Single and in debt.

Lula-Hula

Good morning fabulous people,

I was so traumatised by having to work again that I had to have an early bath & bed. Having read back through the thread I'm relieved I was absent as I am overwhelmed by shame .

I'm still 'dabbling' with the OF & I know I shouldnt as his feelings run a lot deeper than mine. I've been completely honest about not wanting a full time thing & that my main aim for the next 2 years is to clear the debts & that I dont believe we have a long term future together (I'm not in love with him) but still he persists that we can work on things. He's good company, easy going & physically we really connect but . . . he's not THE ONE. To be honest I'm no longer convinced THE ONE exists for me which is why I keep dabbling because underneath all the fabulousness lies a woman who knows that she is hiding her fear of being alone under the security blanket of having to care for DD for the next 10 years.

I've been soul searching & navel gazing over the last couple of weeks & all I can say for certain is that I feel that my life is 'on hold' until the debt is clear. I have no disposable income other than what I'm saving for the hol/emergencies if I want to clear the debt asap. At the back of my mind is the shameful idea that having OF around kinda saves me from having to get out & socialise .

I am wrong, wrong, wrong but will try to find a way to balance out my karma

catch you later
lula
xx

makeup

Lula-Hula wrote: »

Good morning fabulous people,

I am overwhelmed by shame .

I am wrong, wrong, wrong but will try to find a way to balance out my karma

catch you later
lula
xx

Hey Lula

Don't go there - you have nothing to feel ashamed about and affairs of the heart are rarely clear-cut. It is rare that there is one partner completely to blame / in the wrong....

You have explained the situation to O/F and he knows this but he also thinks things will change.... I've been in his situation and I know it is hard to leave, but at same time he is also getting same things you are - company, friendship, fun, 'connection'

It is hard to do the right thing most of the time... I know my sensible head always has the right idea but my hopeful heart takes over!!

I bet you have tons of good karma.....for one think of your allotment - all that food that hasn't been flown / shipped for miles and so you have good karma with the environment to start with!!!!


JazzyJeff - hello! I'm a new member to this board and am enjoying the chats and reading about other peoples stories and their successes and I'm sure you will too!

eco

Lula makeup's right don't beat yourself up about it, it's taken me a while to realise it but you'd never have read a post like that from a man, so why do women feel more guilt?

lxpeanut

:hello: Hi

I thought I'd introduce myself as this is probably the perfect thread for me. I'm 30, female, very in debt and very single.

I've been around on this board and then the bankruptcy thread for a while but don't post that often (I usually get distracted by gabbing in the discussion forum ). I got myself in a horrible mess with debts went on a DMP and last summer decided to go bankrupt. Then two weeks before my court date got the good news that I would be getting a significant payrise in February so I'm back trying to clear my debts.

As for the love life I'd say I was terminally single. My focus has been getting my career sorted out and then getting my debts sorted out rather than having a love life. I'm determined that this will change this year. If any one has any suggestions how to get a love life I'd love to hear them. Most of my ex boyfriends have been friends first I've never done the dating thing.

Lula your OF might not be be MR RIGHT but he's Mr Right Now and maybe he's happy to just be that. If not then he is the one that should make that decision. I think as long as you are honest with him then you are fine.

mags33_2

hi everyone

mags update

i have a brand spanking new bank account go me go me go me

was in there for an hour and the lady was lovely it helped that i knew her well and she understood what im going through financially just now as i was honest with her.

They have set up a transfer for all my DD's SO's and my salary and then for my previous account to be closed

so thats one less worry crossed off my list

Postman has called and no nasty letters but i wont speak to soon lol

hope your all well today

SuSu1871

Hello JazzyJeff and lxpeanut :hello:

Welcome to the crazy, hormonal world of the (mainly women) singletons! JazzyJeff, it's great to have another bloke on board as I fear we may have scared SBC and TDQO off with our female angst :rotfl: It's always GREAT to get a male perspective, though, and of course there are plenty of us gals to offer our straight-forward, not-at-all-confusing outlook on love, life and relationships

Fab news about being debt free!! I'm hoping to join you in June (at the latest - woohoo!!). Although....I'm already thinking about getting a new car so will probably swap one debt for another, but at least I'll have something beautiful yet practical to show for it

lxpeanut, the whole "get the job and debts sorted first" seems to be a common goal on this thread, and tbh I think it's the best way to do things. Focus on the self, then give to others (although if some lovely bloke wants to take care of the focusing on me bit for a while I wouldn't say no :rotfl: )

I've had a fab day today :j Saw the osteopath for the first time in a month and he gave my spine a massive C-R-A-C-K, I feel about 2 inches taller!! I've never been one for paying for physical pleasure, but that guy deserves every penny of his £35 for 30 minutes!! Fortunately I can claim it back on expenses as it's a work-related injury, so that makes it all the more sweet

SuSu1871

runmichellerun wrote: »

I have a date this Friday :eek: and someone I know is trying to set me up with their nephew :eek: so I might see him too. Who knows what the future holds...

Ooh, who's your date with? What's he like? Who asked who? Where are you going?

(I'm living vacariously through you, so make it good!!)

I'm going out to London town tomorrow night for my ex-boss's retirement do - should be quite a few people there that I know (including one of the many blokes I used to have crush on when we worked together!)

AND, a bunch of us are going to a comedy club in Leafy Chiswick on Friday, so let's see how that goes...

I am in a state of "least expecting it" - isn't that when it comes & bites you on the bum?! :rotfl:

Lula-Hula

Hey everyone & welcome to jazzyjeff & lxpeanut ,

thanks for the ever sensible advice :A & bluddy well said eco although I hasten to add that I'm not on some weird feminist revenge on men style trip :rotfl: . I'm not a 'user' of people but I was beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable so will now go forth (without multiplying) shame & guilt free :j .
Great news on the bank account mags - bet you feel so relieved now

Hope you social people have a good time on your night's out & just remember how dam fabulous you are please :cool:

lula

Paperwhite

Ooh, a thread I feel at home in!

40, single and about 10k debt. Working on it though! Men have brought me nothing but bad luck and debt so I'm going to forget about them and make 2009 about ME!!!!!

SuSu1871

Paperwhite wrote: »

Ooh, a thread I feel at home in!

40, single and about 10k debt. Working on it though! Men have brought me nothing but bad luck and debt so I'm going to forget about them and make 2009 about ME!!!!!

Welcome Paperwhite!

Great idea to make 2009 the year of ME (or you, obviously)!!

Ooh, by the way, is anyone 36 between Feb 2009 and 2010? If so, it's your Chinese year of the Ox!!

(I'm a pig :rotfl: - I had my time 2 years ago, which was when I started tackling my debts, so I'm looking forward to my next Chinese year...when I'm 48!!)