Marriage over don't know where to start

kizzykizzywizzy

Cheers Buffy, I have had a few crazy days!! I have definately had my brain messed up by all this. It was such a shock & after loving him for so long I couldn't just stop.
It was definately easier for me ( & probably him ) to play the happy families thing, but it isn't helping me to move on - which is apparently what he wanted me to do.
I find things easier when I don't see him.
I no longer feel so desperate to see or speak to him.
I just get a bit lonely sometimes & bored, but not necessarily missing him, just company.
Loved the attention of the other night, I would've loved for him to see me with all those blokes gawping at me!!!:p & I wasn't dressed tartily either, & I'm 38, so much older than most of the girls there.
Keep meaning to go to the library SR, I might do that Monday as near C/Tax office.
VSG - He's a mess, I am going to speak to him about this today with his Sister there, if she will be, because I think he needs help.

trancebabe

had to post - didn't want to lose the post

What does it matter that he's told his sister a watered down version of events ? It doesn't change the truth.

She's probably really sick of being in the middle of it tbh, she'd probably rather be getting on with her own life and apart from sympathising with you both, what's going on with you and her brother is probably of little consequence at the time.

Well done SFH -keep strong babe!

Gert - what's done is done hunny... but I do think that having this deadline is putting a level of pressure on that isn't necessary
I can't help thinking that if he wants you and you alone, he would know that today, not in two weeks / months / years / however long he can string you along for.

Take control of it... just make the decision for him (most men actually aren't very good at making decisions and because of this they find it much easier to blame the person who did if it doesn't go their way!)


Have a good day all - hope it's a good one for everyone
T
x

scottishfreebiehunter

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::eek::eek::eek::eek:
Just had a call from my oh who had looked at online phone bill:eek::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: Honest
spoke to kizzy

jay11_2

Rushing so just a quick post, you're all doing SOO well!

Kizzy listen to vsg, he has experience of this stuff through his work, really knows what he's talking about hun...you're too precious and special to put yourself at risk!

kizzykizzywizzy

I know what you are saying Trancebabe, & it sounds like you've had worse than me, but I don't want it to escalate into more.
I need to speak to him in front of someone, so that someone ( hopefully impartial ) can tell him it's unacceptable & that he needs to get help.
I expect she is sick of it all - but that's her brothers fault!

burt123

Oh I am sorry to hear of your distress. My husband left me after being together for 20 years (16 of them married). Although he did leave me for someone else everything you have said brought back similar memories. I was totally gutted and walked around in a daze for 2 weeks. We have 3 children who were then 9, 10 and 11 years old. I told him that no matter how much I loved him I would never ever take him back (he had left me previously for someone else - lasted 2 months and I took him back saying I forgave him but would never forget and if he ever did that again I wouldnt give him another chance). I was left with thousands of pounds worth of debt but I told him he had to sign the house over to me - which he did as he felt guilty. Life was extremely hard, I had almost no money to live on, I did work full time and my employers were absolutely fantastic - I was lucky they gave me a loan to pay debts off and just stopped an amount from my wage each month. I was determined not to let my kids suffer, I kept everything on an amicable level for the sake of everyone involved. I didnt file for divorce until 2 - 3 years later, better that way as it gave everything time to settle and it only then cost me about £300 in solicitors fees. All this happened in 1996, my mum died in 1997 and at the time I thought life was terrible. Life isnt terrible, my children are well balanced lovely kids, 2 of them are now parents themselves, I get on really well with the "other woman" who is in fact lovely, I am even glad that my husband had the sense to force me into changing my life into something much better - I am in a long term relationship with someone else and my life is so different now.
My advice is - dont take too much advice from other people, make sure you do things because you feel its right for you - you have to live with the consequences - not them. Its tough and its hard but you will live through this, it is your husband who will find it harder as he probably still wont know what he wants a year from now, plus all his guilt etc, whereas you have been forced into a situation and when that happens an internal survival instinct (being a woman and a mother we have them) kicks in, you will find your strength once the fog clears, I am here for you if you need it along with all of the others, loads of hugs xx

bank_of_slate

Please watch out for troll deeplyindebt.
ignore, it has been reported!
...Linda xx

gerturdeanna

What did the troll say bank_of_slate?
Nope OH didn't go aswell, he left at 9ish to go and play football, he wouldn't have come anyway,even if he was still here.
Had my parents going on again today about how I shouldn't be even in the house when he comes round and I defo shouldn't be here Sat night - what if someone reports you they said and your money gets stopped!! Not being funny but where the f**k am I meant to go on a tues/thurs afternoon, there is only so much shopping a girl can do.
Really cheesed off now - I just want some sort of normal life.
I can't keep giving myself to him, to only wake up the next morning 'rejected' again IYKWIM. But I do want to be with him, I've told him this, yet he still won't make a commitment to me. I really don't know what to do..if I cut him away, I might never get him back, and I want him.
But then tomorrow I'll be posting saying I don't etc. Am making a docs appointment next week, I can't do this alone anymore, I need help like counselling or whatever, does anyone know if Relate do it for free if you are on benefits - single counselling that is - seen as he won't go to couple counselling.
I do think I'm clutching at straws, thinking that he wants me etc, but then last night again he was talking about getting a new house, away from here, and how we would decorate it and where we would go and how much we could afford for rent etc. Why woud he be saying that, and making plans if he didn't want to do it?
It is sooo messed up, and every sunday I'm the same. Am crying again now.

jay11_2

Aaw Gert, poor you! You really need to stop sleeping with him though--would you do the same with any guy? Course not and at the moment that's all he is, not your OH until he commits again!! MAKE him respect you by pulling back and being a bit harder to get, he's not really having to try very hard at the moment is he!!

Can't you hide upstairs with the lappy when he's there, lock the bedroom door if necessary. Surely the IS people will only have a point if he's staying over....so stop him! It's a good 'out' for you at any rate.

Hugs, xx jay

bank_of_slate

Usual trollish iliterate ramblings really gert!
...Linda xx