Marriage over don't know where to start

kizzykizzywizzy

Chip I haven't actually phoned DFS since last Tuesday, so hardly Keeping ringing him!
Although he said does it help you to keep ringing me & going over & over the same things?? I said what I haven't rung you for over a week.

Chip_Hazard

julie2710 wrote: »

....as he clearly can't be trusted to give his kids any stability by introducing them to people who may not even be around for long, and until they have a proven track record for longevity they stay away!!!

I tried saying this to my ex, Julie, but as a non-resident male, I had two hopes of getting her to agree, little hope and no hope. The court system is hopelessly biased against the males in ths world but maybe this thread isn't the best place to bring that up...:D

There should be a decent gap between (a) the custodial parent meeting someone else and going out with them and (b) the custodial parent introducing the children to that person. I'd say six months in each case would be good but it seems that is a forlorn hope.

Keeping_Motivated

Chip did you not say that you 'tried' again with a girlfriend that had cheated on you? Sometimes we need to learn from our own mistakes maybe?

You are talking from a more rational perspective coz you are not in the thick of the raw emotion. I don't want you to get huffy by my post as I feel your input is valuable but sometimes you seem quite angry (maybe a little strong couldn't think of a better way to put it) that especially SFH doesn't seem more grateful that she has her son living with her and that you feel that should be enough for her. I think she will 'eventually' truly know and believe that but surely she would have to be a robot not to be floored emotionally when the man she thought she would spend the rest of her life with has hurt her beyond belief? I know she talks about ending it but I think reading between the lines that she is just writing that to express to us how horrific the pain is for her and its is obviously virtually unbearable for her. Some time is needed for the grieving process surely and your posts 'seem' to be saying she should not be grieving still and she should just be grateful?

Maybe I am reading your posts wrong Chip?

taxi73

Now I see why he's being like that.He doesn't like it when the boot is on the other foot.If he thinks that you are seeing someone else and that person is seeing his kids that will be why he said about the moose wanting to see your kids.He doesn't like it if you are seeing anyone but it's ok for him!!

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks for that, I don't want my kids meeting the Moose, at all, but obviously, if she is to become part of DFS's life it's gonna happen:mad: but I'd say 60 years is about the right time limit:mad:

Chip_Hazard

scottishfreebiehunter wrote: »

Oh Chip do you know what and forgive me if i sound rude
It is how I feel and expressing my feelings has helped me on here and I am not ashamed to admit it.
Revenge well will see how that goes,though everything I have been through and you and many others know how that feels then I would have every right to do so.
I do see where you are coming from and wish you did have youre kidsxxxx


But at the moment I and kizzy and many others hurting very very bad and you will know how that feels,but he will pay for ruining my life,yes maybe wrong attitude but it works for me
xxx

You don't sound rude, SFH, and forgive me if I sound harsh. There are four of you in this...you, DS, ex-OH and the moose. Guess who is most wound up and hurt about all this? Yes, you. Let it go. Talking of revenge can't help you, it just generates hate inside you, sweetheart, please don't do it. I've got a hundred reasons to hate my ex but she just ain't worth it. I'm happier now for letting her go and getting on with enjoying my life.

What comes round, goes round!

kizzykizzywizzy

I wish I had been harder & said, Yes that was the best thing you've ever done, when DFS said the best thing he'd ever done is leave me! but I was so winded by it, because it really came from nowhere.
Not crying now, was on the phone to him & SFH, but the tears seem to dry quicker every time

julie2710

Chip_Hazard wrote: »

I tried saying this to my ex, Julie, but as a non-resident male, I had two hopes of getting her to agree, little hope and no hope. The court system is hopelessly biased against the males in ths world but maybe this thread isn't the best place to bring that up...:D

There should be a decent gap between (a) the custodial parent meeting someone else and going out with them and (b) the custodial parent introducing the children to that person. I'd say six months in each case would be good but it seems that is a forlorn hope.

I appreciate it is a lot harder for men to get the access or custody that they "sometimes" deserve. If only the courts could make decisions based on who truly is the more sensible parent, the one who puts their kids need before their own emotional or often just carnal needs!!

I'm hoping I don't have to go down that route and even if I did, I think courts would find in my favour. I would never use my kid(s) against him. In fact by having him at the hosptal when I give birth in just over 2 weeks (although not in with me during the delivery) I am trying to do what's best for our new son. I want to make sure he has no excuse for not bonding with him the way he did with our other son. It will be no comfort to me for him to be there and I might even find it a bit harder. The midwife even said that she was quite surprised by my decision as she wouldn't want him anywhere near considering the situation but she could understand where I was coming from and thought I was probably being more than reasonable!!

verysillyguy06

But then therapists often say that it would be good to write things down....and then burn/delete the letter...sooo vennting your anger/feelings on here may help.... People cope in different wats...

Chip_Hazard

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Chip did you not say that you 'tried' again with a girlfriend that had cheated on you? Sometimes we need to learn from our own mistakes maybe?

You are talking from a more rational perspective coz you are not in the thick of the raw emotion. I don't want you to get huffy by my post as I feel your input is valuable but sometimes you seem quite angry (maybe a little strong couldn't think of a better way to put it) that especially SFH doesn't seem more grateful that she has her son living with her and that you feel that should be enough for her. I think she will 'eventually' truly know and believe that but surely she would have to be a robot not to be floored emotionally when the man she thought she would spend the rest of her life with has hurt her beyond belief? I know she talks about ending it but I think reading between the lines that she is just writing that to express to us how horrific the pain is for her and its is obviously virtually unbearable for her. Some time is needed for the grieving process surely and your posts 'seem' to be saying she should not be grieving still and she should just be grateful?

Maybe I am reading your posts wrong Chip?

I shan't get huffy, KM, life really is too short. It's just frustrating when people even mention ending it all when they have so much to live for. I'm guessing SFH is a bit younger than me, maybe in her thirties. That's a good 50 years maybe where she can see her son grow up, maybe meet someone else, gradually face up to a new life for herself, have grandchildren etc. Yet her life seems dominated by the need to be as hateful to her ex-OH as she can. I know he's done wrong, I'm certainly not defending him, but the only one losing here is SFH and she shouldn't have to.

This is a beginning of a beginning, not the end!

Yes, I did try again with a g/friend. I had my suspicions about her cheating but could never prove it 100% so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately a neighbour told me she was shagging the local drunk while I was working night shift so once it was 100% proven, she was history. I let her stay for two mor edays to pack her stuff and her ex-husband came and collected her ( she lived 90 miles away when we met ). A cheat is a cheat and the end of a rel'ship although I'm positive someone has made theirs work after infidelity.