free xtra benefits???

Elle00

pipkin71 wrote: »

Elle, if people need benefits, it doesn't make them any less a person than anyone else, even if others do try to constantly put them down.

You are doing a very good job raisng your son single handed, and your efforts will be thanked when he grows up and can appreciate everything you do.

Don't ever let anyone try to make you feel guilty for legally claiming the benefits you need.

Pipkin xxxx

Do you know something? I only ever feel bad when I read some of the posts on here.

On a day to day basis, I actually have quite a good life. I sit here some evenings and scour the site for MSE tips and deals. I stick my son in his buggy once a week to do the Avon round and I get loads of our things from boot sales and ebay. I think a lot of lone parents do the same and that's why we APPEAR to be doing fine financially. The truth is that we have to put in that bit more effort than those who have comfortable wages and that's why our money stretches further than it does for them.

My son has everything he could possibly need. Loads of toys, books, clothes etc. But what outsiders looking in wouldn't know is that I worked really hard to source this stuff within my financial capabilities. I trekked two miles in the rain pushing the buggy to collect two carrier bags of children's books a few weeks ago from a freecycler because it was that or I could afford one single new book for my son. I spent WEEKS watching the ebay listings to get him the toys I thought would be good for him within my price range. I spend hours going round car boots trying to find nice clothes in his size and mine.

I work hard to provide for my son, it's just in ways that some people who post on these boards will probably never understand.

I'm glad some of you do though it's a shame it has to be because you've all had similar experiences.

Loopy_Girl

Not in this thread but in previous.

And you are damn right I will pat myself on the back being a SAHM who is now a hard working Mum (yup, a hard working one who pays her taxes!)

I have been on both sides and can see the benefit of being both.

krisskross

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

You know right up until I read that post I thought that, whilst I disagreed with you strongly, at least you were having an adult debate about it.

Not any more. Quite frankly KK, you are as smug and sanctimonious as Mitchaa and don't try to see how any other person would need help to raise a family as 'you managed'. Big wows. YOU had a husband and probably other people helping out. See our generation is that you keep yourself to yourself and there is no community spirit anymore. I can see what it was like all those years ago...it's called empathy and I have that, something you sadly lack. Which is a shame.

No empathy huh? If you say so. I did have a husband, still have for that matter, should I be apologising for the fact that he stuck around? We lived 200 miles away from any family, no help for us. Nothing lucky about how our lives turned out. We were a partnership and worked hard.

I can actually be as nasty as you lot. My husband and father of our 4 children is still around supporting me with love and care. Our children love us. As do our grandchildren. My husband has never raised a hand to me in anger, always worked to help support us. Whether you lot think I am horrible really doesn't matter, I know what sort of life I have, with people who love me and a man who has loved and cherished me for the last 50 years.

Elle00

krisskross wrote: »

I don't begrudge you tax credits. Where did you get that idea? Tax credits are a sort of replacement for the additional tax allowance we got on the birth of a child. I admit I would like to see the tax free allowances back as that would mean that it was necessary to work to benefit.

I do consider that by keep patting yourselves on the back for being such wonderful stay at home parents you do a grave disservice to the millions of mothers out there working and doing the very best they can for their families.

Single Mothers in paid employment often get the same amount of benefits as those that aren't in paid employment because they're allowed to have extra for going out to work instead of staying home to work. This is particularly true where they claim full time childcare fees.

It makes no difference to me if you're a SAHM or a working one. If you qualify for benefits then that's because you NEED them and has nothing to do with whether you work outside the home or in it.

If you don't get benefits because you both work and have each other - try just being grateful someone gives a s*** about you and be glad you don't have to claim benefits and go to bed alone every night.

I love how you think that stay at home parents don't qualify as "working" during the day. Do you think we all sit around watching Jezza Kyle in our jammies until midday?

Loopy_Girl

Elle83 wrote: »

Do you know something? I only ever feel bad when I read some of the posts on here.

On a day to day basis, I actually have quite a good life. I sit here some evenings and scour the site for MSE tips and deals. I stick my son in his buggy once a week to do the Avon round and I get loads of our things from boot sales and ebay. I think a lot of lone parents do the same and that's why we APPEAR to be doing fine financially. The truth is that we have to put in that bit more effort than those who have comfortable wages and that's why our money stretches further than it does for them.

My son has everything he could possibly need. Loads of toys, books, clothes etc. But what outsiders looking in wouldn't know is that I worked really hard to source this stuff within my financial capabilities. I trekked two miles in the rain pushing the buggy to collect two carrier bags of children's books a few weeks ago from a freecycler because it was that or I could afford one single new book for my son. I spent WEEKS watching the ebay listings to get him the toys I thought would be good for him within my price range. I spend hours going round car boots trying to find nice clothes in his size and mine.

