Marriage over don't know where to start

poppyg_2

Well I think that you're all doing really well and deserve a lot of admiration with the you are coping with things :A

Kizzy, it's good to see you getting into the 'angry' stage. I still dont think your husband knows what he wants but I'm so glad you're not sitting around waiting for him and are thinking straight getting things sorted. You're torturing yourself looking at those emails but I know I'd do the same if I were you.

poppyg_2

earthgirl wrote: »

I have just spent many hours reading your posts, and my heart goes out to all of you who have obviously been through so much pain.

I have been married to my OH for 3 years and we have no kids. Things have not been great for a while, married to a workaholic! I have started getting attention from another man and I am ashamed to say I have not discouraged it (he knows I'm married).

I haven't done anything - not even touched or kissed him - but the thought is there. I just wanted to say that I read how you all felt when marriages broke up and I have decided that I couldn't cause that much pain to someone else, and even though my hubby and I might not manage to sort things out, having an affair IS NOT the answer.

A bit stuck for ideas as to what to do to make him interested in me again - guess it takes time. I have tried to talk to him this week and it doesn't seem to have improved, but I'm going to give him time and take my marriage vows seriously.

Just thought you might like to know that reading how you felt made me face up to what was really going on and has made me a less selfish person. Thank you all so much!

Earthgirl, that is so good of you to share your thoughts/views from a totally different side and I am glad that this thread has led you to if you like see into the future if you were to have an affair.

The thing is you wouldn't just be hurting your husband either, you'd be hurting yourself in the long run

gerturdeanna

I wouldn't ever actually stop him from the seeing the kids, and I probably wouldn't even threaten him from not seeing them, but he does need to get his act together and the kids need routine and it will just disturbe them more, if he can't stick to it most of the time, but at the moment, he's not even trying to - he is still living here (until next week) but half the time, he doesn't spend anytime with them!!

Kizzy - do you get CBenfit paid into the bank,? cos the reference number will be on your statements.

earthgirl

Thanks, I wasn't sure how it would look to post my story, but I have had only a tiny glimpse as to how painful the future by reading these posts and I can't do it.

A few hours ago I could have and its all down to reading this thread. I owe the honest people on here a debt of gratitude forever. Thank you and good luck!

scottishfreebiehunter

well my ratbag is pushing the limits so he has been told

cannot be bothered with him today as will end up throwing something at him though have been told to keep head held high
hard though

scottishfreebiehunter

Rikki wrote: »

I think one of the worse times emotionally is when the ex and his new women take the children away for a holiday and there is nothing you can do.

I was told by my solicitor if I do not want my son to go anywhere with them and due to his age then thats the way it will be.
Mine has agreed though that son will have nothing to do with them as a couple,at the time he is 16 then things may change but not now

Rikki

scottishfreebiehunter wrote: »

I was told by my solicitor if I do not want my son to go anywhere with them and due to his age then thats the way it will be.
Mine has agreed though that son will have nothing to do with them as a couple,at the time he is 16 then things may change but not now

The courts don't see it that way I'm afraid. Tried that one.

A lot can change between now and your son being sixteen. If your ex gets married for example.

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks Gert will have a look on B Soc book

Earth Girl, well done you for trying with your marriage, an affair will hurt you too.
Glad out of all this misery, you might get something positive.
Honestly Earth Girl, it's worse than a death for me, & I know what I'm talking about, having lost my Mum last year, please don't do it, by all means, have a good talk with him, say you're unhappy & if he doesn't do anything to change this, perhaps seperate for a bit, but don't end a marriage that must have started so hopefully, with deciept.
Sorry wasn't meant to be a lecture!! I think you are fab for trying:T

elona

Kizzy

The "Don't be hasty" comment had me swallowing my tongue in indignation!!!!

HE was the one who was unfaithful!

HE was the one who said the marriage was over!

HE is the one who says he is happy he is no longer "a slave to you!"

HE is the one who trampled all over your mrriage and has thrown it away!!!

I bet he has given her the impression that he had a little indiscretion and that you have thrown him out!!!

Also that he is trying to "save his marriage!"

kizzy

You have to stop believing that the "good stuff" is the real him and the "nasty stuff" is not!

He has been "moody" "grumpy" and selfish for a long time by the sound of it.

It is presumably more comfortable for him to be playing Happy Families than being at his sister's home or his Mums!

He is playing with you and your children as if they are "toys" - picking them up and then putting them down at his whim.

It is not fair. To me what he is doing is almost sociopathic!!!

Chip

I did not read that anyone wanted seriously to stop a father seeing his children- just for a system to be set up so everyone knew where they stood and the children knew when they would see him - for their sake!!

scottishfreebiehunter

Rikki wrote: »

The courts don't see it that way I'm afraid. Tried that one.

A lot can change between now and your son being sixteen. If your ex gets married for example.

Thing is I have it all in black and white as my oh been having a bit of a guilt trip I think and all signed sealed and delivered what will be happening so he does not have a leg to stand on solicitor said if he took it to court up here.
All different I suppose in certain circumstances as my ds will go nowwhere near and cannot be forced as of that age


Every case different thoughxxxxxxx