So frightened of the shame of it

philnicandamy

Hmm think this'll be big enough........you shouldnt need a big box



I've come here a little late in the day which usually isnt like me....so i'll not repeat what everyone else has said apart from....stick around because you've got the BEST guys & gals here to support you anyway they can, everybody's here when you need us! please dont feel ashamed or a burden....we've all been there through one way or another so i along with many more people can understand how you feel...I had a supportive family thankfully BUT I did have a little speech ready to use if anyone else ever questioned why i'd gone bankrupt.....I never did use it...and now nearly 2yrs since I dont care!....people are far too busy worrying about their own lives to think about you & bankruptcy..

Phil x

jude47

Hi Dorothy and Welcome!

Everyone's already said it all, but I just wanted to add my support. The only thing I can add is to suggest (if you haven't already done so) that you seek some extra support from one of the debt advice charities - Philnicandamy has them all in his (her? Sorry!) signature. They can help you decide once and for all, make sure you've filled your forms in properly and are allowing enough to live on each week or month. CCCS filled the forms in for my brother and answered all his questions and concerns. He went BR last December and is now discharged. He says that although it was horrendous leading up to the court date, he really did leave the court feeling like a weight had been lifted. It took him years to pluck up the courage to tell me his situation, and although I was a bit shocked as I hadn't had a clue he had a gambling problem, once I got over that (took about a week if I'm honest) it was really just a case of supporting him emotionally as best I could.

He had terrific help and support from Gamcare, a charity helping those with a gambling problem. They're on 0845 6000 133 and are wonderful!

You will get through this, Dorothy - we're all here to help and cheer you on all the way, so make use of us!!


Love

Jude x

fiveyearplan

I don't have any valuable words of wisdom that haven't already been said, just welcome and it will get better. Please don't beat yourself up, there's nothing you can do about the past and it shows courage to look to the bright future!

Dorothy56

I have felt overwhelmed by all your kind messages, thank you.

It's made me think a lot. Do I care more what other people will say or more about sorting this all out so my family is eventually more financially secure?

No contest then, I have to just keep my chin up and get on with it, and if people have nothing else to talk about that is their problem, I can't make it my problem as I have had enough of my own to deal with!

Thank you so much for the pot of courage, that was great and really cheered me up.

I am going to make an appointment to see the Citizens Advice Bureau next week, to ask for their advice concerning our family income and expenditure.

I will keep you all posted of how it all goes.

Maybe one day I will be able to come on here and help other people.:cool:

tight_jock

Dorothy56 wrote: »

I have felt overwhelmed by all your kind messages, thank you.

It's made me think a lot. Do I care more what other people will say or more about sorting this all out so my family is eventually more financially secure?

No contest then, I have to just keep my chin up and get on with it, and if people have nothing else to talk about that is their problem, I can't make it my problem as I have had enough of my own to deal with!

Thank you so much for the pot of courage, that was great and really cheered me up.

I am going to make an appointment to see the Citizens Advice Bureau next week, to ask for their advice concerning our family income and expenditure.

I will keep you all posted of how it all goes.

Maybe one day I will be able to come on here and help other people.:cool:

Make sure you get an appointment with a money advisor. You may have to wait to see one in the current climate.
Alternatively you could phone one of the other agencies in my sig while you are waiting for an appointment.

Whatever happens, you have made the most difficult step by admitting that you have got into a bit of a pickle.
Best of luck
:beer:
TJ

fiveyearplan

Dorothy56 wrote: »

Maybe one day I will be able to come on here and help other people.:cool:

Of course you will. You'll get through this!;)

sodamnfunky

First off, dont feel ashamed, there really is nothing to be ashamed of, what you need to do, is exactly what you are about to do.
You sound liek your husband is supportive, and thankfully my GF (now wife) was very supportive when I went bankrupt, and stood by me, and helped me at every stage, which was even more amazing as she was only 19 when I went bankrupt (I was 32).

As for the rental situation, we rent and have lived in this house for 6 years, and I never told the landlord or agent what was happening, as it didnt affect the rent, and we were living close to the poverty line. In fact we had housing benefit, which wasnt covering all the rent.

Best of luck for the future, and trust me, you will come out the other end, and its actually not as bad as people think, in fact I wouldnt change what happened to me for the world, it made me who I am now.

maxmycardagain

shame attached to a personal insolvency would be fine IF fly-by-night directors of cut+run ltd companies felt the same, when they feel bad, so will I

I dare not risk going BR ever again, one of the directors of the ltd company who sucked me dry of £13,000 was on his FOURTH company liquidation, and wont stop there, yet has done nothing wron, still has his big house and shops and cars...

he resigned as a director TWO days before the company went belly up, thereby saving himself having to go to a creditors meeting.

thats "them"

this is "us"


1 rule for all? i dont think so....

Dez-Titute

Hi Max,,

All to true 1 rule for them and another for us.Unfortuately we don't have the benefit of hiding behind a Ltd or Ltd liability title maybe we should invent one and call it Limited Individual Person or LIP for short.


Cheers DEz

mickado

Dorothy56 wrote: »

I think the gambling came to about 25K. I haven't added it all up yet. I know I need to get out all the old statements and add it up.

The other thing is that I don't have a bank account in my name anymore. My husband opened one in his name only, which was a godsend in all honesty. Will the receiver want to see his bank statements as they show the rent being paid?

Sorry, so many questions.

A big thank you to all you strangers out there who are taking your time to help me. I really do appreciate it.

Dorothy

Hiya Dorothy

I would like to say that being BR isn't the end of the world, I was BR back in 2005:( , my BR only lasted one year and this will allow you to get back on your feet and start a fresh, the OR is not interested in your husbands BA as it was you who is BR but they will take into consideration his earnings and any of yours whether its work related or any benefits that you get even benefits for your children, you must ensure that your income and expenditure ( MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS RECORDED!!!! ) balance each other out, if you have any spare income the OR will require a percentage of it for your creditors, and depending on the size of the excess, he could extend the BR so that your creditors get maxium benefit from it.

Dorothy you haven't mentioned whether you seen the OR or not? but when you do, which sounds like you will be, don't be intimidated by him, he is only doing his job, but there's one thing that you must do, that is to get help with your gambling problem as gambling while BR is illegal.

I hope this small piece of info will help:T

Mickado