Made a shocking discovery today... what would you do?

System

As others have said, request a copy of your own credit file. As I understand it, other people living at your address will be included on your credit file unless you have no financial relationship with them.

It would probably be best to wait until you see what info this shows up before tackling the subject with your husband.

If you can convincingly make out you found out about the debts by accident - "I was just checking my credit file and found this..." - it'd be better than the truth I think.

Your hubby may think he's being kind by not worrying you about the debt. If he's in charge of the finances, it may really dent his pride to admit to you that he's got into trouble with the money. Or maybe he's only got a £3k debt and doesn't see it as a problem whatsoever? Only one way to find out what he's really thinking.

Hope it all works out for you.

Dave

silvah_2

:hello:
Before I give you an update I'd just like to thank you all for your great - and very helpful - posts. It has really meant a lot to me while worrying about this.

So, here we go.
Interestingly, yesterday evening hubby came in and said "Are you alright? You look worried about something." - yikes! - the man has a very uncommon knack for judging how I'm feeling. I mentioned some work stuff (which I'm worried about anyway.) I wonder if he's read this forum and twigged? Anyhow he didn't say anything more about it (nor did I.)

But, a turnout for the books (literally) later on, was that he left an opened statement in the study. An credit card which I had no idea he had, with about £800 on it, at 0% interest, and the minimum balance paid. So that's a lot better than the other one but still - more debt, and I don't know if we have the savings to cover it. I wonder how many more he has that I don't know about...?

My father always said to me "Neither borrower nor lender be" (ooh I think I am an accidental poet there) but having been in business for a while, I know it's not that simple. Nevertheless my instinct is still that we should get rid of these debts RIGHT away, even if we do have savings - because you never know what can happen. Our income has been a bit choppy recently (both of us have had lots of changes in our work situations this year.)

Have got the results of my Experian credit check back, and no mention of hubby (doh.) Waiting for the Equifax PIN to arrive before I can check that one too. Thanks to Martin for his freebie tip! Otherwise it would have cost me £20.

Anyway, for some reason I just feel a lot better. I think it's a combination of support from you guys and seeing my OH be a bit more relaxed about his statements.

Will let you all know what happens next...

Karma67

Good luck with you CRA reorts...i really hope they come back with nothing 'scary' on them!

But I tend to agree with most of the other posters on here silvah, you must sit him down and talk about all this financial business, as you said in you initial post....you are married, a team/partnership....these things should be known to you and visa versa.

Like i said 'Good luck', and i look forward to your next update

Bonny40

Please confront him before the you end up with the CID going through your knicker drawer when they search your house! The police were able to tell me more about my husband of 7yrs than I knew. (They also mysteriously 'lost' £500 they took from his 'hidey hole'). He was a compulsive gambler and nobody knew except the girl he was working with who was in it with him receiving money by keeping her mouth shut. Done for fraud and only saved from prison as I was pregnant with my 2nd child. Try getting a job with a criminal record. He's still crap with money now-10 yrs later. I have taken over all the bills and learned a lot! I still have debts-but I am managing them. Good luck-don't put it off any longer. Let us know the outcome!

Thefunkygibbons

I would start over

Tell him that you think that there is something odd about have separate bank accounts and that you have had a conversion to being an old fashioned woman.

Get the money in one place and then you can agree a joint budget

Certainly there is no point him having debts and you have positive balances

Also, time you discovered the joy of ebay for selling some of the gadgets

silvah_2

Well, I've got both my credit reports back now, and no mention of hubby, other than that they know I am financially linked to him. Oh well, it was worth a try.

Interestingly, his credit card statement is still lying around in the study. And we agreed to talk about finances tonight, so, this is my perfect opportunity to try and broach the subject.

Wish me luck!!

calmspirit

Good luck Silvah..it sounds like thing are going in the right direction with the planned talk tonight .

hugs
xxx

skintchick

Good luck! Remember - don't get angry, he is probably scared about these debts and needs your love and support. Hope it goes well.

silvah_2

Yep - the thing is, I'd be a lot more angry if he refused to come clean with me, or appeared to but was really lying about the true picture, than if he opened up and said we had major scary debts. If he opened up I would be very relieved and happy, whether we have savings or not. Paying it all off together seems like an adventure, whereas going on like we have been really worries me because it could just get worse and worse. No bailiffs are gonna look through Silvah's knickers! (Erm that came out wrong.)

[Deleted User]

Try catching him when he is feeling in a good mood ( as you haven't been married that long I guess you can think of a few ways to put him in a better frame of mind !!) if it bugs you that much.
Myself, I would not worry so much about how much he owes,but why you want to know about it. Give the guy a break .It takes a long while to get a bloke to open up with something as personal as finances.There is that old saying about leading a horse to water is better than dragging him there, use the same principal with your husband.
Softly softly catchee monkee.
When I married my late husband over 40 years ago he was of the idea that it wasn't any of my buisness as long as I didn't go short.Which was fine when we both were earning ,but when the children came along things had to change.
By planting the idea into his head very tactfully that perhaps I could save him the time and trouble of handling the bill-paying, as he was such a busy and important chap that he shouldn't be bothered with the bills indoors, then I gradually won him over .After a couple of years he was very happy to let me pay and manage everything.
It was a mixture of soft soap,guile and downright cunning ,but it worked. I used the same principle when ever I wanted him to do anything ,be it decorating or gardening,I just casually remarked how well he had made the garden look, or what a smashing job he had made of the decorating the last time, a little bit of flannel goes an awful long way with chaps .He would then do the gardening,or decorating and afterwards would suddenly realise that I had got what I wanted done without nagging him.It worked for me, and when my two daughters married it has worked for them as well.
Give it a go you have nothing to lose.
P.S. I don't think I would tell him about sorting through the shedder though as I think he would probably hit the roof,I know i would.