Marriage over don't know where to start

Dumbledore55

scottishfreebiehunter wrote: »

I was told by my solicitor if I do not want my son to go anywhere with them and due to his age then thats the way it will be.
Mine has agreed though that son will have nothing to do with them as a couple,at the time he is 16 then things may change but not now

I don't think that's correct you would have to prove them unfit to be near your son. Your ex is supposed to ask permission to take him out the country but you have to ask him too. If he has contact rights I'm afraid you have no say in where he takes them or who he lets them see while he has them. As hard as it is, think of it the other way round, if you found yourself a new man would you want him preventing your children from seeing him?

Its very difficult but I always try to make decisions that are best for my son and that includes having a good time and life with his dad and his new partner.

The only thing you can stop is his new woman collecting your son, no one else has the right to collect them on his behalf unless you say its OK but you wouldn't really be able to stop her dropping him off!

Its really difficult to cope with emotionally but I just wanted everything to be as normal as possible for my son and that meant me building a good relationship with his step mum.

My ex had the same feelings, I can remember him saying, 'I don't want another man living with my son and reading him stories'. I just said it wouldn't be 'any man' it would be my new partner and you have to trust me to make sure I choose someone who will be good for both of us.

Divorce and separation is very much like a bereavement and you go through different phases:

• Shock/Denial/disbelief
• Anger/Depression
• Acceptance/Coping
• Moving Forward

The trouble is, you can keep moving in and out of these phases sometimes on an hourly or daily basis.

You will eventually come out the other side, I promise but its just very traumatic.

gerturdeanna

Wise words Dumbledore!! (But aren't you dead?!?! hehe) - (Oh dear, alcohol kicked in early tonight!! whoop!!)

Dumbledore55

gerturdeanna wrote: »

Wise words Dumbledore!! (But aren't you dead?!?! hehe) - (Oh dear, alcohol kicked in early tonight!! whoop!!)

Or am I? You never know, I am a wizard after all!!

gratefulone

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

I am getting my hair cut & dyed on friday - FOR ME can't wait.
I really feel I've turned the corner, I said when he left, I thought you were happy now, he said I am happy, I said yes you really look it!!
Because he is so miserable & screwed up, you can't believe it, whereas I feel positively relieved today that I don't have to put up with him being a moody beep anymore.
Looking forward to a bright & happy future

Hi kizzy. So glad to hear that you are feeling stronger and more positive about the future. Fantastic. You are getting stronger every day. Well done and keep going. Everyone is doing so fantastically. SFH, gert, you too - well done. You are all fantastic. Just keep supporting each other and it will keep you strong. Women Power - go girls!!!!!!!

:T :T :T

kizzykizzywizzy

You are so right about the phases!!
& about going from one to another almost hourly.
I've just been on the phone to yet another friend, she's just got back from hols, have known her since I was about 15, me & ex went to her wedding in Mexico ( must've been another of those times when he was unhappy! )
She is so shocked, but it's also happened to one of the other couples that came to her wedding & she only found out about that today too!! What a coincidence! Only 1 couple left + them now!
Anyway ex was supposed to ring to say goodnight & I was still on the phone, the second I put the phone down it rang & was him, he spoke to the kids, he asked if they had a nice day, sure he was trying to find out what we did ( being kids they just say yes!! ) & then said he'll come around 9am tomorrow so I can go to housing office, I just said ok, he said he's booked time off next week for A Towers & for thier first day back at school & I just said OK & he said have a nice night! I just said I will, bye & put the phone down.
Need to dig all my stuff out for tomorrow now, & fill in anything I can, I'm not lazy or stupid, I just have a mental block where these forms are concerned, I really don't want to fill them in - sounds stupid I know.
Gert - sounds too much of a coincidence doesn't it?
Can't you just warn him, if he goes there's no going back?

gerturdeanna

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Gert - sounds too much of a coincidence doesn't it?
Can't you just warn him, if he goes there's no going back?

