

Maybe there are degrees of addiction, I don't know. Maybe I've found it easier than some because I was only doing it for a few years. But for whatever reason, I know I won't be gambling again. x

cantcope

gambledandlost wrote: »

I am 40 years old and have decided that by not gambling for 5 years, I can pay off my debts and have money left for some of those dreams.


Thanks for the 'support', but I would have had more supportive comments from a brick wall.

I only have one comment to give you after your rude post. It's about the top comment, by not gambling for 5 years. You need to NEVER gamble again. 5 years would be great, until you gamble again and lose it all. Good luck with that. We will be here for you when you are ready to admit defeat, long after the brick wall has crumbled on top of you.