Marriage over don't know where to start

gerturdeanna

At least he has admitted he has made a mistake and told the [EMAIL="sl@g"]sl@g[/EMAIL] he doesn't want her, he wants to try again with his family. Ultimately the decision is up to you and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!!

robster1964

Hi Guys,so sorry a few of you have had a troubled and sleepless night. You must be shattered and feel that your going backwards instead of forwards.

Gert love, I don't really have any advice, cos I know that none of it is making sense at the moment cos your thoughts and feelings are too turbulent. I think MissMitch made a good point, about trusting yourself, that no matter what you will be able to cope, practically at least. You will be able to look after yourself and the children. We women are masters of improvisation and these forums are fantastic for dealing with the nuts and bolts of day to day living. So that at least is a positive, say to yourself I will not lay down and die because of this....... even tho, I know that's easier said than done. I think the other thing I would do, is try to make yourself feel better, by changing something that you do have control over. I don't know, something like completely cleaning one room, change it about a bit, or getting in the bath, pamper yourself. Or even making a list about what you love about yourself, or what you have done that makes you feel proud. Maybe Just write down some of the hilarious things that you have said or done (I am sure there's loads there lady!)

I guess what I mean is just do one thing today, that will make you smile, or made you feel that you accomplished something... It might help?

SFH good thinking about getting the bike out, it will help kick in some endorphins and some much needed energy to sort that cheeky little monkey or yours out... Glad to see some of that feisty fighting spirit returning and the colourful language..

Kizzy try to rest love, and look forward to Friday, at least you will be getting out of the house, and who knows what the night will bring.

I am on shifts this week til 8 guys so not going to be around much, but rest assured you are always in my thoughts and I hope there are guardian angels
around you to help carry the loads.

Robster xxx

MissMitch

TFL why did he start drinking heavily last year? Sounds like he has some demons he needs to sort out...and I think he probably needs to start sorting out whatever has been bugging him. He's not bought a red porsche and some leather trousers recently has he? . Seriously though, just sit back and let the dust settle for now. Don't make any big decisions just yet and let him do the donkeywork...you'll soon see if he's serious about making a go of it with you and in a little while you'll have a better idea of what you want too.

gerturdeanna

I've got my guardian angels - there here on this forum!! I'm just about to clean my kitchen from top to bottom, so thats a positive for today. Don't know what I'm going to say to OH later about how he can 'prove' he wants to be with me cos I don't know how he can. I think I've just got to take it day by day. Am feeling more positive this morning, just had a bad day yesterday I think..but I didn't get drunk, which is what I would have done before. I had one glass of wine and pratically had to force it down!! But then when I was lay in bed, I was thinking of all the times he hadn't been here and wondering if he had been with her instead...wrong I know, but the mind plays horrible tricks during the night as we all know.
Re: him 'proving', I've some ideas but don't really want to voice them as he may not want to do them and then that would show me that he doesn't want to 'prove' but then again if I don't ask I don't know!!
OMFG!!! How did my life get in such a mess!! Just weighed myself and I've lost another 3 pounds without even trying!! So some good has come out of all this!!

robster1964

Tlf, what a god forsaken nightmare. Honey at least you have a start. He allegedly is going to do what it takes to repair what he has done. If that's what you want? I guess with all the upset, you don't know that yourself, do you?

If that woman starts hassling you again in your own home, please let the authorities deal with her. Phone the police and do not allow that sort of harrassment, it's not fair on you and the kids. Take it easy and if you are going to give him another go, please write down what he has to do, to regain your trust and show it to him.

Best of Luck Babe x

Robster xxx

kizzykizzywizzy

Just going to make myself look presentable (could take some time ), have a bath do my hair etc to go shopping AGAIN, going to the designer outlets, don't want them to think I'm a tramp or a shoplifter!
I know this sounds a really stupid thing to be doing when so much **** going on, but keeps me busy & I really haven't go anything to wear, all too big & as I never go out, I didn't have much anyway.
Thanks Trancebabe for your positive comments
TLF - big descisions for you to make, take your time, at least he told her in front of you it was over, so no doubts there especially after she came to your house:eek: has the filthy wench no shame?

Chip is in the building chip, chip give us a wave, give us a wave, give us a
wave:wave: :dance:

kizzykizzywizzy

SFH - good for you with the bike thing!
Peeing down here & no bike ( which sort of stops me doing the same:p )

MissMitch

Gert, I think there's very few things you can ask him to 'prove' without him feeling pressure...and I'm sorry Chip et al....but I think it's the inability to handle pressure that makes many of these men 'run away' in the first place. I'm not saying pressure from us women, but just the boring day to day stresses and strains of life & children and so on and so forth. I know my ex is a great big coward for a start!

Maybe it might help if you hang back a bit an make him work a little harder...I don't mean giving him the wrong message that maybe you're not interested in sorting things out but if you take a bit more control of things, and think "**** it, he can make some effort"

gerturdeanna

I think I have been doing that - the kids didn't call him last night or this morning either. But he called them, all though last night was after they had gone to bed. How can I make him work harder though?!?! I think this all stems from me sleeping with him last week - made me look really weak and so willing to have him back in my life - thats stopping for sure, might pop to Ann Summers later!! hehe!!
Don't know how else I can hold back and make him work?

trancebabe

TLF - OMFG - what's wrong with that woman arguing it out at your married home??! How did you not give that tart a slap and send her on her way??

At least he's sticking to one story - and only you know what's right for you so take your time and make the right decision for you.

The kids will be fine, try and explain as best you can that Mummy and Daddy are having a bit of time out because they need to think about some stuff! I know you'll find the right words, but do keep talking to them about it. Don't ignore their questions because they'll get frustrated and angry (and maybe insecure too)

Gert - hugs... !! Hope things get a bit clearer for you soon

SFH - Bike ride.. nice one!!! Blow away those sad thoughts!

Kizz- Enjoy some retail therapy hun!!

Have a great day all!

Tx