Just spoke to my sister who has also checked it out and there is something else before about her friend coming up from down south to spend the weekend with her - so just an overactive imagination!! I really should stop looking at her page!!
I have no probs with him going to the wedding, wish we all were going but never mind!! MIL is going to speak to him over the weekend and then we are comparing stories next week!! Should be fun!!

gratefulone

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Thanks Buttercup, yes I have done EVERYTHING, it felt like nobody noticed , so when he came back I said to him, you've never said how well I did on my own looking after everything & he Patted me on the back & right in my face sarcastically he said WELL DONE!
I won't be second best & won't have my children
treated the way he has been. She said don't be too hasty!!
I said he's made it a lot easier by being so horrible.
Hope the message gets passed on

Kissy your children have noticed and will thank you for all you have done for them in the years to come. Time invested in your children is NEVER wasted or unnoticed by them. I am so glad you will not accept any less than you deserve and as others have said don't be reluctant to cancel AT at the weekend if he is being a fool. You don't have to accept his grumpiness and moodiness anymore and neither to the children. If he cannot be bothered to make an effort to make the time he spends with them as pleasant as possible for them then perhaps he doesn't deserve to be in their company at all! I have just got back from work and had a big glass of wine so just had to write what the alcohol will allow!!! You and the other wonderful ladies are taking your power back and I just want to encourage you all to keep up all your efforts to overcome your difficult circumstances. You are all doing so well. Lots of hugs to all of you

:T :T :T :T :T :beer:

Keeping_Motivated

gerturdeanna wrote: »

Just spoke to my sister who has also checked it out and there is something else before about her friend coming up from down south to spend the weekend with her - so just an overactive imagination!! I really should stop looking at her page!!
I have no probs with him going to the wedding, wish we all were going but never mind!! MIL is going to speak to him over the weekend and then we are comparing stories next week!! Should be fun!!

Did he offer to still take the children to his brothers wedding? I'mm glad the woman did not mean she was going with your OH its no wonder you have an overactive imagination with all the lies and whats gone on.

KM x

Keeping_Motivated

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

You are so right about the phases!!
& about going from one to another almost hourly.
I've just been on the phone to yet another friend, she's just got back from hols, have known her since I was about 15, me & ex went to her wedding in Mexico ( must've been another of those times when he was unhappy! )
She is so shocked, but it's also happened to one of the other couples that came to her wedding & she only found out about that today too!! What a coincidence! Only 1 couple left + them now!
Anyway ex was supposed to ring to say goodnight & I was still on the phone, the second I put the phone down it rang & was him, he spoke to the kids, he asked if they had a nice day, sure he was trying to find out what we did ( being kids they just say yes!! ) & then said he'll come around 9am tomorrow so I can go to housing office, I just said ok, he said he's booked time off next week for A Towers & for thier first day back at school & I just said OK & he said have a nice night! I just said I will, bye & put the phone down.
Need to dig all my stuff out for tomorrow now, & fill in anything I can, I'm not lazy or stupid, I just have a mental block where these forms are concerned, I really don't want to fill them in - sounds stupid I know.
Gert - sounds too much of a coincidence doesn't it?
Can't you just warn him, if he goes there's no going back?

Hi Kizzy I PM'd you but I think you've answered in this post. I'm glad you are managing to stay polite but to the point when you speak to him it will help to keep him emotionally at arms length. I'm glad you have had a nice day and that you've spoken to your other friends too, you need their support so keep taking it thats what friends are for.

KM x

gerturdeanna

No, I did ask if he wants to take them, cos I have no problem with that!! But no, he has the stag night on Friday night and he wouldn't want to leave the kids with anyone else and its also a 6 hour drive down there and he admitted he wouldn't be able to cope etc. He just wants to get pised really!!! And yes I am glad the [EMAIL="sl@g"]sl@g[/EMAIL] isn't going!! Like I said overactive imagination!! (and too much booze!!)