dementia and re inforcement

soolin

This isn't really anything to do with money saving but I wanted to ask people about something that has bugged me for a while and has just been mentioned again on the TV.

When dad first had his stroke he struggled to remember people and events and would often mention that he had spent some time talking with his mother, or had shared a meal with his brother (both of whom are dead). The hospital insisted on correcting him and kept repeating things like 'your mum is dead..do you remember she died in a fire...' and this upset me as it seemed to distress dad even more.

Now he is in a home and hs deteriorated further he doesn't really even know me and he often tells me about conversations he has just had with his mother and I tend to play along as it makes him happy. He and my mother are long time divorced and he has forgotton that and thinks she is outside pegging out washing (for a good 8 months now!) and again I le thim think that. The home are also happy to just smile and say 'that's nice' or somehting reassuring.

However the TV programme 'Doctors' have a dementia patient and they were discussing that they needed to correct him each time he mistook someone or thought someone was his long lost son..and this seems a bit cruel.

Sorry I know I'm waffling a bit but dad seems happy believing he is with mum and his own mother but if I am somehow making things worse by not correcting him I would feel awful. One other thing is that his mother burnt to death in front of him when dad was 3 and he was mute for a couple of years after that through shock Reminding him of what he saw must surely be an awful thing to do..if he believes she is alive he possibly doesn't remember the fire.

missile

My aunt suffered from dimentia from a very early age and it was very distressing for the family. I have no knowledge of treating dimentia, but I would suggest, what seems right for you and your dad is probably best. I doubt the experts really know any better

Ted_Hutchinson

When I was regularly seeing a Psychologist for depression I mentioned that I had no recall whatsoever of the events surrounding the time I had polio. Most old polio's can go into a fair amount of detail about what happened but although I was 5-6 at the time I have no recall at all. I asked the Psychologist if it would be a good idea to have hypnotherapy to see if the memories are actually there but he was quite clear that it was best to let sleeping dogs lie and that if my brain had locked away memories of that time then it would be inadvisable to rekindle them.
So I haven't.

I cannot see what good is to be gained from adding additional stress to your father's situation. If his brain isn't capable of storing the information you are simply going to repeatedly distress him for no good purpose. I can see that some things may need correcting as it could possibly be cruel to allow him to continue to imagine he was about to be cured or he was going home soon.

For those who have Alzheimer's in their genes and who may be thinking about how to reduce their own personal risk of the same fate Dr McCleary has some good information much of which is also in his book. Paying attention to exercise, low carb diet and Vitamin D3 status seem sensible precautions to me.

soolin

When dad was first ill he did ask about going home and we used to explain that he needed to get a bit better first even though it seemed obvious he wasn't going to be able to live on his own again whatever happened. However he has deteriorated at a frightening rate and he is now the calmest and dare i say happiest I have seen him for many years.

before the stroke he lived alone and really became quite worried about things an dused to just hide all his letters and refuse to answer the phone. Now he has 3 good meals a day, he has a comfy chair and people fuss round him all the time. The worry line son his face have evened out and he has gained around 1 1/2 stone in weight. he has no memories any more but also does not have a care in the world,

Incidentally Ted my dad has vascular dementia not Alzheimers and even thta is an added bonus as he has no violent tendencies at all. Some of the Alzheimer patients he resides with can have very bad days, last week one lady tried to stab her son with a knife and all he was doing was sitting there while she had her lunch. dad is stubborn though he will sometimes just refuse to walk even though he still can with a zimmer frame. Every singl eone of his siblings has had dementia now, all 9 of them although dad is the baby by a long way and got into his 80s before he had the stroke that gave him dementia, a lot of his siblings started showing signs in their 40s so it is something that both myself and my sister are concerned about healthwise.

Savvy_Sue

I wonder if there is a difference in treating different kinds of dementia? I personally cannot see any point in upsetting someone who is happily in their own world, although I CAN see that in some circumstances it might be better to do so. For example, if there was a chance of improving the situation, or if they were distressed by something which wasn't true.

Is there someone at the home you could talk to about this, soolin? And if it's something where doctors disagree, keep doing what makes you and your dad happiest.

Errata

Perhaps it depends on whether the person realises they have dementia ?
I'm thinking of Terry Pratchett who has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimers and as he has only a few problems now, although knows he will deteriorate over time, he might be pretty miffed if he said something very wrong and nobody told him.

My stepdad has vascular dementia and knows it. He is very forgetful and can get quite muddled but happy for me to correct his muddle or his memory of someone/something.

My mum did't even know who she was so I just went along with everything she said which made her happy, contented and kept her calm.

Not sure if this will be of any help to anyone, just wanted to add it into the mix of views.

aurora_borealis_2

My gut instinct would be to not correct.

Pleasantly confused is a much better state to be in than reliving traumas and being agitated. And to what end? He won't get better, will he.

Ted_Hutchinson

soolin wrote: »

Incidentally Ted my dad has vascular dementia

Aging and calcium as an environmental factor. It is your vitamin D3 status that not only maximises the amount of calcium your body can absorb but also controls the use of that calcium in the body. As you probably know already your body needs 80nmol/l circulating D3 at least to maximise the uptake of calcium. But as you also know the average UK adult never at any point in the year achieves even that minimum level.

MRSTITTLEMOUSE

aurora_borealis wrote: »

My gut instinct would be to not correct.

Pleasantly confused is a much better state to be in than reliving traumas and being agitated. And to what end? He won't get better, will he.

I feel exactly as you do,I don't think it would do any good and may even confuse him more.I know if I was in the OPs position I would'nt correct him.

jessicamb

In the person with dementias mind whatever they are saying they believe to be true - so if they just had dinner with someone who died 20 years ago, telling them that they have not is like saying to you that black is white. To them it isn't confusion - its fact.

Wherever safe to do so I would suggest going along with the scenario rather than trying to argue against it.

fas3robinj

Seems that most of us agree.

I'm going to see my 89yo mother tomorrow. She has dementia, and struggles to know me or my sister. She tells me that she has been out, and enjoyed herself, most times I go. Even though I know she hasn't. She's been chair ridden in a nursing home for the last 4 years.

One day she asked me where her husband was. I told her he died in 1987. She cried for a week. I would never correct her again, unless there was a benefit to her. Nowadays I ask her what she did when she was out.