free xtra benefits???

moggylover

krisskross wrote: »

No empathy huh? If you say so. I did have a husband, still have for that matter, should I be apologising for the fact that he stuck around? We lived 200 miles away from any family, no help for us. Nothing lucky about how our lives turned out. We were a partnership and worked hard.

"Empathy" then, would be feeling sadness and sympathy for those that have not been so lucky - and yes, luck does come in to it - you could have "thought" you had found that wonderful partner and then got a terrible surprise. And no, I do not begrudge you that - I think it is lovely when people do manage to make it through the years and would NEVER wish the loss of that on anyone. Indeed, I hope you have many more years.

I can actually be as nasty as you lot.

We never would have guessed:D ! What do you think set us off?

My husband and father of our 4 children is still around supporting me with love and care. Our children love us. As do our grandchildren. My husband has never raised a hand to me in anger, always worked to help support us. Whether you lot think I am horrible really doesn't matter, I know what sort of life I have, with people who love me and a man who has loved and cherished me for the last 50 years.

Then think yourself lucky, give him a big hug - and just try to appeciate how much more difficult it might have been without him:eek: . Or how awful it might be to try to raise your kids with no-one to cherish you and a very low income and often many other problems that you do not appear to have experienced.

Go back and read my post! It did not say that I thought you should choke - I said that IF you begrudge benefits being paid to those that need them maybe you would, i.e. that IF you were hypocritical you might. It is your CHOICE to begrudge those benefits - but not your right.

krisskross

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

No you shouldn't apologise at all, of course not. But perhaps you should try and think how other people live and try to survive and who weren't/aren't as lucky as you before you pass judgement. Quite why you have thought it needed to tell us about little James' trust fund, his parents not needing his CB and that you go on cruises twice a year all in one night is beyond me. If you are looking for reassurance that you are no longer inferior then I will give it to you you aren't inferior I promise you that. But perhaps your comments make other people feel that way.

Doesn't every child have a trust fund? They are supposed to.James' parents could no doubt use the CB,everyone can always spend everything they have. They choose to save it for him. James has a stay at home parent, his father as it happens as his mother has better earning capacity. Perhaps it works out better if you are in a good financial position before you have children. They make as many sacrifices as any parents in order to give him a good life. I suppose the difference with them is that they were together for 20 years, married for 15 before they decided to have a child.

I know I am not inferior to anyone but as a child I thought I was because we were poor. I bet there are still loads of kids out there that feel like that as well. You can never know why a child feels inferior or a lesser person than his peers. Maybe he doesn't get invited to a party, maybe he doesn't have a playstation, maybe he wishes he knew his father. All sorts of reasons.

We all make our own choices in life and then have to stand by the consequences. I made good choices, chose a good man to father my children, chose to get qualifications to enable me to earn lots of money. I now reap the benefits, and that is not smug or sanctimonious, it is fact.

krisskross

Empathy by the way is nothing to do with sadness or sympathy. It is more being able to put yourself inside someone and understand how they feel.

moggylover

krisskross wrote: »

Doesn't every child have a trust fund? They are supposed to.James' parents could no doubt use the CB,everyone can always spend everything they have. They choose to save it for him. James has a stay at home parent, his father as it happens as his mother has better earning capacity. Perhaps it works out better if you are in a good financial position before you have children. They make as many sacrifices as any parents in order to give him a good life. I suppose the difference with them is that they were together for 20 years, married for 15 before they decided to have a child.

I know I am not inferior to anyone but as a child I thought I was because we were poor. I bet there are still loads of kids out there that feel like that as well. You can never know why a child feels inferior or a lesser person than his peers. Maybe he doesn't get invited to a party, maybe he doesn't have a playstation, maybe he wishes he knew his father. All sorts of reasons.

We all make our own choices in life and then have to stand by the consequences. I made good choices, chose a good man to father my children, chose to get qualifications to enable me to earn lots of money. I now reap the benefits, and that is not smug or sanctimonious, it is fact.

How in Gods name do you think most of us could afford a "trust fund"? What on Earth do you mean "they are supposed to".

