Marriage over don't know where to start

tesuhoha

Dear kizzy, I have to say this. I do not think you need to sit down with HIM at all to discuss your finances etc. With him saying stuff like that on the phone and his attitude I think you should treat him with the consideration he deserves. Go to a solicitor and take him for all you can get. Be as ruthless as he is - he never stops to consider your feelings.

And another thing - don't say to him that you haven't rung him for over a week - that makes it sound like you've been counting the days - say instead that you can't remember the last time you spoke to him. Its war now; he's made it that way, especially that dig about your kids meeting the other woman.

kizzykizzywizzy

Night SFH - not much of an achievement that so many cheats around though:o
Jules, sorry, have neglected you tonight, you are being very fair to have Ex in the hospital with you, you must feel very emotional about it all.
When I think of giving birth to our 2 children, it really upsets me so much when I saw my husbands face when our daughter was born, he was so happy & we were both crying with happiness & it's making me cry now just thinking about it & that's all in the past.
I'm just so sorry that your stupid husband will miss that moment, because it's the best feeling in the world, & when YOU have that feeling it will be YOURS to remember forever, sorry I hope I've worded that OK.
I just mean you are going to have the best feeling ever, whilst stupid man won't

kizzykizzywizzy

Hi Tesu
he's paying the mortgage & insurances as he's always said he would, what we need to work out is - if I ( when I ) meet someone, what will happen & how much will he pay as he says he will not pay the mortgage if someone else is living here. So I am not allowed to meet anyone really.
I've said that's instead of maintainance for the kids, he said it's way more than maintainance would be, so I said, ok wiggle out of that one then, just pay £59 a week like the CSA say you have to, then he says oh no I'll pay more than that, this is what we need to sort!
Also visits - keeping sheman, moose away & as he will need a part time job as well as his job to live ( well if you can call that a life ) he started saying it will have to be set days, i said no, I can't promise to set the days, the kids have parties, after school activities, you need to fit in with them, not the other way around. So then i got, well I won't get a part time job, then I won't be able to pay the mortgage so you'll have to sell!
He said I'm being very generous! - bloody cheek

tesuhoha

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Hi Tesu
he's paying the mortgage & insurances as he's always said he would, what we need to work out is - if I ( when I ) meet someone, what will happen & how much will he pay as he says he will not pay the mortgage if someone else is living here. So I am not allowed to meet anyone really.
I've said that's instead of maintainance for the kids, he said it's way more than maintainance would be, so I said, ok wiggle out of that one then, just pay £59 a week like the CSA say you have to, then he says oh no I'll pay more than that, this is what we need to sort!
Also visits - keeping sheman, moose away & as he will need a part time job as well as his job to live ( well if you can call that a life ) he started saying it will have to be set days, i said no, I can't promise to set the days, the kids have parties, after school activities, you need to fit in with them, not the other way around. So then i got, well I won't get a part time job, then I won't be able to pay the mortgage so you'll have to sell!
He said I'm being very generous! - bloody cheek

I don't know what the normal arrangement is, whether he is being generous but my first thought is - this can't last. He's paying the mortgage now but when he moves in with that woman and they are paying rent, will he be able to afford it? My feeling is you need to protect yourself as his generosity will have its limits I think. Once he's with her and its love's young dream, he won't want to be away from her doing an extra part time job. I think you need to tread very carefully here, maybe get some legal advice. He can't force you to sell the house while you have children under a certain age, it may be 16 or 18, so don't worry about that, you can sit tight but I'm not sure how you stand as regards the mortgage once he loses his guilt feelings and he is part of a couple again. Would hate to see you come out of it worse off and be forced to move out of your home as you can't pay the mortgage.

kizzykizzywizzy

I also told DFS that he is WEAK, he is unable to do anything on his own, now has sister doing everything for him, or mummy, before that, I did everything.
He said thank you for that I'll show you how good my life's going to be!
I said don't bother I'm not interested!
In the next breath he's saying he'll be in the same job in 10 years time, whilst he thinks I'm going to meet someone & be much happier, I said yes I will, & he will be a darned site more fun, energetic, enthusiastic, & motivated than you are!

This is the kind of crap we've been arguing about for over an hour earlier!

tesuhoha

Also, if you meet someone, they need not move in unless its serious enough for them to be willing to take on the mortgage,then you won't need his rotten money.

kizzykizzywizzy

I know tes, I went to a solicitor, for the free 30 mins & she said that is unsustainable - I told him that & he said that's crap, she knows nothing!
I said tonight will your slapper really want to come & live here with you having about £5 a week to your name after rent & food? we had friends that were a 2nd marriage for him & his new wife always begrudged the money he paid his EX, it caused no end of problems for them.
Or perhaps the moose is so desperate, she will pay to keep him, see can't do anything on his own - WELL SHOT OF HIM

tesuhoha

This business about the mortgage - its another kind of blackmail. The solicitor was right and you need to work something out so that you're not under any kind of curfew regarding your private life. I wouldnt believe a lot of what he says now as he changes his tune all the time and cannot be trusted.

The woman won't pay or at least not for long once the novelty of being with him wears off and she will probably try to stop him paying the mortgage as she will want that money for them. They will be starting afresh so will need stuff and it will become a major source of argument between them if he insists on it. She will just keep thinking about it. Therefore you just cannot rely on it for very long. I don't know what the answer is but I hope you will find a way to stay in your home. REally have to go to bed now. Goodnight.

kizzykizzywizzy

Night Tes
Yes I need all of this sorted, didn't like the 1st solicitor all that much might go to my sisters solicitor, who's also done her B/F's ( wife cheated ) wonder if they do 3 for 2!
Will get legal aid, once IS kicks in, will see if I can get the number tomorrow as want to start proceedings as soon as 1st payment comes out on new mortgage 1st October.

Chip_Hazard

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Hi Tesu
he's paying the mortgage & insurances as he's always said he would, what we need to work out is - if I ( when I ) meet someone, what will happen & how much will he pay as he says he will not pay the mortgage if someone else is living here. So I am not allowed to meet anyone really.
I've said that's instead of maintainance for the kids, he said it's way more than maintainance would be, so I said, ok wiggle out of that one then, just pay £59 a week like the CSA say you have to, then he says oh no I'll pay more than that, this is what we need to sort!
Also visits - keeping sheman, moose away & as he will need a part time job as well as his job to live ( well if you can call that a life ) he started saying it will have to be set days, i said no, I can't promise to set the days, the kids have parties, after school activities, you need to fit in with them, not the other way around. So then i got, well I won't get a part time job, then I won't be able to pay the mortgage so you'll have to sell!
He said I'm being very generous! - bloody cheek

The only comment I'd make to that is that you'll need to have set days as much as possible. That way, the children will know that day "x" is Daddy day. My two know that I pick them up from school every Wednesday and take them home after football training then again on Friday's too and returning them on Sunday. Any kids parties that fall during my time with them mean that I take the children.

There has to be, as far as possible, stability for the children. I have had the twins every weekend now for three years, four months without missing one.