Am i being unreasonable?

Nicki

Sorry, but I think the unreasonable thing is to start an affair with a married father of two, and persuade him to leave his family and commitments for you. There are plenty of unattached men in the world, and I cannot understand why any woman would by choice start a relationship with a man with these sort of commitments (a man with children who has already split from his partner is a different matter).

Morally I think you owe this woman, and these children, an enormous debt which is unrepayable, and if the same thing were unlucky enough to happen to me, I can tell you there is no way in earth that the other woman would be forcing me and my children out of my home to make her life with my husband more financially comfortable.

funky-footprints

were you living with your parents when you met him ? just paying your phone bill ?

are you rentng now ?

If i were you, if he isnt going to leave, or if you arent going to turf him out, i would pack your own bags and go home, he isnt worth it, you are his meal ticket to getting out of an obvously uncomfortabel time at home !!!

Scarlett.1974

Nicki wrote: »

Sorry, but I think the unreasonable thing is to start an affair with a married father of two, and persuade him to leave his family and commitments for you. There are plenty of unattached men in the world, and I cannot understand why any woman would by choice start a relationship with a man with these sort of commitments (a man with children who has already split from his partner is a different matter).

Morally I think you owe this woman, and these children, an enormous debt which is unrepayable, and if the same thing were unlucky enough to happen to me, I can tell you there is no way in earth that the other woman would be forcing me and my children out of my home to make her life with my husband more financially comfortable.

I disagree.

The OP owes the wife and children nothing. Sorry. They're not her responsibility and to say she persueded him to leave his family for her is a bit of an assumption on your part. They are/were HIS responsibility and it was HIS choice to leave. You can't "steal" a person and neither can you "force" them to be somewhere they don't want to be. I do agree with your last sentance though.

OP - I agree with the previous posters - this man is taking for you a fool. Exactly what are YOU getting from this relationship apart from ALL the financial responsibilities and a mountain of someone else's debt?

Nicki

Scarlett.1974 wrote: »

The OP owes the wife and children nothing.

But her boyfriend does. OP didn't have to take out a loan to pay the joint debt, but I'm sure she did this for the boyfriend's sake rather than the wife's, and both boyfriend and wife were liable for the full amount and if boyfriend is working full time and wife only part time, it is boyfriend who would have been pursued had the loan been defaulted on.

What OP is complaining about now though is that her boyfriend is meeting his obligations to his wife and children before he contributes to his living expenses with her. She isn't saying that she is herself paying anything to the wife, just that she'd rather her boyfriend paid less to the wife and kids and more to her.

And therefore the point that she chose to take on a man who had these obligations is a valid one, and it shouldn't be the wife who pays the price for OP's choice. Any friends of mine who have found themselves in this sad situation, have all said that when the matter has gone to court the judge has told the husband that his first responsibility is to the wife and children and that if this means he has very little to finance a life with a new partner, that is his own fault and choice, and not something for which the wife and children should be penalised for.

If the wife were posting on here for advice as a woman with two young children whose husband had walked out for another woman, and the other woman was demanding that she sell her house and move elsewhere so that the husband had more to spend on the other woman, would everyone's sympathies really be with the other woman?

As for wife's new partner, I'm not at all clear why OP thinks he should take on financial responsibility for her boyfriend's children I do think the OP does need to see the wife's perspective in all of this, and take into consideration the feelings of the children, rather than simply thinking of her own financial situation. And if the financial situation is too hard to bear, she can always ask boyfriend to move out, so that they are each paying their own expenses and she will then have no reason to believe she is in any way subsidising his wife.

Lunar_Eclipse

stacy1 wrote: »

he keeps saying that its an investment in our future

From what you have written, he is doing nothing to suggest that in the slightest. It sounds more like he is desperately hoping his wife will take him back to be honest.

I really hope this is some sort of 'joke', although sadly I appreciate it is not remotely funny.

Wishing you all the best.

georgieb_2

i have just re read the op inital post and no where does it say i had an affair with him while he was still living with her, it reads i met him when he was still married - which in my eyes means he was not 'with' his wife and it doesnt read he left his wife for op.
but thats just my opinion, I also think the op was genuinely worried about the financial situation and whilst I agree with the the majority of the others and the op's niavity I dont think she came on here to be slated.

I would be seriously worried and talking from experience and what my gut feeling is saying to me now you might be better out of it before it all gets worse and really miserable for you financially and emotionally.

Strapped

I sincerely hope that this is a wind-up, and not for real.

Smithills

Oh my dear OP.... I can only agree with virtually everyone else...please don't let this man drag you into a spiral of debt. It's difficult- love sends people do-lally. But what is going to happen to you? The boyfriend has obligations from his past- and clearly the kiddiwinks have to be provided for, emotionally and financially. Breaking up is going to affect the children and it seems like guilt is driving the bf to make rash promises of holidays abroad.

Nicki- the OP seems to have taken out the £6k loan herself- so she is responsible, not the bf and not the ex-wife.

Stacy1- time to let him sort himself out. It's not your job to do that. He needs to take responsibility for his choices- life, love and financial. If I were cynical (moi?!) I would say he's hedging his bets between you and the ex-wife. Either way you need to think of yourself, work out how much that debt is actually going to cost you and move on!

I wish you the very best for the journey ahead. We're always here for you!:hello:

georgieb_2

i think it is real, and sometimes it seems mad to outsiders but when you are living in the situation it is perfectly acceptable. It is until things like this happen and many people post similar comments then you might question the rights and wrongs of it all.

work out the debts and accept you may have to put it down to experience and move on. Situations like this are so hard when an ex has such loyalty to his children and ex wife, someone is going to get really hurt and i think it will be you.

judy2357

I have a 19 year old daughter who probably wouldnt do as I say so I know its no good preaching, but I think you know what you have to do, just try and be brave and do it