So frightened of the shame of it

Dorothy56

Thank you for all your help and support.

I will start a seperate thread to do with our income and expenses.

Hugs to all of you

december

I've not been around much lately and to be honest have very little to add as you've had a lot of great advice and support from the other posters. I just wanted to add that although it is so blooming (I would have inserted another word here ) hard to face up to your situation and to have that "lightbulb" moment, the feelings of shame and embarassment do fade over time. I wanted to hide in tthe house and never come out again but it gets easier. (I'm 10 weeks into the process) Rest assured that if you have a question, need advice or a rant the people on this board are brilliant and very supportive.

Take care
December

Dorothy56

Hi Everyone

Well today I tried to contact the local CAB, but could get no reply. So I rang the Debt Helpline. They were really friendly, last week they had sent me lots of information, but even they weren't sure how I should break down my income and our family expenses. They suggested I rang and spoke to the Official Receivers office at my local court. So I did and spoke to another friendly and helpful person. But they too couldn't let me know and said I should ring the Insolvency Service.

The Insolvency Service weren't absolutely sure, and did know that some OR's will try to ask you to agree to payments from your benefits. But they did say that if I refused then the OR wouldn't be able to take me to court as it would be very unlikely any court would agree to me making payments from benefits.

My last call was to the charity that I had my DMP with, wholly paid for out of my husband's income. I told them he had cancelled the direct debit to them and that I was planning to declare myself bankrupt. The man I spoke with said a judge might not allow me to go bankrupt as my husband has enough income to pay off my debts in a matter of four years or so! (I have personal debt of 89,000).

Surely this isn't right, that I am in terrible debt and my husband should be expected to pay it?

Yesterday I was beginning to feel quite positive and today I feel like crawling away under a stone. I haven't told my husband what he said, but it seems that until I try to declare myself bankrupt and see the OR I will not know what is going to happen, which is very worrying.

Sorry this isn't a more upbeat post. It just seems unbelievable that nobody can really let me know what to expect.

gettingbetter

Dorothy

hold your head high and let the rest get on with it

that is what i am trying to do

kas

Dorothy56

What has happened to you? Holding my head up is really difficult at the moment.

dalip

Dorothy


Your two threads are closely interlinked, in that until you post your income and expenditure per month we can not say what the OR will decide. They can not make you pay an IPA out of benefits, as these are discounted(but have to be put down)when looking at your i&e. The OR takes your husbands CONTRIBUTION to the houehold expenditure into consideration not his income. Post your i&e on your other thread and then maybe we can answer some of your questions. We need number in household,debts in your name only,any money you recieve(income or benefits)and a breakdown of your household expenditure.

We will get there in the end but with so little info to go on we can only offer support and not much advise.D

Dez-Titute

Morning Dalip,

Hope you are well,

I agree without further info I can't see how anymore help can be given than has already.

Cheers DEz

mickado

Dorothy

I also agree with dalip & dez-titute, we need more info?
We know its a stressful time for you but you need to be open & honest with your nearest and dearest if you are going to get the other side of BR, you need to tell your husband everything and not hide it from him, this sort of behavour got you in this mess in the first place.

Mickado

Dorothy56

Hi Mikado

Because of my situation I have been unable to post full details on the forum, but I have had private messges with Dalip, Debt Doctor and another lady, which has been brilliant. They have been able to offer me amzing support and guidance.

On Friday I spoke with the bankruptcy team at CCCS and then to the OR's office of the court where I will be submitting my bankruptcy.

The OR's office informed me they need to know all the income but due to shere it comes from and what it is for they will not be using it in their calculations towards any IPA. In fact they think it is unlikely they would take any. They also pointed out that I can make voluntary payments, but if I choose not to then they wouldn't be able to enforce it.

Feeling far more positive about it all now.

Since March, when I confessed all to my amazing husband, I have remained totally honest with him about all of this. He is my greatest supporter!

I also have arranged counselling with a gamcare, who have said they may well help to understand why I started gambling in the first place.

So all going much better than I ever expected.

Still having my down days, but I figure I wouldn't be normal if I didn't!

I won't be submitting my application for about 8 weeks, so I'm expecting a whole round of phone calls and letters to start again - oh joy.

No doubt as the time draws closer I will be desperately needing everyone's support again. My knees already shake at the thought of it. I will just be so pleased once it's done and I can start again without all the gut wrenching worry and guilt.

Would it be OK for me to also help people on here, when I am still going through it?

Dorothy :cool:

deedee_3

Lots of (((hugs))) Dorothy. You are doing so well and should be congratulated on having the courage to get your life backon track.

We are always here if you need any help or support.