me my daughter and the boyfriend HELP!

millies_2

loretta
you hit the nail on the head!
with everything you said in your post

quote:

(Do you know his parents? do they want your daughter and new baby living with them? Perhaps they think that it is time their son moved out and set up a home of his own for his family.I would think he earns enough to rent somewhere and if he intends sticking by your daughter and the baby he has had 9 months to find a home for them. The fact that he hasn't says a lot.

I would think if your daughter is young and has always lived at home going from hospital with a new baby into someone els's house is not the best timing, everyone, whatever age, needs help and support with a new baby and mostly from their Mum.)


i just wish her partner could see it in that way

thank you

Margaret54

I really feel for you Millies, and your dear daughter, and i think I would be feeling the same as you were it my daughter. I wish you well love and hope everything works out. God Bless and lots of hugs to you both xxxx

bestpud

I was wondering why he is still at his parents if he is so sure he wants the relationship to work and wants a stable home life for the baby. He's a police officer so it's not like he can't afford to rent a flat is it?

Way I see it, she needs to be at your place after the birth. He has the chance to come so if he doesn't the guilt lies with him and not your dd.

Ultimately though, all you can do is be there for her. It's very hard, but even if she was being physically abused, it would still be her decision to make.

I know you already know this, but one of the best things you can do for her right now is avoid conflicts with him - it actually ends up supporting his case if you lose it with him.

That is much easier said than done though - my sister was married to an idiot like that and I still feel like punching him right between the eyes now (it's several years since they divorced!) Unfortunately, he is still messing the children about, even though she has finally shaken him off.

I hope it all goes ok and I would encourage her to chat with the midwife too - hope fully he/she will suggest to him and her that she is best living with you, in the short term at least. They both need to think of the baby imo.

millies_2

my daughter has finally put her foot down today and told him straight
that she is coming home after the baby is born.

hes called her all kinds of names from selfish too other horrible things .he has now said its over between them and he has asked for all the baby items back that he brought.
she told him he could have it back ,arrangements are being made for him and hes mother to pick it up sometime this week.


sorry! i dont think shes upto writing on here tonight

Errata

What a lovely chap ! He's in for a big surprise when the CSA contact him.

moggylover

Errata wrote: »

What a lovely chap ! He's in for a big surprise when the CSA contact him.

Just hope they REALLY get him! Fancy asking for the things for the baby back! God, what a s***!

Still, hopefully your daughter will now be able to have her baby in peace and get on with being a new mum - and with your help and support will get past being scared. Sounded to me like she was just plain scared of him!

Will keep my fingers crossed for you that he does not try to weazel back in - and that your daughter realises what a narrow but god sent escape she has had. Single parent-hood is no picnic, but it sounds as if life with bullyboy would have been much worse. Probably would not have been much point in calling the nick when the domestic violence broke out either!

Mojisola

Despite asking for the baby's presents back, this won't be an end of it. He sounds to me like the type who will not want to pay out to the CSA without "getting" something for his money. He may well be back with lots of demands - not because he is interested in the baby or your daughter but because he will feel he's entitled as his money is being taken.

I don't know how the police operate these days but some years ago a relative had problems with a police constable and she had a word, unofficially, with one of the sergeants. Words were had with the constable and it is was all quietly sorted out. Would that still happen these days or does everything have to be official?

millies_2

when me and my ex husband separated he was also a police officer
he left me with alot of bills he refused to pay me any money
he also caused alot of problems for me.
whilst waiting for my benefits to get sorted out i got in touch with the police welfare i told them of my situation.
anyway they sent me a cheque to help me out with food as i had nothing to live on, i had no credit cards or OD with the bank and no family to turn to anyway
the day after i got in touch with the welfare my ex husband telephoned me
he asked why did i get in touch with the police welfare ,i told him because you left me with nothing he then told me he had been in a lecture all afternoon regarding facing up to hes responsibilities,
but this was nearly 11 years ago.
anyway the lecture worked for me.

shell_girl

Sounds like she's had a very narrow escape indeed. It's unlikely to be over but at least she now knows she's got some time on her own with baby to get used to being a mum the way she wants to be a mum rather than the way this bloke thinks she should be a mum.
He sounds like someone obsessed with power and control- basically if your daughter doesn't do what he says then he will throw his toys out of the pram so to speak. Hopefully this will be the end of it, but in my opinion he will be back at some point in the future, so please try and make sure you and your daughter are prepared.
Best of luck to you both.

millies_2

thank you shell_girl

everything you stated is true obsessed controlling even jealousy and processive

i know and she knows this isn't the end

and i know she is feeling very weak in her mind body and soul at present

all i can hope is that she takes this as a chance to rebuld her life and become strong for the battles ahead.

i have a strong feeling once her little one is in her arms i think or hope she will stick her fingers up to those who have mistreated her and i think she will find her strengh in her baby daughter when she arrives