Am i being unreasonable?

stacy1_2

I have been with my partner now for over a 18 months, we got together while he was still married (still is at the mo) and have lived together for the last year, he has 2 kids with the ex wife and was the one who left the family home, when he left they had a lot of debt which i ended up getting a loan for and subsequently paying (£6000). He has been paying the mortgage for the family home since he left which is about £1000 pm which is causing us to fall short of our monthly bills,i pay all of our bills out of my wages but dont seem to earn enough to keep us afloat and we are now getting very far behind as he has also promised to take his kids on holiday to somewhere abroad which is going to cost us a fortune, i have sugested to him that he and his ex wife maybe sell their house as neither of them can afford it and maybe then his ex could get a mortgage that she could afford, she works part time and has a bf as well as his payments to her for child maintenence but he just says no and thats final he doesnt want his kids to move house but i think that it is unfair that we are sinking fast (could lose our house and jobs) and the only thing that could get us out of this is yet another loan which on top of 2 credit cards and 2 other loans (all in my name,payed out of my account) is too much, something has to give!

*Louise*

They had debt of 6k...and YOU got a loan to pay it off???

Who is paying the monthly repayments for that? I know you have written that the money comes out of your account, but does he give you money towards it?

Sorry to be blunt - but if you're paying off that loan, as well as most of the other bills, while he's planning on jetting off abroad - imo he is treating you like a mug and I don't know why you are putting up with it.

foreversomeday

You're not being unreasonable - I can understand him not wanting to force the kids to move, but they will be better off too if their mum has more disposable income - could you put it to him that way? They wouldn't have to move far, so they could still go to the same schools and everything - and moving might be stressful for adults but some kids find it exciting! When we moved to a smaller house when my Dad left, I was upset at first but when we saw the new house and got to decorate it and choose our bedrooms etc it became exciting and I didn't miss the old house at all.

It seems irresponsible of him to have promised to take the kids abroad when he can't afford to - it will be hard for him to go back on that now (I would suspect that he won't). And he might need a shock to show him how much he is spending as he doesn't seem to have a handle on it at all.

Oldernotwiser

I don't know about unreasonable, but you're certainly being an absolute idiot! YOU took out a loan on his behalf and YOU are paying all the bills for the two of you? This man is not only an adulterer but a leach and you need to take off your rose coloured glasses and kick him into touch.

He must be pretty amazing in bed for him to be costing you this much! Get out while you can.

stacy1_2

at first i didnt mind as i knew that i would have to support him but a year later and it not getting better in fact its getting worse and he is refusing to budge on anything all he says is that he would live in a hostel if i left as he knows he cant afford to live without me, the only thing he pays for is his car, his life insurance and their house, if there's anything left we go out cos i insist on it

miserly_mum

So where did he think the money was coming from when he promised the kids the foreign holiday?

stacy1_2

i really dont know, he seems to think that it will just appear from somewhere or that i will find it somehow, i told him to stop making promises he cant keep and his answer was he only mentioned it to them they just took it for granted but now he doesnt want to let them down

miserly_mum

Maybe this is the point where for once the money doesn't just magically appear?

I know its not nice that the kids will be disappointed, but he really needs to realise that he can't promise them things and expect you to stump up for them

kazwookie

Stop spending money on him, I am staggered YOU got a LOAN of £6k to pay off HIS debts!!

Like some one has said kick him into touch, next you will be here telling us YOU have paid for him and kids to go away and you are at work to PAY for it all!!

funky-footprints

why couldnt he get the loan himself, i think he is seriously using you !!! maybe a night or 2 on the floor at a mates house, or in a hostel would make him realise he needs to re-evaluate the whole situation ??

Maz

Hang on, let me get my head round this (flabbergasted tbh!)

Your partner and his wife racked up £6k worth of debt and YOU'VE paid it off? In the meantime, he's paying the mortgage on the family home and YOU are paying all the bills while he lives with you (for b****r all?)

Now YOU have 2 credit cards and 2 loans paid for by YOU - what are these for?

I'd like you to re-read your first post, hopefully you'll have a light bulb moment.