dementia and re inforcement

Savvy_Sue

I had a quick look on the Alzheimer's site, and they seem to be saying that there is no need to correct. I know you say he has vascular dementia, soolin, but they have a bit about dementia, and some possibly useful factsheets. Can't find a Dementia Society as such with a quick look.

soolin

fas3robinj wrote: »

Seems that most of us agree.

I'm going to see my 89yo mother tomorrow. She has dementia, and struggles to know me or my sister. She tells me that she has been out, and enjoyed herself, most times I go. Even though I know she hasn't. She's been chair ridden in a nursing home for the last 4 years.

One day she asked me where her husband was. I told her he died in 1987. She cried for a week. I would never correct her again, unless there was a benefit to her. Nowadays I ask her what she did when she was out.

That sound svery much like my dad, there is nothing at all left of his memory. He often believes he is just going or just coming back from a foreign holiday (he loved going abroad) and we often sit and discuss what we have packed or what we will eat and drink when we arrive in the Black Forest.

Last month he was convinced he was waiting for a coach to the seaside and had actually managed to persuade most of the other residents as well so there were cries of 'watch out the window for the coach'. I asked then if I should say something but the care worker said that as soon as she called them all for dinner they would forget everything about the coach and the trip, and she was quite right. Th eodd thing is that I have tried to get dad to come out in the car with me, but he won;t go, he is so worried he might miss something in the home. I did bring him home for one afternoon earlier this year, he was so worried and so out of sorts I just took him back and he was so pleased to see the back of me. On that particular day I was a bit down and had a fancifal though of giving up work and bringing dad home so I could care fo rhim , however seeing how unhappy he was at my home I was content that he is actually OK in his care place.

Thank you again everyone, as usual discussing my fears on here has settled my mind a lot.

aurora_borealis_2

If anyone's got any ideas on how to stop my dad getting dressed and up at 2am, 3am, 4am I'd be very grateful .... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

astonsmummy

Ooh something that is very close to my heart.
I work with the elderly and am hoping to specialise in dementia care.
I'm attending a Dementia course on Tuesday so might be able to report a bit more back then.
IMO I tend to go along with what the person is saying, CSCI have other ideas though :rolleyes:
Take it this way, what would you do if someone was constantly telling you you are not soolin and it's not 2008? It would be a bloody nightmare to say the least! now imagine that you live your life in a state of confusion for the best part, even worse!
I had training on the 'mental capacity act 2005' last week and it was very eye opening, and so was the trainer, he is a psycologist and devotes a large amount of time with demetia patients, and involved in all things demetia.
One thing that really stuck in my mind is to ask the person how old they are, then you can sort of work out what year they are 'living in' it can make things a whole lot easier, and can combat challenging behaviour in the process.
Sorry if i'm making sod all sense, but at the end of the day, you do what you feel comfortable with, go with your gut it's more than likely right.

lavandergirl_2

Telling someone with dementia that their mum, dad, husband, etc. are dead makes them relive the pain over and over again. It's like telling them for the first time so the grief they experience may be intense.

We should see them as a person who has feelings and not as much as the diease. People with dementia feel more emotions thus feelings matter most.

fredsnail

My Grandfather has recently been showing signs of dementia - he deteriorated quite badly over the last 2 months as he's been in hospital having broken his hip in a fall at home.

We kept a diary of his "stories" and other symptoms over the last couple of months as we kept being fobbed off by the medical staff that his "confusion" was due to the anesthetic/not drinking enough water/being constipated and we were desperate to get someone to address it. We finally managed to speak to a dr who said that there was extensive brain damage due to "mini strokes" that he'd had a few years ago and also evidence of vascular hardening - no one's actually diagnosed it, but he has been displaying symptoms for a while now - hiding the post, refusing to answer the phone, forgetfulness, difficulty in remembering names of everyday items and family etc.

We found that it was easier to go along with whatever story he was telling you as he'd get upset and refuse to believe that he was wrong. He was convinced that I'd gone off and got married in secret and that he'd gone to Scotland for the wedding but not seen me. We tried to correct him the first few times but then just went along with it unless he started trying to give me money for a wedding present.

He's now got a little more clearer - but is still convinced that he's receiving phone calls about me getting married and trys to congratulate me when I go to visit him.

They're now trying to persuade him to go into a residential home as he's virtually immobile so we'll see what happens.

I think that everyone and every situation is different - you know your relative and you know what's best for them in whatever situation you find yourself.

fredsnail

treliac

aurora_borealis wrote: »

If anyone's got any ideas on how to stop my dad getting dressed and up at 2am, 3am, 4am I'd be very grateful .... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Do you live with your dad aurora? Can you discourage him from sleeping during the day. Help to keep him busy, maybe day centre in the day, in the hope that he will be more likely to sleep at the proper time?

Savvy_Sue

ab, I suppose the tricks you have suggested when children are young don't work - blackout curtains etc? Does your dad have a gerontologist you can consult, or is there anything helpful on the Alzheimer's site?

I'm not looking forward to this coming: MIL keeps telling me that FIL is getting very forgetful and confused, but she never told DH, so I wondered if she was forgetting that she had told me or that she hadn't told him! Her mother became very confused and lived with them for a number of years, DH has memories of trying to look after grandma who was convinced they were trying to kill her.

Likewise my mum says my dad is getting very forgetful and the last few times I've seen him I've been saddened by how muddled he seems. Only little things, but like struggling to lock the door on his way out, and he's turning the key the wrong way.

treliac

For useful and inspirational reading, try the late Tom Kitwood. Either buy or ask the local library to get it into stock,

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dementia-Reconsidered-Person-Rethinking-Ageing/dp/0335198554

Tom Kitwood writes with brilliance and humanity. He gives a lot of practical help to anyone supporting someone with dementia. I would thoroughly recommend reading this.

The medical consultant in this field is a psychogeriatrician. A GP should refer on to one when the situation goes beyond the scope of the GP. Medication can be helpful in the early stages of dementia.

Unfortunately, many sufferers are still aware and frightened of what is happening to them early on and they can be reluctant to admit to problems and scared to ask for help.

treliac

fredsnail wrote: »

We kept a diary of his "stories" and other symptoms over the last couple of months as we kept being fobbed off by the medical staff that his "confusion" was due to the anesthetic/not drinking enough water/being constipated and we were desperate to get someone to address it.

It's good news that you've now got a proper diagnosis.

It's worth remembering though that, for others, problems can be caused by dehydration, inadequate diet, urinary infections, the wrong type or dosage of medication, etc. and these can all cause confusion, which can be cleared up by the proper treatment.