This is the new me!!!

In_Search_Of_Me

umm..tricky. I think its really the children that need to come first and everything else after. Breaking up when you have children is hard whatever you do - of they stay with you then you'll effectively be a single parent with occasional breaks but if they go 50/50 it could be too much. What does he feel about them with you most of the time? Hard to discuss online and am cautious of being so public..pm on the way...As for coming on here moaning (your words not mine!) surely thats what mse is all about -helping each other with the rough as well as the good? I'm sure noone expects you to be all bright and shiny at such a difficult time so please put that thought out - we'll do what we can...just wish you lived close so I could deliver a hug in person...

Ches

Lurker here again. I think you must do the 'decent thing' for the children and being shipped from pillar to post is not the way forward. Yes its your 'duty' to see the children keep in touch with their father but not to the detriment of their mental health. Its right the house also should be kept for the children to give them stability and for your use as their main carer. I don't know of anyone who divides 50/50 when there are children involved and if you are being mentally blackmailed into thinking this is OK you need to toughen up. Sorry if that sounds harsh but this situation is not your fault and I think a solicitors opinion is urgently needed.

SarahNeedle1872

As a child of divorce myself, albeit a bit older (my sis and I were 10 and 7), it was much better for us that we lived with Mum in the main, but knew that we saw Dad every Sunday, all day. As we got older, it became stay over Sat into Sun. Mum knew our daily rountines better than Dad, plus she wasn't working, where as he was, and it just worked out better that way.
I think you should discuss again with OH and see what he says, he may have the same concerns as you, but neither wants to say for fear of upsetting the apple cart..... And as Ches said, solicitors advice would be a good idea, just to see what they suggest.
It is all definately easier on the kids if everything cvan stay on good terms - again experience tells me this! My Mum and Dad were very good at staying calm, but a friend of mine whos parents spilt up fought over everything, and she now has little time for either parent.

HTH, and best wishes for you - don't forget to look after yourself though!

Sarah x

jinky67

Sea I am pretty sure i have said this before

but the kids need stability...even if only in the short term....it will all be a big change for them and I feel they would be better being with you in the week and with OH at the weekends.
This is the way me and EX sorted it out with DS.
Especially as you have concerns about your OH.I think you would be nuts to swap week about.
Just my opinion hunny
xx

hypno06

Famous DFW hugs coming your way xxxxx

I think you know what I think.

Be strong x

Sea78

Hi

Thank you so much everyone for being so honest. I have thought really hard about this, and based both on how I feel sooo uneasy about the whole 50/50 and the fact that even the solictor said that in front of a judge, the judge would be unlikely to allow the moving about of such young chldren, I will have to go for 'full' custody, and their father have access. I know he is going to go nuts at this however. Wish me luck, eh?

Sea xxxxxxxxx

hypno06

Positive vibes coming right your way xx

taxi73

I think it's the most sensible option.Also he can't blame you as this is what the judge would order whether you wanted 50/50 or not.Hugs from here.xxx

Seaxwyn

Good luck Sea. If he's got the children's best interests at heart, he should listen to reason on this. If he hasn't, then he doesn't deserve to have you fretting about being 'decent'. Definitely the children's needs come before his on this.

In_Search_Of_Me

A judge will always rule for whats in the children's best interests - he has to under the children act! I dont think it will that hard to evidence that full custody, with you, is the way to go. Big hugs for you and keep us posted...