Marriage over don't know where to start

Pollycat

Gert
it's good to hear that things are continuing to look up for you.

Kizzy

I just wish I had been strong enough to follow the original advice I was given at the start & I would've been a lot further along by now,

I agree with themaccas, you're being too hard on yourself here.
You initial instinct was to try to keep your marriage together. There's nothng wrong with that.
In fact I think that if you HADN'T done that, you'd forever be wondering what would have happened if you HAD tried to keep things together.
You've come out of this with the knowledge that you gave your marriage your best shot, your dignity is still intact.
OK, people did give you advice but as lots of us have said to Gert, it's your life and you have to make the decisions that feel best to you.
For what it's worth, I think you've done really well throughout all this.

TLF
I'm sorry to hear that your husband has cheated.
You've been given some great financial advice.
From what you've said, your husband has behaved appallingly. :mad:
To be found out in an affair, to have been given a second chance and then to carry on with the affair is (almost) beyond belief.

He says he is so sorry for what he has done and does not want us to split up.

Is he crazy? Is he stupid? Is he sorry for what he's done or is he sorry that he's been found out for the second time?

I'm not going to give any advice about your relationship, as I've said above 'it's your life' but your man sounds like a pretty duplicitous character to me.

kizzykizzywizzy

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Good girl Have you got anything planned today to keep you busy?

No nothing planned, the weather's not all that good, might go to one of these Heritage sites it's heritage day I think & a lot of places are free to get in, but I'm not feeling so good mentally today, funny how dreams can seem so real

Pollycat

SFH
Your friend's reaction sounds a bit 'off'. Is she going through a hard time too?

I am losing the will to live again today and really need some help so not sure where to turn next,

Anything we can do?

3 weeks is not a long time really - how long are you going to Australia for?
Why not spend today having a look through your wardrobe and decide what you're going to take?
Start making lists of things to take and things you need to do (cancel milk, book the cat into the cattery etc).
I love planning for holidays.

Keeping_Motivated

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

No nothing planned, the weather's not all that good, might go to one of these Heritage sites it's heritage day I think & a lot of places are free to get in, but I'm not feeling so good mentally today, funny how dreams can seem so real

Yeah dreams can definatley weigh you down the next day. Might be a good idea to have adult company today to keep you on track, is there anyone you and the kids can visit today or anyone who would like to go to the Heritage site with you? Probably not good to be alone with the kids if you can help it?

kizzykizzywizzy

No, KM it's the sad weekend, when everyone is in families - well seems that way, mind you I expect DFS is having a worse time
I think I'll go for a soak in the bath

scottishfreebiehunter

Yes she has pollycat but all the stuff saying how she always was attracted to my oh has really got me down:rolleyes::eek: you just do not say that to people,well I wouldnt

anyway as you say time for me to start sorting my life out and getting to oz no more nights out for me for now as to much xxxxxxxx

Kizzy we will turn that corner one day for surexxxx

Keeping_Motivated

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

No, KM it's the sad weekend, when everyone is in families - well seems that way, mind you I expect DFS is having a worse time
I think I'll go for a soak in the bath

Could you visit you Nan. Dad, Sister? I know you dad has not been good but could you drag him round the Heritage to get him out?

Keeping_Motivated

scottishfreebiehunter wrote: »

Yes she has pollycat but all the stuff saying how she always was attracted to my oh has really got me down:rolleyes::eek: you just do not say that to people,well I wouldnt

OMG :eek: :eek: :eek: I didn't realise she said she was attracted to him!!! I thought you meant she was just telling you your Ex was handsome which is a different thing altogether. Obviously whatever she is going through she is so self absorbed she has not even registered the extent of your grief

Ellidee

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

No nothing planned, the weather's not all that good, might go to one of these Heritage sites it's heritage day I think & a lot of places are free to get in, but I'm not feeling so good mentally today, funny how dreams can seem so real

Kizzy I think the Heritage open days are NEXT weekend.

Juneno

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Yes, you really do need to know, why he suddenly realised what a berk he was.
I would be so shocked if DFS changed his mind, I'd think, has he been dumped? etc
Also I don't honestly know what I'd say or do, as much as I did want to get back before, I don't really want the life I had back, not all of it anyway, yes I was happy then, but now I'm living a bit more & not just sitting in watching TV & pleasing him all the time, I quite like those aspects of my "new" life.

That is probably the best thing I've seen you say!! You go girl!

This new found strength and confidence is what you've needed and finally it's come. Even if you did get back together now, he'd see a different person and it would be on your terms. No more doormat and only thinking about pleasing him.
Belly dancing is great fun so definitely go fot it. And you don't need to be Einstein to have the common sense and sensitivity you've shown on here, so no more dissing yourself!

Gert - good for you. I would never comment on your decision to get together again one way or the other as it's totally your set of circumstances, nobody elses so nobody can really comment, can they?

SFH - you are really moving forward now! Hope the night out was good! Keep up the positive side and hopefully the negatives will get less.
Oops! Just read to the end of the thread! Your friend sounds a bit strange!

June x