I work hard to provide for my son, it's just in ways that some people who post on these boards will probably never understand.

I'm glad some of you do though it's a shame it has to be because you've all had similar experiences.

Don't feel bad Elle. You don't need to justify your actions to anyone. Until people have been in some situations then I don't think they can comment, unfortunately some people just blunder in regardless as they think they do know.

I know what it's like. I've been there living off benefits as I didn't want to stick a tiny baby in a nursery when I was still breastfeeding and who only had one parent anyway. Now I may have more money as I am working but come 6pm some nights the drone of The Simpsons makes me nod off for 5 minutes as I am so knackered working and being a full time single parent!!!:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Loopy_Girl

krisskross wrote: »

No empathy huh? If you say so. I did have a husband, still have for that matter, should I be apologising for the fact that he stuck around? We lived 200 miles away from any family, no help for us. Nothing lucky about how our lives turned out. We were a partnership and worked hard.

I can actually be as nasty as you lot. My husband and father of our 4 children is still around supporting me with love and care. Our children love us. As do our grandchildren. My husband has never raised a hand to me in anger, always worked to help support us. Whether you lot think I am horrible really doesn't matter, I know what sort of life I have, with people who love me and a man who has loved and cherished me for the last 50 years.

No you shouldn't apologise at all, of course not. But perhaps you should try and think how other people live and try to survive and who weren't/aren't as lucky as you before you pass judgement. Quite why you have thought it needed to tell us about little James' trust fund, his parents not needing his CB and that you go on cruises twice a year all in one night is beyond me. If you are looking for reassurance that you are no longer inferior then I will give it to you you aren't inferior I promise you that. But perhaps your comments make other people feel that way.

Elle00

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Don't feel bad Elle. You don't need to justify your actions to anyone. Until people have been in some situations then I don't think they can comment, unfortunately some people just blunder in regardless as they think they do know.

I know what it's like. I've been there living off benefits as I didn't want to stick a tiny baby in a nursery when I was still breastfeeding and who only had one parent anyway. Now I may have more money as I am working but come 6pm some nights the drone of The Simpsons makes me nod off for 5 minutes as I am so knackered working and being a full time single parent!!!:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

I worked full time last year so I can really sympathise - I was ready to top myself after six months of it! The childminder was about as reliable as a paper garage. Every few days it'd be "can you come and get him, my son has hurt himself" or "my daughter's got a hospital appointment". My boss had steam coming out of her ears after a few months of it and I got nervous tic in one of my arms!! My son was treated a bit badly on several occassions too which I found very hard to deal with as he couldn't talk much at 20m old to explain any details. I only knew things were wrong by the other kids telling tales on the doorstep (like the time my son got beaten up by an older kid and the childminder lied and said he'd fallen over!). My GP signed me off in the end because I looked like some kind of cartoon character on acid.

I will happily find a job when little one starts school but until then, I'll stick with the Avon and that's the end of it. I never want to get into that state ever again.

I admire you for managing though! I think you last that bit longer into the evening when you're not in employment because of course you take more breaks when you need them during the day in the absence of a boss!

Loopy_Girl

I'm not trying to be nasty KK and I am aware that you are probably old enough to be my Grandmother and I was always brought up to speak properly to my elders.

I am merely hoping that you can see what it is like to raise a family these days and that this generation has different issues and problems just like generations before you.

Loopy_Girl

Elle83 wrote: »

I admire you for managing though! I think you last that bit longer into the evening when you're not in employment because of course you take more breaks when you need them during the day in the absence of a boss!

Ahh that'll be because you stay in your jammies all day and shush the baby so you can watch Jeremy Kyle though eh?!!!;) :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Elle00

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Ahh that'll be because you stay in your jammies all day and shush the baby so you can watch Jeremy Kyle though eh?!!!;) :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Lol! I miss the days of putting the baby down twice a day for his naps (and then sneaking off to bed myself for an hour or two - oh yes I did!!). He's at that age now where he has more energy all day long than I've got after three cans of red bull. I'm just so glad he's in a good playgroup for a few hours a week else I'd be nodding off at 6pm every day too.

I miss the days when he couldn't open the stairgate too - I should have appreciated them more. :rolleyes:

Speaking of which, I'd best get off to bed if I want to get up before he's had opportunity to wreck the place while I lay ignorantly in bed snoring tomorrow morning...

Night all x