Single and in debt.

sarahb123_3

Aww Lula, that's really carppy. Is the person close to you likely to agree to the contact? Is there any way you can ask them not to?

makeup

Hello

I've been lurking for a while and just wanted to jump in and say hi! I've pretty much cleared my debts thanks to a new job which has given me a huge pay rise (hurrah!) but I still have my student loan to clear off (boo!)

I can totally relate to the comments on here, I'm 33 and single and pretty much the only singleton in my friends. Most of my pals are married and planning babies. I think part of my debt was due to Summer 06 where I spent 6 weekends on various wedding related activities (4 weddings and 2 hen do's) which was a seriously expensive way to spend the Summer.

I am looking forward to Christmas even though my younger sister is married with a baby as are almost all of my cousins - I think my family have given up on me.

I got my tarot cards read on the weekend and was told that in about 6 months I'm going to meet someone who I will be good friends with and then it will develop into something more....... this sounds really exciting and I sometimes think that the hope and possibility of something happening is enough to keep me feeling positive!

Sorry for rambling....all the posts have sparked something off in me!!

:j

Lula-Hula

Hi sarah,

hope you're feeling more 'fu** off world, I'm fabulous' now .

Re my 'dread', the short story is : DD1 called yesterday to say that the ex ( he who completely annhilated my self esteem, confidence, my credit, my health, faith in humanity & damn nearly my sanity too) has requested to be accepted as a 'friend' of hers on facebook. After 8 years of silence & just when I thought we were 'safe' he reappears. He's DDs father; the issues & potential horrors that this could stir up are truly horrific. It makes me feel sick just thinking about it. We never married & as he made no contact after DD was a year & half old I got used to being a single parent & eventually changed DDs surname back to mine. As he was absent I had to assure the solictor that we'd had an agreement to do that (which is true) but she did advise me that he could issue legal proceedings to revoke it & that he would probably win. That's the tip of the iceberg. He may want to apply for visiting rights or even custody. I have no idea where I stand legally on any of this. It's what 8 days til christmas & now he crawls out of the woodwork why !!!!!! ?

Sorry for rant, my head spinning :eek:

Aaagh, completely forgot to answer your question - she was shocked & was going to reject immediately but though she'd tell me first. There are 3 other people on facebook who are mutual friends, need to ask if he's been in contact with them but without sounding utterly paranoid

makeup

Hi Lula

That sounds really worrying - do you mean that your daughters father has asked to be her 'friend' on FB?

I'm no legal expert but I believe that the family courts will take into account the child's opinion and if he hasn't had contact for 8 yrs - he isn't going to be seen as a reliable father.

Saying all this, it would be worth seeking advice, how about speaking to CAB?

I would try and take a deep breath and not panic too much, is there anyone you have in common who you could ask to dig and see what his intentions are?

I don't wish to be too negative but a leopard rarely changes his spots and if he has been absent for so long it would be surprising if he stuck around?

Take care of yourself.

TDQO

Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good. Hopefully it's just a weak attempt by him to make contact, if you ignore him then he'll give up. He's probably thinking that with it being near xmas your DD will be thinking about her dad and will want to make contact. Then he can use her to get to you.

sarahb123_3

Lula-Hula wrote: »

Re my 'dread', the short story is : DD1 called yesterday to say that the ex ( he who completely annhilated my self esteem, confidence, my credit, my health, faith in humanity & damn nearly my sanity too) has requested to be accepted as a 'friend' of hers on facebook. After 8 years of silence & just when I thought we were 'safe' he reappears. He's DDs father; the issues & potential horrors that this could stir up are truly horrific. It makes me feel sick just thinking about it. We never married & as he made no contact after DD was a year & half old I got used to being a single parent & eventually changed DDs surname back to mine. As he was absent I had to assure the solictor that we'd had an agreement to do that (which is true) but she did advise me that he could issue legal proceedings to revoke it & that he would probably win. That's the tip of the iceberg. He may want to apply for visiting rights or even custody. I have no idea where I stand legally on any of this. It's what 8 days til christmas & now he crawls out of the woodwork why !!!!!! ?

Sorry for rant, my head spinning :eek:

Well that stinks and it's excellent timing as well:mad: It might be an idea to start a new thread, possibly in the Arms, asking if anyone has any experience of this and what to do, have seen a few questions along these sort of lines and there are lots of helpful responses from single parents and people who know about the legal side of things as well. Might help you feel better if you knew the likely outcomes and what to do next. Forewarned is forearmed. He hasn't met the new you so he doesn't know who he is messing with!

Fight fire with fire. Find out what to do and then sit tight waiting for any moves from his side and have your calm response already prepared. He sounds like a piece of work who wants a reaction from you. That's what he gets off on so don't let him have it. If he doesn't get the expected reaction he might just !!!!!! off. He knows DD1 will have told you. Don't let him frighten you or spoil your Christmas. I would definitely make a new thread in the Arms where it's more popular and you will get more responses, or in the Money Saving and Families (i think it's called) board. I don't know much about the legal side of it but surely DD's wishes will be taken into account as well? Anyway, do not let this person frighten you, I know it's easier said than done. Could ex BF be of any use in persuading this person it might be a better ideas to f**k off?

TDQO

You must know a few rugby player type blokes? Friendly with any local bouncers? Have a chat and see if they'll send the boys round...problem solved ;P

sarahb123_3

Hi makeup and welcome :wave: Glad you are looking forward to Christmas, I am the only childless one and I am dreading it! Well done on the pay rise as well:j

Lula-Hula

Hi guys & thanks for the support :A

Just to clarify ; I am a reformed tramp that is to say DD1 has facebook, she's left home & the ex is not her father, he's DD2s. I know, it's weird but he was stepfather to DD1 for nearly 6 years & yet he doesnt even know his biological DD.

I totally agree that leopards dont change their spots & I can guarantee he wants something. I will definitely seek some form of legal knowledge. He may just fade away again but what really annoys me is that just by resurfacing he has managed to hurl me into a turmoil & I bet he damn well knows it :mad: . I'm now unsettled again & wondering how long it will take for the anticipation of dread to melt away.

Now would be a very good time for a dashing knight to appear .... :rolleyes:

TDQO

Ah ok I think I understand... Glad to hear you're a "reformed" tramp lol, I'm pretty sure we won't hold it against you!

On the dashing knight front I've heard you can hire them for as little as a bag of horse feed and some metal polish for their armour...