I WAS better off by the time I had my sons. I owned my own home (me alone - not jointly - earned by hard work and determination and with a tiny mortgage even by the standards 10 years ago. I was 40 years old, and I thought I had a steady and loving relationship. I suffered sever post natal depression after my second son was born (they were born at 37 and 40 cos I waited, saved, earnt and provided a home - and the World collapsed around me - by the time I realised what was happening I was on my own with two kids, lots of health issues to cope with - and debts piling up because of the delay in the benefits system that says you have to wait 39 weeks (although I think it was 26 weeks then) before they will pay towards your mortgage. I fought my way out of all the debt and have paid off my mortgage - but still have health issues that I have not conquered.

My life history is not given because I want your pity - but to point out that it can happen to anyone! I was well educated, well employed and an over-achiever. The girl most likely to succeed! I had planned it all - and all that planning was worth nothing when the wheel of fate turned.

You are a very lucky woman. But perhaps you need to understand that life does not always work out as picture book perfect as yours - and that if you have no help or advice (or sympathy) to offer a poster on a benefits thread, then you would be better just leaving it to those that have and not making unkind comments to make them feel even worse than they do about themselves.

I am actually very proud of myself most of the time for what I originally achieved, and the fact that I have not given up since it all went pear shaped and just slit my wrists: although there have been many times when I wanted to.

If you do not wish to be offended - then do not consider it your right to offend others.

Goodnight.

moggylover

krisskross wrote: »

Empathy by the way is nothing to do with sadness or sympathy. It is more being able to put yourself inside someone and understand how they feel.

I am fully aware of this - but in so doing you would then feel sadness or sympathy or even pity, for them.

Stooping very low now are we not. I assure you my grasp of the English language will not let me down.

Graham_Devon

krisskross wrote: »

So where was I vile about anyone? Please point it out.


EDIT: Haven't you found anything yet?

Don't ask them to prove anything like that, your just setting yourself up for more insults and made up rubbish so they can all roll around laughing

You are supposed to justify everything you say with empathy and compassion. But by god, ask them to do the same and you are nasty, they don't have to and you are preaching

As for offending people, that seems to be a one way street, you can't offend them, thats bad, but they can gang up and offend you, thats fine

Loopy_Girl

Graham_Devon wrote: »

Don't ask them to prove anything like that, your just setting yourself up for more insults and made up rubbish so they can all roll around laughing

You are supposed to justify everything you say with empathy and compassion. But by god, ask them to do the same and you are nasty, they don't have to and you are preaching

As for offending people, that seems to be a one way street, you can't offend them, thats bad, but they can gang up and offend you, thats fine

Ganging up? Oh grow up for goodness sake. Am more than certain that KK can handle an adult discussion as doesn't need you sticking your oar in with unhelpful comments

Loopy_Girl

krisskross wrote: »

Doesn't every child have a trust fund? They are supposed to.

If you are talking about the Government Trust Funds that they invite you to claim £250.00 from them to start it up, then these weren't introduced until 2002 I think. Certainly my daughter was born in 2001 and she just missed out.

pipkin71

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

If you are talking about the Government Trust Funds that they invite you to claim £250.00 from them to start it up, then these weren't introduced until 2002 I think. Certainly my daughter was born in 2001 and she just missed out.

I thought she was Loopy Girl.

My DD's were also born before 2002, so it was down to me to sort out their trust fund.

I don't know how the government ones work, but when I set DDs ones up, the age the policy reaches maturity is 16. Only thing is, I don't want them to have it at age 16, because I think that's too young, but not sure I have a choice.

I can imagine it all being spent on wii and ds games, and sweets :eek:

Pipkin xxxx

cheap_charlie

Graham_Devon wrote: »

Don't ask them to prove anything like that, your just setting yourself up for more insults and made up rubbish so they can all roll around laughing

You are supposed to justify everything you say with empathy and compassion. But by god, ask them to do the same and you are nasty, they don't have to and you are preaching

As for offending people, that seems to be a one way street, you can't offend them, thats bad, but they can gang up and offend you, thats fine

It has nothing to do with that.

If you read the thread I quote below from Martin Lewis himself regarding this part of the forum, you may well see why some of us get annoyed at some of the more sanctimonious posts on this particular part of MSE

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=365935.


I don't begrudge someone having their opinion but the Money Saver Arms is the place to do it thanks.