me my daughter and the boyfriend HELP!

duchy

What does your daughter want ?
You've told us how YOU feel about her staying with his parents after the birth but what has she said ?
If she's prepared to admit he has a problem with anger towards her (and potentially the baby) maybe she'd be prepared to get some help from women's aid at working through what she wants and how to achieve it.

Lady_E

Just wondering if you or DD can talk to her Dad?

The reason why I suggest this is , he is or was a Police Officer so hopefully he might have a few ideas what could be done or even have a word.
Do they stilll have married quarters for serving Officers or have they all been sold off?
Just an idea .


HTH

millies_2

my daughter wants to come home after the birth but she feels very guilty if she does.

he tells her that by her coming home here it will stop him from seeing the baby.

because he feels uncomfortable coming to my house after the arguements we had.

my daughter can see for herself what he is like as a person but for some unknown reasons she continues to be with him.

she has stated to me that she feels scared but shes never really explained in great detail what shes really scared off,
weather shes scared of him or bringing the baby up on her own i just don't know and i don't think she really knows herself.

being an outsider and not being emotionally attached to this guy its easy to see the wrong that he does ,but she loves him so i know she has to work this out for herself.
I think she is trying to please everyone other than herself i also think she is doing what she feel is right for the baby because her bf has constantly told her the baby needs a mum and a dad and it would be unfair if he didn't share the first moments with the baby or to build a bond.

i have stated that i am willing to put things behind me to allow him to come to the house but thats not good enough for him it's hes way or no way.
and then the guilt factor creeps in for my daughter.

sometimes i feel i am bashing my head against the wall so i back off then something else happends or other things are said then it all starts up again.

i will ask my daughter to come on here later so she can air the feelings and thoughts.

Craftyscholar

millies wrote: »

i will ask my daughter to come on here later so she can air the feelings and thoughts.

Does she know you have been posting about her situation?

Hawthorn

Lady_E wrote: »

Do they stilll have married quarters for serving Officers or have they all been sold off?

My husband is a Police officer, and there are no married quarters in his division any more. YMMV.

millies_2

no not yet.

but maybe if she reads through the comments it may just help

Amanda65

How old is your daughter? If she is very young then I would have thought it natural that she comes home to you.

Has she spoken to her community midwife team about this situation? If she is getting stressed that is doing neither her or the baby any good and maybe they could speak to your daughter's OH and tell him that it would be better if she came back to her own home (yours) for a few weeks after the birth until she and baby are settled. Living with a 'MIL' who doesn't like you when you are trying to learn how to be a mum is not at all conducive to a happy first few weeks.

In the interim perhaps he could be given the opportunity to show that he knows how to behave as a father and a boyfriend! At least that way if he falls short on either your daughter hasn't got to get herself and her baby out of his parents' home.

journ

millies wrote: »

rhank you journ

You are welcome
I really hope everything will work out for your daughter as i said i went though the same thing but I knew the only way forward was to leave him .

Loretta

Do you know his parents? do they want your daughter and new baby living with them? Perhaps they think that it is time their son moved out and set up a home of his own for his family.I would think he earns enough to rent somewhere and if he intends sticking by your daughter and the baby he has had 9 months to find a home for them. The fact that he hasn't says a lot.

I would think if your daughter is young and has always lived at home going from hospital with a new baby into someone els's house is not the best timing, everyone, whatever age, needs help and support with a new baby and mostly from their Mum.

You cannot say too much it is her choice, hard I know you wish you could somehow get a lifetime's experience into a yong head, but you need to stay in a position that when it all goes wrong and I expect it will, she can turn to you for help.

I would speak to everyone you can, health visitor, midwife, is there a maternity social worker. Get your husband to find out what he can about this boyfriend and what the situation would be if she needed to complain about him.

Good luck

ameliarate

globalds wrote: »

I smell a Troll ...

What does that mean?